Transferring back to school after transferring out! - Page 2

kelsmom · 01-02-2007, 07:45 PM

It is relatively common for students to behave "differently" at this stage in their lives. Your daughter was going through so many changes & experiencing so many new things when she went off to the LAC. There is just no way to predict how that might play out in an individual. Most get through it just fine ... others have a bit of trouble. Believe me, I could tell you stories about kids falling apart. Mental illness (depression & worse) is more common than you might know in college kids. One friend & her husband had to actually take turns attending classes with their daughter and somehow get her through the end of her freshman year --- she refused to withdraw, but she was experiencing some very real mental issues. After a summer of very intensive therapy (and a short bout of medication), she was able to return. Believe me, NO ONE would have predicted her difficulties!!! Another friend's son stopped socializing or going to class halfway through his first semester & his dad had to drive 10 hours to bring him home. After a semester off, he is working & attending the local community college.

Your daughter is fortunate that she is able to work through her issues with a psychiatrist. She seems to be on the right track. Often, things work out for the best --- if the LAC doesn't work out, hopefully she can see it as a sign that something else would be better for her.

ms anon · 01-02-2007, 08:55 PM

My daughter was swayed by friends during her winter break and wanted to transfer to a school in our state. We didn't react and the idea went away, (she wasn't really happy with her college until the start of the sophomore year). My niece did transfer out and transferred back to her school. She sounds like your daughter, moving from an LAC to a larger school, a state school. I know her school wasn't terribly selective, and so that might make a difference in your case, but my niece did end up graduating on time and deemed the overall experience fine. I am not dealing here with the issue of semester off, it's just that everything for my niece moved along as originally planned. She spent a semester, I think, away from her LAC and I guesss the LAC accepted the credits she earned at the state school. It is my understanding that these days a lot of students transfer, and then transfer again. I think the colleges are aware of the trend and are willing to put up with some changes of mind that would earlier seem somewhat questionable. After all, the people involved are young and immature. Good luck to you and to your daughter.

PVmember · 01-02-2007, 11:04 PM

I'd be concerned about seeing her go back to school unless all her issues are resolved, and I don't see that happening quickly. Instead of jumping back and forth between schools, would she be willing to complete an AA at a community college where you can keep an eye on her and where she can get more support from her family than she is getting from friends? In a sense it sounds like she's almost too dependent on her friends and their situation to make hers work. I can't tell from what you said if it's an issue of maturity or if she's got some other emotional problems, but you don't want to have to deal with them from a distance. She doesn't sound ready to be on her own. She would also have a better chance of being accepted at her first school as a transfer if she had completed an AA degree with good grades than as a bouncing transfer student. Her current record may look like a poor risk for the school.

hoedown · 01-03-2007, 02:41 AM

FWIW, a good friend of mine did something similar--was attending my alma mater and decided she'd rather be a bigger place after her freshman year, so she transferred. She was at the bigger place less than a week when she concluded she'd made a terrible mistake. She was on the phone to our Dean, who said "Come on back." She started the term late, but managed just fine and graduated to become a faithful alum.

Your daughter isn't bailing quite so quickly as this. You know her better than we do, and can probably intuit whether this is a matter of her using moving as a way to escape problems.... Or a matter of her having a new appreciation for the realities of school and having a clearer view of what both schools truly offer her. If you feel like it's the latter (it sounds like you do) I have my fingers crossed for a positive response to her re-application to the LAC. Good luck.

snowball · 01-03-2007, 10:22 AM

PVmember-you may have missed the part where my daughter is home this semester taking classes and also has an internship. While home she is seeing a psychiatrist and met weekly with a therapist last semester while at the state u. So no, she will not be transferring or going back to the state u until the Fall of 2007; that gives her 8 months to figure out her issues. Why she transfered in the first place I don't know, but I do know she felt it was a mistake the first day at state u. We thought she was just having trouble with the transition, something that was never a problem for her in the past, so we encouraged her to push through and give it time. She joined a couple of community service projects that met weekly, joined a sorority that she is happy with, and has several friends. That said, she still found fault with the school. I still don't know if the transfer was the cause of the depression or the depression might have been there at the LAC; this is one of the issues she is working though with the psychiatrist.

If you ask her father, he will tell you he is sure she will go back to the LAC; I am not willing to give an opinion until she returns from her visit and interview there next month. I will have a much better feel after that time; if she is sure she loves the school, I will be able to hear it in her voice when she calls home from there!

I realize I seem to defend my daughter when someone has a post that might be viewed as negative; please understand I appreciate all viewpoints. So many of you have such insite, that I value each and everyone's ideas. I only wish I could express myself in writing as well as many of you are able.

Keep the thoughts coming!!

OldinJersey · 01-03-2007, 10:52 AM

My son was at a lac he loved until we had major financial setbacks. he happily agreed to go to the big state U. after 2 years at lac. What a trauma! He is fine and lived through it, but he never expected it to miss the lac so much. He actually thinks BigStateU ( Rutgers) is a wonderful school and hopes his little sister attends. He feels the move itself was what threw him off. He was very depressed for much of junior and senior year. Being a "tough guy" he sucked it up and we couldn't do much to ease it for him.
(he then worked, attended law school and is a happy new lawyer with all this behind him and two close sets of college friends - one set per school)
I have both at home and in my extended family a large variety of learning issues and forms of ADD. Have you looked at inattentive ADD? In my family these kids tend to be slow moving, daydreaming, sweet kids who are quite immature emotionally and tend to make rash decisions. Mostly they seem 3 or 4 years younger in some ways, though not intellectually!
The way your daughter reacted at the LAC seems more like that kind of issue to me. Not depressed, just not locked into the school and easily swayed by her peer group from home. Depression came, if at all, from being at Big State U.
Even though she is an adult I'd discuss this with the psychiatrist and perhaps see a developmental pediatrician, or just read up on all this.
We have family members with sons that have Oppositional Defiant Disorder and ADD. The Opposition and Defiance part are fading with age, but the tendency to drop one activity/college/job and leap to another "perfect" situation is still happening to an extent.
The reason I bring all this up is that unless you've dealt with this adults tend to assume the kid just needs a swift kick from reality. They do not have the skills in place to deal with things by themselves, without structure and direction. The hard part is having the student really know that about themselves. The psychiatrist, being both involved and not a family member, will make a huge difference I bet.

