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Asian Parents Frenzy

124

Replies to: Asian Parents Frenzy

  • websensationwebsensation Registered User Posts: 767 Member
    edited March 20
    To all kids. If you really believe your parents are telling you to do something that will make you unhappy or you don't want to go towards certain direction, be ready to explain to your parents the reason and show you are firm about this. Don't be chicken or be afraid to disappoint your parents. Your parents will admire you for it even if they are somewhat disappointed. Therefore, don't try to blame your parents because ultimately it's your life. But at the same time, try to find out why your parents feel certain way so that they feel that you have taken into account their perspectives.
  • hzhao2004hzhao2004 Registered User Posts: 430 Member
    This is another stereotype of Asian and Asian parents. My circle of Asian parents, myself incuded, are all quite enlighened when it comes to their children's college application. I always tell my children I am perfectly happy if they go to Rutgers, or even a community college. It is my children who gave themselves a lot of pressure. It is mostly their self-motivation that landed them at some very good collegges. My Asian friends in Maryland are all very happy their children got into U. of Maryland. When they leanred that my children go to some very selective private colleges, they only pity me for the amount of money I have shell out for the privilege. Do Asian parents emphasize more on education than the general population? Definitely true. Are they all tigher moms and dads who make their children's lives miserable? Absolutely not!
  • TwicerTwicer Registered User Posts: 133 Junior Member
    Nice humblebrag, @hzhao2004. FYI, UM (College Park) is extremely competitive for HS graduates from suburban MD, and a terrific value. I know a number of parents (Asians too) who live in those affluent, highly educated communities, that were happy and proud to send their kids to College Park.
  • hzhao2004hzhao2004 Registered User Posts: 430 Member
    @Twicer I guess it is subconscious. ;) I don't know much about the situation in Maryland. In New Jersey, it is kind of unloved by Jersey kids.
  • cobratcobrat Registered User Posts: 11,288 Senior Member
    BTW - and if you think American parents have less expectation of their kids and put less pressure on their kids, hmmm, no. They are just more PC about it. They say they do not care as long as their kids are happy, there is world peace, and all colleges are the same, it doesn't matter what college you go to it is what you of it, and they are just blowing happy sunshine up you know what. But they still feel the same as Asian parents and their kids still feel the same pressure.

    There are Non-Asian Americans who are also intense Tiger parents that I personally knew of while growing up in a former working class NYC neighborhood.

    One elementary school classmate from a Latino family(Puerto Rican) had a father who had a 20 year career as a US Marine from the time he enlisted in the late '40s at 17 with a 10th grade level education* till he retired sometime in the early-mid '70s as a Korea/Vietnam Vet and a stint as a Marine drill instructor.

    He was obsessed from early elementary school in preparing his son to not only follow in his footsteps as a Marine, but to attend Annapolis so he could be a USNA graduate Marine Officer.

    This extended to expecting his third grade son to keeping his room organized to the level expected by US Federal Service Academy cadets as some HS classmates and one older cousin recounted from the Service Academies and if he was found to have misbehaved in school as happened a few times, punish him like a recalcitrant Marine boot camp recruit by having him do push ups and other "PT them to death" type exercises in a public park in clear view of other classmates/public.

    To say this father was disappointed when he found his son was rejected by all the Service academies** despite the fact he earned a full Army ROTC scholarship to a local private U which made attending it completely free would be a great understatement. Said father was actually angry at his son's "inexcusable performance" and it was a major factor in the son breaking off all contact with the father not too long after he graduated and received his commission as an Army infantry officer.


    * Had to drop out to work to support family and younger siblings.

