I feel bad, realy realy bad

[sax]

At this moment on another thread a college freshman daughter is mourning the end of her fathers life.

DadII: Life is too short and unpredictable for you to continue this behavior. Count your blessings and go and hug your daughter.

[StickerShock]

Blossom, holocaust survivors are only one of many ethnic groups with horror stories in their past that color how they view the world, or how they negotiate their surroundings. Just add them to the list of success stories. Sorry, but they acclimated very quickly, as did others. No excuses for refusal to adapt to a new culture. That has been done time & time again by many groups without losing an appreciation of their heritage.

[JeepMOM]

SAX -

At this moment on another thread a college freshman daughter is mourning the end of her fathers life.

DadII: Life is too short and unpredictable for you to continue this behavior. Count your blessings and go and hug your daughter.

That certainly puts this thread into a completely new perspective

[archermom]

Wow!
Even my own immigrant parents didn't go to such extremes in order to prove a point or to flex parental muscle because "they could." It made me cringe with sadness. On the one hand, DadII says he is proud of his children...especially of his daughter. But, he doesn't approve of her EC's and service type involvement with her school community. (You would think that D was out passed curfew hanging out with undesirables. Or worse, doing drugs!) She does all that...plus keeping up with her academic...and still manages to complete her college and scholarship applications. Sounds like great time management, a balanced life and, as a result, a well rounded person. After all this time, there should be some level of trust a parent has in his/her child. We all have "nagged" our children at one time or another...and hopefully they will have that "a-ha" moment. If not, then they need to learn that there are consequences for their inactions (or actions). But, to "sabotage" his D by turning off the power? Who does this hurt more? D or father?! Can you imagine the conversation with her friends the next morning?

[echofoxtrot]

I have started to wonder whether Dad II is the child rather than the Dad. That could explain the apparent and unusual lack of reserve in the posts, but also the need to vent. Moreover, if the poster is the child in disguise, it might explain the odd writing style which is sometimes articulate and colloquial yet sometimes lapses into low literacy.
If this is so, then I dearly hope, Dad II, that all our concern and support is getting thru to you. I do believe that kids who have to deal with hardships while they are growing up, frequently become strong and wise adults!

[sh60614]

To put DadII's criticism of his D's 34 on the ACT into perspective, it's reported today out of Cleveland that only 2 Ohioans and 63 nationwide earned a perfect score.

http://www.wkyc.com/news/education/e...?storyid=82730

[curmudgeon]

From the link provided:

Beach is also a National Merit Finalist and has an accumulative GPA over 4.0. He has applied to the University of Miami (FL), the University of Michigan, The Ohio State University, and Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute.

What a surprise. Look at this kid's list, DadII.

[CountingDown]

Sax,
You hit the nail on the head. Count your blessings, Dad II (and everyone else).

[Chedva]

I'm the child of holocaust survivors (albeit rare as my grandparents also survived). I grew up in the kind of environment, at least during the summers, that was described. I was 11 years old before I realized that not all elderly had accents - I thought it was something you developed as you got older, like gray hair. This culture also highly prizes education - as my father said, the only thing they can't take away from you is what you know. (Or, if you prefer, the old joke - What do you call a Jewish kid without a Ph.D? A dropout.)

However, they never went anywhere near these extremes, nor did I know any parents of that generation who did. And one thing generally united them - the desire that the children would be Americans. Yes, they all adapted, and gratefully, to what this country had to offer them and their children.

[starbright]

I think DadII is not all he/she is cracked up to be. Insulting or not, I prefer to give the poster the benefit of the doubt that he/she is NOT in real life the parent he/she portrays on here.

DadII says he earned a PhD in the US and he has lived many years in the US since. I do not believe for a moment he lacks the English language skills he portrays, anymore than I believe he is "a poor immigrant" as he states.

I've work with a ton of PhD students from China for many years. I frequently edit their papers. All of them, even upon first arrival, know how to spell "really" with two Ls and possess a far better command of English than DadII (on various occasions).

If he or she plays around with language, background, poverty, I have no doubt in my mind he or she plays as much with the core content of his or her posts. Just when we get outraged by the first post in this thread, DadII throws out another shocking tidbit of information for us to get all upset about.

But imposter or not, DadII has made a real contribution to this board by raising some important parenting issues worthy of discussion.

[cbreeze]

Originally Posted by mammall
I'm really appalled by this thread and the criticism and stereotyping of Asian parents. What if the topic were Jewish or Black or Muslim parents - would you all feel quite so comfortable with your accusations of child abuse, emotional cruelty, etc ?