emeraldkity4 · 01-03-2007, 11:57 AM

My D had a friend who attended one year at the LAC, however, drove back near every weekend to Seattle to see a boyfriend.
Big surprise that she transfered the next year to the UW.
However, after a year at UW, she realized she really wanted to be back at Reed and she transferred back ( I don't think she would have been able to if she had waited longer without more difficulty)
Don't know if she is still with boyfriend, but she did graduate from Reed.

When my D was younger, she participated in many ECs, but usually one at a time, and I had her try them for at least a year, unless there were extenuating circumstances. A few months is not long enough to try something out, that you have made a committment to, and I believe in honoring commitments as well, it takes effort not to change at first sign of difficulty, but in many cases, it is worth it, if even just to learn that you can tough it out.

I would worry that she doesn't know what she wants, and would even advise some time off, as switching schools back and forth seems like an expensive way to find yourself.

PVmember · 01-03-2007, 03:43 PM

Snowball, I misunderstood what you said, although I still stand by my statement. If it were my child I wouldn't give her a third opportunity until I was sure it was the right and final choice. That's just me. You know your own child better than I do. I've learned from your situation that even when a school seems right it might not be and we must remain open to the possibility of change.

snowball · 01-03-2007, 05:32 PM

OldinJersey-interesting thought concerning the ADD; my daughter was diagnosed with ADD in first grade. As my oldest son was ADHD and quite the handful, we decided to try my daughter in medication. She only took it on school days, no weekends or summers. During high school she and her doctor talked about her trying to see how she would do without meds, but there never seemed to be a great time; either she was near exams, SAT's, AP's, a performance, med-terms, etc... She was always afraid if she stopped the medication her grades might suffer, then after her freshman year at the LAC she decided to quit her medication. When she seemed so off this last fall, I did speak to the doctor just on the off chance being off the medication might be contributing to her emotion upset. I was told this was not due to the medication as she never took it during the summer or weekends and we never had this problem before. When I talked to the psychiatrist, he was going to evaluate her for ADD again and see if he felt she might need to be back on the medication. While I have not ask my daughter about this recently, I do know she has not gotten a prescription from him, so either he is waiting or doesn't feel she needs anything at this time.

Thanks for the reminder of the ADD; I will ask my daughter about this when the time is right. I am trying to stay apart of her theraphy; listening when she wants to share. I tend to get tidbits thoughout the week, no full discussions like I did when she first started seeing a therapist at school.

mkm56 · 01-03-2007, 05:53 PM

When my son was diagnosed with ADD (as a college fresh.), his Dr. quizzed him in great depth regarding feelings of depression. He said that often ADD and depression can go hand in hand -- especially when the person is up against a stressful situation and the ADD interferes with coping mechanisms. He was quick to point out that one does not cause the other, nor do they have to both exist in the person, only that there is a much higher incidence of depression in ADD persons (especially untreated and when major life changes have occured).

snowball · 05-15-2007, 02:40 PM

UPDATE
My daughter has been in therapy and doing well. The doctor truly feels that there was never any real depression, just a child that was unhappy with her situation. She made a mistake in transferring school, letting her friends convince her that her ED school wasn't the best for her. In therapy she has learned to trust herself and while she values her friends opinions, she know she needs to do what is best for her.

Come August, my daughter will be heading back to her LAC that she attended freshman year. She is very happy and also a bit nervous. She know she will not be able to walk back into her old life, but she also knows her friends from the LAC as ecstatic to have her returning. There will be some adjustments at the school, the first being housing. Her closest friends are all living together; they tried to figure out a way to hold a spot in the room for her, but there was no way that could happen as she didn't find out her decision until today. As a transfer student she will be receiving housing with the freshman, although the housing office said they might be able to slip her in with current students on the waitlist for housing.

I knew this was what my daughter really wanted when she spent much time with advisors, the registrar, admissions, and semester abroad office trying to make sure all her ducks were in a row to return. She visited the school during the spring to meet with these people as well as making sure she felt the same about the school, which she did!

So things have settle down here a bit, and for that I am happy!!

bethievt · 05-15-2007, 03:21 PM

Thanks for the update. Glad to hear it's settled. I'll bet your daughter has learned a lot about herself and matured considerably as a result of this situation and how it was handled.

curmudgeon · 05-15-2007, 03:32 PM

Great news, snowball. (She needs to keep a) Steady hand on the rudder and y'all will get through this.

coolwater88 · 08-01-2009, 11:35 AM

alright..here is a question..
Is it advisable to talk to your first college advisor/counselor about the transferring plans to make sure it is possible to transfer back to same college after 2/3 quarters??
Also how many quarters do u have to be away in a different college to transfer back again to the same college?

thanks!

hj0519 · 08-01-2009, 12:45 PM

Coolwater, this thread is two years old. You should start your own topic with your questions in it in order to get your answers.