    ** Said father refused to acknowledge the fact Federal Service Academy admissions had become as competitive as the Ivy/elite colleges when his son and I were applying to colleges during the mid-'90s.
  • SculptorDadSculptorDad Registered User Posts: 1,613 Senior Member
    edited March 21
    I came to the U.S. from Korea after my education, and know several like me. Most of them I know are engineers with relatively comfortable income, but are not affluent. Private college tuition would be the biggest life time spending but they are willing to pay it by refinancing house if necessary, which usually is. We are all supportive to our children's education, and provide supports as best as we can (or as much as we can afford). None that I know is ignorant to U.S. college admission system or has delusions on IVY admission even though we may dream it, because we study and talk a lot to learn the system as best as we can. We support EC where the kids have interest since it is necessary for admission, support social life because good performance comes from healthy mind and body. Most of us also support boy/girl friends as long as it's severely detrimental to school life and academic performance because we don't want our kids to be the lonely one.

    Also, everyone I know are horrified to even imagine our kids to get a job in Korea after college, or even a job in a Korean company in the U.S. We prefer U.S. work culture and that's why we live here and not in Korea.

    I push my child to work as hard as she can, in terms of effort and concentration rather than time she spends. Sometimes she appreciate it. Sometimes she doesn't. I back off if she barks, because our brain can't learn well if stressed. And I am always careful not to waste her time on studying unless it's very useful or she enjoys it, and not to overdo it, unless she is motivated to do it and my support is appreciated.
  • swaggyKswaggyK Registered User Posts: 2 New Member
    might just have to serve with all these schools denying me lol
  • marvin100marvin100 Registered User Posts: 9,013 Senior Member
    edited March 21
    Hunt wrote:
    This is not an Asian issue--it is an "immigrant striver" issue. The same thing was observable in Jewish immigrant families in the past, and it's observable in immigrants from non-Asian countries (such as many Africans) as well.

    Except this stereotype is very frequently applied to Asian families in Asia as well. If it's common among African immigrant families, that makes it even more disturbing, since it certainly hasn't become a cultural stereotype for that group.
  • HuntHunt Registered User Posts: 26,667 Senior Member
    Well, I think it's more of a stereotype for Asians primarily because there are (at least where I've been) a lot more Asian professional immigrant families that fit this model than other groups. In my kids' school, there were a couple of Africans who fit this model, but many more Asians. It may be different elsewhere, of course.

    Plus, as far as I know, no African parent has written a highly publicized book touting this form of parenting, while an Asian parent did so.
  • marvin100marvin100 Registered User Posts: 9,013 Senior Member
    Yes, @Hunt , and boy does the Asian and Asian-American community hate Amy Chua, whose "parenting" methods are absolutely not representative, no matter how much she claims they are.
  • Jliu32472Jliu32472 Registered User Posts: 71 Junior Member
    My wife and I aren't tiger parents by any means but we know plenty that are. we don't hate Amy Chua or any tiger parents. The reality is her style is on the extreme end for here in the USA. But it's perfectly normal in places like Taiwan etc. I wouldn't doubt that many Asian parents use some form of her parenting methods.
  • marvin100marvin100 Registered User Posts: 9,013 Senior Member
    I live in Korea, @Jliu32472 , and Amy Chua's style is not remotely "perfectly normal" here (I can't speak for Taiwan, but none of my Taiwanese friends recognize themselves in her stories). Parents are far more involved here (typically) than most of the California parents I grew up around, but in my 15 years among the most intense education-oriented students and parents in Korea, examples like Chua are few and far between.
  • Jliu32472Jliu32472 Registered User Posts: 71 Junior Member
    I definitely can't speak for Koreans. I can only speak of my experience with Chinese. I should of mentioned that. The category of Asians is just far too broad.
  • marvin100marvin100 Registered User Posts: 9,013 Senior Member
    Agreed, @Jliu32472 -- as I wrote earlier, "Asian" is a pretty pointless term and using it as shorthand for "East Asian" also elides enormous cultural differences. Interestingly, Asians in Asia don't see themselves as Asian but as Chinese, or Koreans, or Taiwanese (or Pakistani, or Indian, or Indonesian...), and only when they find themselves in the West are they suddenly conflated and absorbed into this larger, artificial category. Reminds me of the intro of Edward Said's Orientalism...
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