I agree with you totally. There was another thread concerning an Asian American student (Jian Li) suing Princeton for discrimination that garnered a lot of posts spouting racial stereotypes. In fact, many of those who posted extensively on that thread are here again.

Do yourself a favor and spend three or four years talking to asian students on THIS board, and you may have a better idea about the pressure placed upon asian students in the context of highly selective schools.

Exactly how many actual Asian students have done this? Fifty? One hundred?As you well know, there are many students who remain on this board for years and they could have done multiple posts in multiple threads (just like this one) about the same topic. And we are not addressing the trolls here.

And how many Asians have you talked to in the real world ( just to get a more accurate sample) that have never complained that their parents were controlling and abusive? Strict, yes, but abusive, hardly.

The indictments are not coming from a bunch of racists and bigots ... they come from the children of parents who you claim are stereotyped and criticized in error. Do you think that the parents even realize what they do to their children? This thread should be a pretty good exhibit to dismiss that presumption

We are talking about one Dad here; and he claimed to be venting. I agree with many posters that perhaps he needs some professional counseling. But it has morphed into

negatives of a group of people

[bethievt]

In my opinion, he crossed a line--as a person, not as an ethnic stereotype--when he sabotaged his daughter's scholarship application and then blamed her for not starting it sooner. This is emotionally abusive behavior and it happens in every ethnic group and at every income/education level. No excuses.

[cbreeze]

Originally Posted by mammall
I'm really appalled by this thread and the criticism and stereotyping of Asian parents. What if the topic were Jewish or Black or Muslim parents - would you all feel quite so comfortable with your accusations of child abuse, emotional cruelty, etc ?

I agree with you totally. There was another thread concerning an Asian American student (Jian Li) suing Princeton for discrimination that garnered a lot of posts spouting racial stereotypes. In fact, many of those who posted extensively on that thread are here again.

Do yourself a favor and spend three or four years talking to asian students on THIS board, and you may have a better idea about the pressure placed upon asian students in the context of highly selective schools.

Exactly how many actual Asian students have done this? Fifty? One hundred?As you well know, there are many students who remain on this board for years and they could have done multiple posts in multiple threads (just like this one) about the same topic. And we are not addressing the trolls here.

And how many Asians have you talked to in the real world ( just to get a more accurate sample) that have never complained that their parents were controlling and abusive? Strict, yes, but abusive, hardly.

[/quote]The indictments are not coming from a bunch of racists and bigots ... they come from the children of parents who you claim are stereotyped and criticized in error. Do you think that the parents even realize what they do to their children? This thread should be a pretty good exhibit to dismiss that presumption [/quote]

We are talking about one Dad here; and he claimed to be venting. I agree with many posters that perhaps he needs some professional counseling. But it has morphed into

negatives of a group of people

[teriwtt]

In my opinion, he crossed a line--as a person, not as an ethnic stereotype--when he sabotaged his daughter's scholarship application and then blamed her for not starting it sooner. This is emotionally abusive behavior and it happens in every ethnic group and at every income/education level.

Agreed. I do think, though, that when we try to understand how someone can get to a point of behaving such as DadII, we tend to look at family of origin, cultural and societal pressures and practices to try to make some sense of it, not excuse it.

I think it scares the bageezus out of us when we realize that there are parents out there like this. We want some reassurance that there's some element of the behavior that can be 'explained' so that we don't ever have to worry about our stooping to that level ourselves if our own situation becomes stressful or traumatic. It doesn't mean it excuses his behavior... we just want to understand it, which is why so much of this thread has turned to speculation.

[doubleplay]

"we tend to look at family of origin, cultural and societal pressures and practices to try to make some sense of it, not excuse it."

It doesn't make sense of it. It's inexcusable to start a thread complaining about daughter not trying hard enough, procrastinating, etc. and AFTER pages and pages of posts and rebuttals, disclosing that he intentionally yanked the cord on D when she was TRYING. Any mental health professional, heck ANYONE, would tell you that's totally messed up.

I referred to the asian stereotype in a past thread. It was because the OP made it clear that he was asian, and alluded to every stereotype known to mankind. He himself made it clear that he was the asian parent pushing and pushing his daughter to do better, do better, not good enough, not good enough. No one had to 'guess' about that. It would be different if he came out with his 'story', completely anonymously, and people immediately assumed he was asian. But that's not the case.