I feel bad, realy realy bad

[Pizzagirl]

Muffy, I do live in the suburbs, and I stand by my statement. Please look at past threads for Dad II. In social situations, he appeared to brag in what most polite people (by American standards) would consider a gauche way about the specific achievements of his daughter. Note how others on CC were *praising* him for having attended a dinner with the boss during which he was able to refrain from bragging and was able to have polite chit-chat about his daughter and her college search without numbers-dropping.

[Columbia_Student]

DadII does NOT want D going to Ohio State--scholarship or not.

I think he is the one that asked his D to add Ohio State to her list.

[Pizzagirl]

Yes, he did ask her to add OSU to the list. But it's abundantly clear he considers OSU, even Honors, nothing even remotedly close to a "good" choice. It is very clear that the prestige of a program is of critical importance to him, and given his background, OSU doesn't have it. He seems to be oblivious that many successful people have gone to OSU. It's all about what the extended family thinks, and there are only a few certain colleges that are "worthwhile."

I think his real fear is that dd doesn't get in anywhere else (which is a possibility despite her excellent stats - none of the schools she's applying to are matches or safeties for *anyone*) and that he'll have the shame of sending her to OSU, and having to pay almost as much as he would have shelled out to send her to Harvard et al. Because that wouldn't be a "good deal", because you know, unless you wind up at Harvard your life pretty much isn't worth living.

I'm a USN&W Top 20 grad myself :-) and I understand being a prestige whore to some extent, but he is not in touch with reality.

[Pizzagirl]

Muffy, check out the thread entitled "Expectations" started by Dad II. It is in response to earlier threads in which he was chastised for being gauche by mentioning his daughter's stats in social conversations when others said to him, "So, how's your daughter doing these days? Getting ready for college?" and he would start quoting numbers.

[Muffy333]

Yes, I agree he/she/it violated Miss Manners' rules of etiquette, but I don't think that indicates being or not being from any particular culture, just another hyper parent.

[bethievt]

I know we're careful around here not to brag too openly about our kids. Around here meaning VT, not CC. One of the great reasons for hanging around CC is the shameless boasting that is appropriate because it's "Confidential"!

[Columbia_Student]

Pizzagirl, I agree with you. I just corrected the fact from my reading his post. I'm guessing his real fear is if she goes to OS and he has to pay full price. If that is the case it's his fault for yanking the cord.

[Muffy333]

I haven't noticed a lot of "shameless boasting" from CC parents, but maybe it makes less of an impact online. My dentist, my boss, and the lady who walks her chihuahua past my house have no problem talking about their kid's grades and SATs and fishing for info about my kids!

[sueinphilly]

just read that article posted above. For every one kid who can overcome an abusive upbringing, there are many many more who take decades, if a not a lifetime to overcome emotional abuse.

Kuddos to that fellow

[jazzymom]

I wonder if the subconscious motivation behind the power shut down was the prospect of having her apply for the OSU scholarship.....and not get it.

If the story about the brother with the Stanford student is true, this has to be the worst case scenario for him: brother's D gets full ride to Stanford and his D doesn't win the full ride to even OSU. He kept going on about how he thought she was going to turn in a bad application because it was done at the last minute so maybe that was the underlying reason for the sabotage.

Now, D is in the much more stressful situation of having to win substantial scholarship money from one of her reaches. If she does, she will win back her father's approval. If she doesn't, ell, I shudder to think.

My hope --- if this is a real person and not part of an elaborate internet theater piece with us as audience participation --- is that D approaches her GC, who helps her submit a past-deadline app to the OSU scholarship committee. She wins and has a safety net in case the other apps don't work out.

[sh60614]

That very well may be jazzymom. That would be a bitter pill for DadII to have to explain to brother.

I find it rather curious that, for someone with a need for merit aid, that no other public universities were put on the list--particularly for one living in the middle of the Big Ten schools. I think, in a semi-lucid moment, the in-state flagship was added as a financial safety (perhaps at the urging of a GC or boss) with the thought that D could not possibly end up there. Now, as the once unthinkable seems increasingly likely--DII even posted on the Ohio State thread once that it was D's second favorite on her list--DII is pulling out all the stops to ensure that what he views as a horrible mistake (allowing her to apply to even one public) doesn't end up costing him face with brother.

Disclaimer: I'm not a psychiatrist, but I did stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night.

[Columbia_Student]

If the story about the brother with the Stanford student is true, this has to be the worst case scenario for him: brother's D gets full ride to Stanford

I think the brother's D is a Phd student from Stanford right? Engineering too? Well at this level, they pay you to go to college. It's harder at the undergraduate level.

[coronax2]

My personal take is that pulling that plug was all about control. Pure and simple, he was furious that his daughter volunteered at the school that evening, although, it sounds as if she was finished by 8 pm. He was furious that she didn't work on her scholarship application on his time frame, so he made it impossible for her to finish.

DadII, in case you haven't gotten it yet, this action was cutting off your nose to spite your face. It served no useful purpose, other than allowing you to bully your daughter, cause her distress, and for you to throw another temper tantrum over her volunteer activities at school.

The girl is not out partying and running with the wrong crowd. She's at her school, staying involved, and having the type of senior year that we would all hope our kids enjoy. She's also winning awards and keeping up a phenomenal gpa.

You started thread out by saying you Feel bad, really really bad. Do you actually feel bad? I know I do...I feel really really bad for your daughter and son.

[jazzymom]

I'm not a psychiatrist, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

Lol. Same here.

Actually, I don't find it surprising that someone going through the application process for the first time, first kid, would completely misinterpret the rules of the FA/MA game and not realize the mistakes and missed oportunities until the apps were already in. And the landscape has changed again, with the new more generous policies for defining "need" for the purposes of FA at HYP.

I wonder if Dad11 will find that the bully tactic worked and D, saddled with the do or die pressure of winning the big scholarship at Duke or elsewhere, will do as Dad wants and work on those apps night and day until the deadline. I hope she's successful, even if that means Dad will feel completely justified in his approach.

[bethievt]

Yeah, but jazzymom, we've been giving him our expert advice for over a year--he didn't just get here.