Why is our household so calm during the waiting period? - Page 2

kittymom · 02-07-2008, 01:59 AM

Things were great when the safety acceptances came, we thought the hard part was over. D made plans to go to U of H with her best friend. They were going to room together and enjoy being together in Hawaii. Then the acceptance came from her dream school. She agonized and cried for two weeks. Friends told her to go to Hawaii, adults told her to go for the best school for her major. She was so torn and stressed. I was stressed trying not to exert any pressure even though I had strong opinions. She decided on U of H and then a scholarship offer came from the prestige school. She changed her mind on the last day. We are both very happy with her decision-but it was a rough few weeks. So don't assume the drama is over.

mountains · 02-07-2008, 05:11 AM

Thanks everyone for your replies, warnings

, assurances and best wishes. I'm more into "drama" than S or H ever will be, so I better brace myself in the coming months. In the meantime, I'll savor every minute of the fleeting calm.

NorthEastMom2 · 02-07-2008, 06:43 AM

For us the calm will come after mid-term grades are sent, which should be next week....Then a long wait until March 15. My d got accepted to 1 safety, so I am more relaxed now - up until that letter came last week I was very newrvous. And as someone else said, even more anxiously trying not to show my anxiety !!

originaloog · 02-07-2008, 07:58 AM

mountains, I think so much of this has to do with the parents and their expectations and anxiousness. If we make it clear that there is no one perfect college, that our student will indeed be happy at literally dozens of well chosen colleges and that safety/match colleges can be just as good academically and socially as more selective colleges anxiety levels are certain to be significantly reduced.

And yes, a nice acceptance in hand helps a lot.

Congrats mountains for excellently guiding your student through this important process.

JHS · 02-07-2008, 08:32 AM

I would like to believe that what originaloog says is true, but in our case it didn't feel like it. Or maybe it was true -- anxiety levels were "significantly reduced" -- but the significantly-reduced anxiety levels became pretty oppressive at times. This was despite the fact that each of our children had a perfectly good -- way more than good -- admission in hand in December, and indeed they spent a lot of time imagining themselves at the relevant college. The anxiety source wasn't just waiting to see about a dream school. It was dealing with their friends' anxieties, relatives, friends' parents, money, senioritis, the increasing realization that things were really going to change for everyone they knew, that time was running short for their relationships, and all that on top of normal teenage drama. They wanted to get on to the next stage of their lives, and not knowing where that was going to be, and with whom, was an irritant.

jashbela · 02-07-2008, 08:34 AM

my mom is so anxious

mountains · 02-07-2008, 11:33 AM

originaloog - Thank you for the nice compliment. This whole process is actually quite alien to me since I am an Asian immigrant (came here for grad school). I had to learn this whole process along with my son. H was born and bred in New England, but he was quite happy to leave the process to S and me, and give him updates. I'm glad I got it right the first (and only, I hope) time!

jsmom · 02-07-2008, 04:23 PM

My D is pretty calm - I am the one who is nervous. She got in to 3 schools so far and 2 gave scholarships. Now she is waiting to hear from 6 others. Frankly, I think she'd prefer a few schools to reject her - so that she can at least rule those schools out. She did say she will take every minute to decide so will make her decision May 1. So I anticipate things will be a bit stressed come March/April and scheduling revisits and weighing pros and cons. I think my nervousness comes as this is my firstborn and only girl. I will really miss her next year. I'm trying to give her more space, etc. this year - but it's really hard for me. So to answer the question - my D is totally calm - getting that first acceptance really helps. I think I will tell my son who is in 10th grade to apply somewhere that has rolling admissions or EA so you have one acceptance before the holidays. It definitely takes the stress off!

geezermom · 02-08-2008, 08:01 AM

It's calm in our house. I'm sure that's partly because my S has two "yeses," including one safety that's arguably the best in the field he wants, and one "no" from an OOS reach. But the real reason is the pressure is off and he's focusing on enjoying his friends. He's so happy right now just hanging out, doing an internship, and working on his senior project. The kids seem to be getting together more to watch movies, talk, and just be high school kids for a little while longer. We're visiting his #1 acceptance next weekend (he's visited, but not in depth), and my guess is he'll be pumped. He has one academic reach to go, plus two realistic possibilities that are financial reaches.

Advice to junior parents: Find a rolling admissions school your student loves. My S got his applications in by mid- to late September (I've already forgotten, because that was truly the stressful time) and heard within six weeks. He's still kept up with academics and other school-related things even though he knows "I'm going to college."

4Giggles · 02-08-2008, 08:10 AM

Junior parent here: We are one big storm now!!! I don't know if I can take another year. DD is really not so darling right now

So far list is 15 school across 8 states! I am sure I will be much better at this with the next 3.

rodney · 02-08-2008, 08:22 AM

JHS: "It was dealing with their friends' anxieties, relatives, friends' parents, money, senioritis, the increasing realization that things were really going to change for everyone they knew, that time was running short for their relationships, and all that on top of normal teenage drama."...Yep, the drama is getting more intense as the waiting wears on........When does it ease up?

mythmom · 02-08-2008, 09:33 AM

JHS's description was exactly what it was like here.

hikids · 02-08-2008, 10:19 AM

We have calmness also. Good safety school very early on, then an outstanding early action school have helped.

CountingDown · 02-08-2008, 11:28 AM

JHS,
Yup, that's what DS is anxious about, too. All of his friends.

scout59 · 02-08-2008, 12:20 PM

My D could be geezermom's son's twin. Her favorite school is her safety, from which she got her acceptance in October. She still hasn't committed to them 100% (there's another school in the mix, also an acceptance), but at the moment she is calm and happy. In fact, she's been such a joy to have around that I've accused her of being so pleasant JUST SO I'll be particularly heartbroken when she leaves this fall.

She also hangs out with friends a lot more, eats out, goes to the movies - but she also talks excitedly about going off to school and meeting new people. Where is that surly 8th grader? (... not that I want her back...)