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A mom will always wonder -- how is he really doing????

3kidsMultipleSports3kidsMultipleSports Registered User Posts: 110 Junior Member
This first one off to college stuff is a little tough. Got a kiddo who has never been particularly expressive. We know him well enough to read his body language to tell how he is doing - but when you are relating in texts and the occasional phone call that is tough. He seems somewhat stressed about a few classes, but then at the same time looks to be venturing out and trying lots of new things. I know he's fine. I know he'll fall into the routine and I know this is good for him and he needs space to find his way. But man - as a parent - it is hard not to 2nd guess everything.
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Replies to: A mom will always wonder -- how is he really doing????

  • wis75wis75 Registered User Posts: 12,115 Senior Member
    Relax, mom. He IS doing fine. Really. Try to avoid more than a weekly phone call- no texts. Plan a specific time/day, such as on a Sunday. Choose a time when he can likely spare a few minutes and not likely to be socializing or too busy with the next day's work. You get the security of hearing his voice and knowing he's alive and well, he gets his freedom. Knowing there is the weekly call from home he can prepare for it. Of course he will sound stressed some days- exams, papers... will be on his mind.

    Letting go is hard but must be done.
  • wrldpossibilitywrldpossibility Registered User Posts: 41 Junior Member
    No advice really, as my first just went to college (also a boy) too, but I understand!
  • HImomHImom Registered User Posts: 29,127 Senior Member
    Yes, we heard from our kids (S & D) when they needed advice or $$$, but rarely otherwise unless it was some holiday or special occasion & others were calling their folks. It sounds like your S is doing GREAT and you have done a great job as a parent! My kids were especially intrigued and interested when we were busy when they called and WE couldn't talk long because we were in the middle of something or going somewhere fun! ;) Surprise your kids by how fun and busy YOUR life is!
  • gardenstategalgardenstategal Registered User Posts: 2,777 Senior Member
    I can relate. I often can't read him when he's living under my roof, so a few hundred miles don't help!

    Plan the weekly call. If you send a text (silly pet pic), don't expect an answer (even if you would love one.) My goal is to keep the channel open so he can reach out if he needs it. Not even sure he'd use it, but...

    No great worDS of wisdom, just know you aren't alone.

  • 1Tiger211Tiger21 Registered User Posts: 60 Junior Member
    edited September 15
    @3kidsMultipleSports I feel for you because I am constantly wondering if my Freshman in college is happy. He has only been at school for not quite two weeks and I think about him all day long , just as I have for the last 18+ Years. This empty nest Mom is missing my Son. I will survive knowing that he will hopefully succeed and enjoy his new life. We can only hope for the best.
  • preppedparentpreppedparent Registered User Posts: 1,936 Senior Member
    If you haven't already, send a care package. It always helps me manage my anxiety, and they seem to really appreciate it. I usually send at least 3 a year with some favorite things, and some surprises: at start of school a few weeks in, Halloween, and their birthdays!
  • 1Tiger211Tiger21 Registered User Posts: 60 Junior Member
    edited September 15
    @HarvestMoon1 , you are doing as well as I am. I don't want to generalize but I wonder if Boys are less likely to contact their Moms because they want to exert their independence? I did sort of ask him to verbally call me just so I could hear his voice. He has each couple of days for a minute or two. It might be because I sounded desperate. Oh well, it worked and I felt better after talking to him. Tell your child that you love him and hearing his voice helps you separate from him. It might work.
  • HarvestMoon1HarvestMoon1 Registered User Posts: 5,799 Senior Member
    LOL @1Tiger21 I tell him I love him just about every day (before he left). Think he is sick of hearing it!
  • LuckyCharms913LuckyCharms913 Registered User Posts: 723 Member
    Another mom in the same situation here. My D was easier because she texted a few times a week and called once or (occasionally) twice a week; now a junior, she still does. But freshman S's texts and calls are minimal. He wasn't very communicative when he was home--a pleasant kid, just not a talker--so I'm not surprised; but I agree that it's hard.

  • 1Tiger211Tiger21 Registered User Posts: 60 Junior Member
    edited September 15
    @HarvestMoon1 , @LuckyCharms913 , okay, I will admit that I have texted him Good Morning almost every day. I also added "honey" here and there. I hope that he will understand my guilting him into calling me. Be Strong. We will survive.
  • toomanyteenstoomanyteens Registered User Posts: 519 Member
    My daughter texts or snapchats me multiple times a day -- calls occasionally. My experience with my first was not necessarily that no news was good news -- she was flailing and not telling us.
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