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Asian Parents Frenzy

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Replies to: Asian Parents Frenzy

  • marvin100marvin100 Registered User Posts: 9,014 Senior Member
    There are good high-pressure parents and bad ones.
    There are good hands-off parents and bad ones.

    Whether a parent is good or bad is not dependent on his or her level of involvement in his or her children's lives.
    Much2learn wrote:
    there is no job that you can get to from an Ivy League school that you can't get to from a Big Ten University

    This thread really can't turn into (yet another) proxy fight about whether selective colleges are "worth it," but let's not forget that Big Ten schools are also selective and there are many jobs you can get to from an Ivy League or Big 10 school that you can't get from a community college.
  • citymama9citymama9 Registered User Posts: 1,422 Senior Member
    @PurpleTitan I'm not going to pull up links, but you can google it yourself. There are many articles about the rate of depression in China, for example. Depression and suicide are serious concerns that affect every group, but we are talking about Asians in this thread, and you can do a search and read about the impact the parental pressures can have on these young people.
  • marvin100marvin100 Registered User Posts: 9,014 Senior Member
    edited March 19
    I think this thread is about emotions, duty and guilt toward parents, cultural expectations, and the dread of disappointing. It's about who has the right to define one's core worth as a human being; how to justify defining oneself when parents have claimed that right all of one's life.

    Well no message board thread can do those things--or, maybe, even any single thing in that grandiose list. Maybe more importantly, a message board of untrained random strangers can't be a substitute for therapy.
  • marvin100marvin100 Registered User Posts: 9,014 Senior Member
    @citymama9 - suicide in China and Korea is a problem, but it's often associated with pressures on the young, which is misleading--in both countries, suicide rates are highest among the elderly. In China, suicide rates are high among women, but among men they're actually lower than among men in the US. So it turns out statistics matter.

    Also worth noting that suicide rates in China have plummeted in recent years (even as academic pressure has mounted), which goes against the threadbare popular narrative.
  • marvin100marvin100 Registered User Posts: 9,014 Senior Member
    @inthegarden - fine, but for all your "maybes" we actually have an answer: the OP itself, which isn't asking for those things and is instead a fairly exhausted springboard into reductive cultural comparison and essentialism, venting, and stereotyping.
  • guamboyguamboy Registered User Posts: 48 Junior Member
    @inthegarden @marvin100 The reason I posted this on the parent chat is so I can gain insight from a different perspective. I can vent to a crowd of high schoolers with similar backgrounds and I'll surely find more comfort there. We'll all probably come to a conclusion that Asian parents are evil and that an Ivy League acceptance is our only escape from this wrath. However, that is not what I want. I want to hear from adults. I want to know if other parents are aware of this, and if there is some way to put an end to this cultural practice. Are parents guilty of such methods blind to this?
  • Jliu32472Jliu32472 Registered User Posts: 71 Junior Member
    As one poster mentioned, there are good and bad tiger parents as well as the opposite. It sounds like, this young man is finding it difficult to deal with the strategy his parents have chosen. My only advice would be, it will get better. You will be going off to college soon where the pressure you face will be very different. When you come back on breaks etc, just try to not blow up at your parents. Just remember they did this for your benefit regardless of the emotional issues it has caused. The time spent with your parents will be shorter and shorter. While you can't imagine treasuring that time, most likely someday, you will. You will eventually learn that you need to be proud for yourself and not for your parents.
    I honestly can't say what has driven your parents to act in this manner. It seems like the only area to criticize would be that they haven't chosen to deal with the emotional challenges you have faced. Other than that there are far too many unknowns about you or your parents to say anything else.
  • HImomHImom Registered User Posts: 28,568 Senior Member
    Painting ALL of any group is pretty unhelpful, imho. I also think a lot depends how n conditions where said individuals came from, how long they've lived in the US and whom they'd peer group is.

    Do your folks look up to anyone that you can talk to about the stress and pressure? Maybe they can help your parents learn to ease up a bit and not be so fixated on prestige and only one way. That seems like a strategy that might be more worthwhile than venting to strangers.
  • marvin100marvin100 Registered User Posts: 9,014 Senior Member
    edited March 19
    guamboy wrote:
    However, that is not what I want. I want to hear from adults. I want to know if other parents are aware of this, and if there is some way to put an end to this cultural practice. Are parents guilty of such methods blind to this?

    Yes, no, sometimes. Also important: the vast majority of teenagers resent their parents at least sometimes, and while they're sometimes right--parents aren't perfect and some are genuinely awful!--it's a pretty well established fact that teenagers don't have the best judgment either.
  • inthegardeninthegarden Registered User Posts: 514 Member
    ...^ And even if OP IS guilty of asking for a "fairly exhausted springboard into reductive cultural comparison, essentialism, venting and stereotyping" why can't he do that? He's a kid! He's trying to find a way to think about his own life and culture. Adults shutting down the conversation, creating a taboo, slapping his fingers isn't going to help him frame his thoughts. If he's guilty of stereotyping, he's doing so regarding his own culture. Maybe someone could steer him to consider other perspectives, if they don't agree with his. But unless a moderator shuts the topic down, I would think OP and any responders could participate....or not.
  • alcibiadealcibiade Registered User Posts: 580 Member
    I hate to say it this way, but in the current system, what you are going through is what it takes, with a little luck thrown in. It's sad that it's so brutal and in the end more arbitrary than we would expect.

    Also, it isn't only Asian parents, though they may be particularly pure in their ambition for their children. It's more about the American educational system and how it has evolved over the last 45 years - hyper-competitive, insanely expensive, with murky "connections" that confer unfair advantages.
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