Will my essay get me in trouble?

volteface · 12-23-2006, 04:03 AM

I'm writing an admissions essay -- the topic is what you'd do if you had one day with no commitments, with only the money in your pockets. I volunteer for a crisis line, and one phone call that had a great impact on me was one regarding an innocent person getting brutally beat by the police. In my essay, I want to write about how I would try to find that innocent person, get their side of the story, and relate it to the community at large to expose this sort of injustice.

I slightly altered the identity of that innocent person in order to protect the confidentiality clause of our organization (and I preface my essay with this). I don't give out any specific details with regards to location. I do not expose this person's identity because that would be a breach of contract.

I'm really impassionate about the essay -- but will it get me in trouble? It is controversial, and it is about an ongoing trial (though the last time I talked to this person was several months ago). The only information I'm withholding is the person's identity and location -- I do not know anything extra about the case.

Northstarmom · 12-23-2006, 05:02 AM

It sounds like an excellent essay topic. I can't think of any reason why you'd get into trouble by writing it especially since you're not revealing the person's identity.

mathmom · 12-24-2006, 01:02 AM

I don't think it will be a problem, but get someone to proofread the essay. Impassionate does not mean what you think it does. (at least not as an adjective.)

lealdragon · 12-24-2006, 12:10 PM

Why would you want it to be impassionate? It seems to me that you ARE passionate about it, and it would be a good thing to convey that you have a passion for justice.

volteface · 12-24-2006, 01:56 PM

Oops! I meant passionate, not impassionate. Geez, I feel stupid. Haha, yes, I am VERY passionate about this subject. Thanks for your opinions!

EllenF · 12-24-2006, 04:46 PM

I do not know what your confidentiality agreement says, but some I've seen prohibit disclosure of ANYTHING that has transpired. Read yours carefully and discuss it with those who run the crisis line to be sure you are not breaching the agreement.

Even if you aren't legally breaching your confidentiality agreement, think about the ethics of the situation. How you would feel if you were in a crisis, called a hot line which you assumed would be confidential, as most people do, and later discovered someone had used your situation for a college essay? Unless you have the permission of the person/people involved, I would not use this incident as the basis for an essay.

mootmom · 12-24-2006, 05:23 PM

Perhaps you could be creative and use your experience on the crisis hotline to invent an injustice you learned about, and then seek more information so you could right it. The essay asks you to imagine a day without commitments, so why couldn't you "imagine" the circumstances and details? A "what if.." sort of essay. That way you wouldn't be violating any confidences (in fact, you could say in your essay that confidentiality and ethics prohibit you from using an actual example), but you'd be demonstrating your passion and telling the admissions folks something meaningful about yourself.

volteface · 12-24-2006, 10:13 PM

I have talked to my supervisor, who told me that I can include it in my essay so long as I do without any specificity. The only thing that I have used in my essay based on the real instance is the subject matter and the characteristics of the caller (things I admired, such as his optimism). I made the rest of it up. My entire essay is basically a "what if" scenario. I was struggling with the entire ethics scenario, but I think the way I have written my essay allows me to convey my passion while also protecting the confidentiality of my callers.

RyanOG88 · 12-24-2006, 10:17 PM

If you're talking about the Johns Hopkins essay, I don't think this is what they wanted.

19382 · 12-24-2006, 10:48 PM

Why wouldn't it be what the want?

jovenes132 · 12-24-2006, 11:06 PM

The Johns Hopkins Essay can be interpreted in any way -- as long as it shows an admirable, personal side of you. It seems like a great backstory to bring your personality out -- just don't spend paragraphs describing this other person -- this is the one thing they really don't want.

Just state things in a positive tone, be as passionate as you want, for there is no word limit, (but it's usually 500~1000), and the story doesn't seem too controversial...controversial is like having a wild party and getting drunk or a coming out story.

volteface · 12-24-2006, 11:07 PM

I was under the impression that the only thing they really "want" through these essays is a better understanding of you as a person. It's not like my essay doesn't answer the prompt...

RyanOG88 · 12-25-2006, 06:42 AM

If I were an adcomm, I would think you were reusing another essay. What does this have to do with the money in your pocket? "Well, I wouldn't spend it, I would go to a crises hotline center...like this one time...."

Quote:

one day with no commitments

Don't you volunteer at this place regularly?

19382 · 12-25-2006, 10:09 AM

He can make the essay into whatever he wants it to be. It answers the prompt and tells a lot about his character. Who are you to say what adcoms are and are not looking for?

quiltguru · 12-25-2006, 11:45 AM

I think this is a terrific topic for an essay...remember to use it as a tool to tell the reader about YOU!