The Advantages of Closing a Few Doors

map · 02-26-2008, 07:08 AM

In anticipation of the encroaching phase of indecisiveness that seems to inevitably accompany kids' needing to select among their various acceptance options, this article may be of interest:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/26/science/26tier.html

07DAD · 02-26-2008, 09:12 AM

It is a really helpful article. My S applied to 6 schools and was accepted at 4 with merit $$$$ at 3. Because we had discussed and defined the financial commitment of both parents ($$$) and S (merit scholarship credits) in ADVANCE, S was able to make his decision (quickly and easily) from the schools that fell within the parameters.

After the acceptances were in, he visited the school that HE liked the best within those parameters. And, bingo!!!!, he was excited about his choice AND didn't have the agony and parent/student emotional tug of war of many friends at his HS over making a choice.

I later asked him what his decision turned on. He said that he had only applied to places he was willing to attend and that he wanted as much of the parental money commitment left for graduate school as possible. So, he said he had no difficulty making the decision after visiting the one with the best merit $$.

I have not heard one word this freshman year about what could of or might of etc. been.

missypie · 02-26-2008, 09:34 AM

Timely article....one daughter is wondering if she should retire from competitive gymnastics this year and the other is wondering if she should retire from competitive dance this year.

originaloog · 02-26-2008, 09:50 AM

I think I am the anti-choice guy. I shake my head at people who used to spent thousand on keeping up on the home computer advances and who rarely got past the quick start instructions in the 800 page users manual. People who buy cars with every bell and whistle give me pause. I need ac, and power locks/windows are nice.

As for our son, he took a few years of piano lessons early on which was good because he learned to read music reasonably well and took a weekly trumpet lesson in the summer to maintain his ambiture(???). That was it for private lessons. Low maintenance kid.

Even in investments I am very laid back. I treated big market downturns as a blessing to buy shares cheap with reinvested dividends/capgains. With retirement looming I did convert a significant part of the portfolio to bonds and cash in early Jan because the economy seemed teetering on a precipice.

Choice? I dont need no stinkin choice! I'm simple! I'm a man after all!

CBBBlinker · 02-26-2008, 09:54 AM

missypie -- our DD went through the same decision thing about gymnastics & diving. (She picked up diving quite easily in 9th grade after all the years of gymnastics.) Not to go through the entire l-o-n-g story, but she ended up making the very rational decision that academics had to come first, and she wouldn't be either a gymnast or a diver for the rest of her life. As much as gymnastics was a huge part of her (and therefore my) life, I am extremely grateful she retired with no injuries, great memories, and incredible discipline and focus.

NorthMinnesota · 02-26-2008, 12:02 PM

Very timely for us! D2 is struggling on making a decision whether to play bball her senior year when she will be a starter.

Hunt · 02-26-2008, 12:11 PM

When my daughter dropped down from a travel soccer team to a rec team, it was one of the best decisions she (and we) ever made.

Rachacha · 02-26-2008, 01:55 PM

D just made the decision not to go to the nationals in her winter sport in order to concentrate on her ACT/SAT prep. Thought she was crazy at first, since the sport is a hook, particularly if she made the national team, but I think her decision will pay off in terms of better scores (I hope)....

MidwestMom2Kids_ · 02-26-2008, 01:56 PM

Dropping school fall soccer for senior year was the best decision DD made as a junior. She had really had fun with it but she was done. This made it easier to finish her Girl Scout gold award, to do her class president duties and stick with her other favorite extracurriculars, to keep up with assignments in her killer classes, and to find time to apply to colleges. (Yes, this is a girl who routinely really fills her schedule.)

Like everyone's kids on this board, D was really busy all fall and often worn out; I can't imagine what life would have been like with soccer, too. A little more fun with a lot more exhaustion, I suppose.

nngmm · 02-26-2008, 04:37 PM

Good Experience - Interview: Barry Schwartz, author, "The Paradox of Choice"

07DAD · 02-26-2008, 04:56 PM

From Schwartz' Interview:

Quote:

Some social science research says that one consequence of leaving your options open is that people are less satisfied with their decisions; if a decision is non-reversible, you'll make yourself feel better about the choice you made. If it's a reversible choice, you don't do that.

That is why I strongly suggest the parents have and articulate clear parameters on their financial commitment and stand back and let the student deal with those parameters. Those parameters restrict open-ended choice, while leaving the student some options. It seems to me that these limits do provide the student with a more satisfying process of making the selection. Not nearly as many "what -ifs," hesitations and "buyer's remorse.".

Not to mention all the agony and tea-leaf reading many parents go through in the process of "helping" in the decision process.

momsworried · 02-26-2008, 05:00 PM

The decision to drop basketball my son's junior year proved to be a godsend! He was beginning to dread going to practice and often complained. We felt if he quit this winter sport, he'd have too much time on his hands to sit around and watch TV. We gave him a simple choice. Continue playing basketball if HE enjoyed playing. Don't play for us! If he decided to quit the team, he must get a job BEFORE explaining to his coach why he quit. A week went by and then my S announced he was looking for a job. Within a day he found a retail job that he still works at today. We used the time in the winter to visit many colleges (some far away) and to have his wisdom teeth out. On the days he doesn't work or have homework, he works out for "his" sport which is golf.

But the BEST result of not playing basketball was a developed passion for cooking. The small amount of TV time was spent with the Food Network and PRESTO! I now have a live-in chef. No kidding!!! I will surely miss him when he goes away to college. At this very moment he is trying out a new "Low country" recipe from our trip to Charleton, SC. When one door closes, a few more bust open.

PackMom · 02-26-2008, 05:51 PM

S2 thought about dropping football for senior year but decided not too and was very glad. He was a starter on a team that had the best record in sch. history. It turned out to be really special and he would have regretted quitting so I'm glad he stuck with it.

S2 is a very average student with no elevated expectations for the college app. process. He applied to 2 in-state public schools that he thought he had a good chance to get in. He was accepted to his favorite in early Nov. and has had the luxury of enjoying his senior year knowing his decision is made.

I have thought a few times how ironic it has been that my "average" student with less choices has had his plans wrapped up and been happy as a clam for months while the others with many bigger better options are all stressed and still have not made a decision.

StitchInTime · 02-26-2008, 06:20 PM

NPR recently interviewed Dan Ariely. Audio for the interview (highly recommended) can be found here:

NPR: Dissecting People's 'Predictably Irrational' Behavior

Momneedsadvice · 02-26-2008, 07:10 PM

I wish D would close a few doors. She can't stand to miss out on anything. She plays a varsity sport, and also dances competitively year-round. She wants to take honors classes, but has such an extensive social life that she's having problems making homework the priority it should be. She wants to have it all, but she needs 30 hours in a day to make it all happen. I keep telling her life is about making choices, but somehow she's been managing to keep all the balls in the air and seems happy doing it.

At least we're only dealing with one hs sport. D wanted to play a second sport (different season), I put my foot down and said no. She cried for 2 days. 2 weeks later she told me that giving up the second sport was the best thing that could have happened; she doesn't miss it and hasn't looked back.

On the other hand, I know parents who made their kid choose between dance and high school sports. The kid chose sports. She quit dance - then got cut from the team and ended up with nothing. Maybe she should have made sure the sports door was really open to her before closing the dance door (and no, her parents won't allow her to go back to dance.)