Is it normal for a freshman to go to orientation without a parent?

[helpmegetin!]

I just signed up for orientation, and I'm going to school next year nine hours away from home. We just got back from a visit a few weeks ago and my parents took two days off from work to drive there and see the campus. I fell in love and made my decision to go there. I just asked my dad if I should sign up for orientation dates and he handed me his credit card and said do whatever you want. So I tried to discuss with him a good date to pick that would interfere the least with his schedule and mine...while he was walking away from me.
I shrugged it off and went to fill out the form that asked a lot about how many people were coming, about accomodations for parents etc.

So I figured my dad would come and my mom would stay here and man the family business..but when I tried to confirm, he says "I think you are probably going to end up going on your own."

Does this make sense? Have any of you parents seen kids on their own at orientation?
It would be different if I was going to my local state school because I have plenty of friends going there and at least I wouldn't feel so out of place. I am a pretty independent person, and am decent at making friends because I can talk to pretty much anyone. However, I just don't see this happening if everyone else has their parents to talk to.

I think I'm justified in feeling slightly hurt. I put on the form that 2 of us were coming and charged it anyway...it's his fault for not caring enough...right?

I remember our entire family going to my sister's orientation at a school less than two hours away that half of her high school went to. I feel like my dad is disappointed in where I am going and doesn't want to make an effort because of that. It's literally two days he has to take off of work. He claims that everything he and my mom work for is for us. If that really is true I don't understand why he can't take 2 days off to (if anything) show that he cares about his last kid.
[/end rant]

So im pretty angry now, and am too proud to ask him to please come with me...
So I guess what I'm trying to ask, will it really be okay for me to go by myself? Or is it going to suck?

[Marian]

If you're going to the kind of orientation that takes place in the middle of the summer, long before you move to the college campus for the academic year, you don't need your parent at all. Even if a parent did come, the two of you would not see each other. The (extensive) student orientation activities and (limited) parent orientation activities at most colleges take place separately. (I went along to my son's summer orientation, and we were separated within the first five minutes, not to see each other again until the next day.) The only reason why you might need a parent is if it is inordinately difficult for you to travel to the campus alone. But if you have access to a car and can drive there, or if the public transportation to the campus is reasonably decent, a parent is superfluous.

If you're going to the kind of orientation that immediately precedes move-in in August or September, having a parent with you for about 24 hours or so is a huge asset. In fact, this is true for all move-ins, whether or not orientation takes place at that time. Parents can rent cars (much easier than dealing with taxis and buses if you're arriving in the college community by plane and have lots of stuff). They can be sent on errands. They can help unpack your stuff and set up your room, if you happen to want them to, and they can take away superfluous boxes or suitcases that would otherwise clutter up your limited dorm room space. If you can possibly get a parent or other family member to come with you to move-in, do so.

[soproudofkids]

I went to orientation myself on a bus. That was a while ago of course

helpmegetin this might not be as big a deal as you think. Our oldest S is a sophomore, when we took him out for orientation they only had the parents on campus for a short portion of the overall orientation, and they kept us pretty separate from the students---because the main purpose is for the students to learn what they need to know and get to know the other students. I had big dreams of taking my S out for one last dinner etc, but my S just wanted to be with his new friends.

Don't know whether your orientation is right before the start of classes or not, but if you're worried how you'll get your dorm room set up if your parents don't go with you to orientation, don't. You can buy stuff in advance and ship it out, and your school is likely to run shuttles to local shopping areas.

If your orientation is right before the start of classes and you're feeling like they don't care enough to come with you and say a proper good-bye, I doubt that's the case. There's no relationship between whether they come with you and whether all of you say a proper good-bye.

[HisGraceFillsMe]

I think you're justified in feeling a little hurt, but try not to get carried away.

Your dad is probably more sad than you realize. You're his last baby girl (I'm in the same spot ), and maybe he thinks going with you would be too painful for him.

Sit down and have a talk with him. Otherwise this is going to create bad tension between you and your dad (and possibly your mom too).

[Neonzeus]

I think it stinks, BUT if you haven't told them that you want a parent, they may not know how you feel.

When my kids did orientation (an overnight), they were fully scheduled at the school. I sat in a hotel room and wasted the time. They had a small program going on for parents, but it didn't seem worth doing. It turned into a mini-vacation for me. When I picked my kids up the next day, we used the long drive home to talk about what they had experienced. And yeah, I took pictures so they could remember this stage of life.

On the other hand, perhaps your parents don't have enough vacation time or they could have financial reasons. You're going to college now, and more of the burden of trying to communicate adult-to-adult in shifting to you. Stifle those little-orphan-they-like him/her better feelings, and prepare for a calm discussion. Tell them that you'd like a parent to go with you (like they did for your sibling), and ask if there's any way it can be arranged. They might have a good reason. If they have a bad reason, tell them that you're disappointed in them and hope they can resolve the bad reason for you, but you'll know they'll do their best (yeah, guilt works both ways).

If they truly can't make it, you will be ok. When my kids did orientation, there were quite a few kids on their own. Some of them were local and drove themselves, some were very familiar with the school, some were from long distances, etc. You won't be the only one on your own, and no one needs to know that you don't have the whole family sitting in the parking lot waiting for you.

[HisGraceFillsMe]

Yeah...it even says on the school's web site that I'm going to:

"Parent Sessions include:
An informal discussion with top university administrators;

An informational session on academic requirements and programs,campus services, student life, on-campus/off-campus housing, and how to do business with the university;

Discussions regarding how to "let go" yet still be an important source of support for your son/daughter;

The opportunity to speak with current Sonoma State University students."

[thumper1]

In both of my kids' schools, there were kids with parents and kids without parents. We went to the last orientation in both cases (due to distance) and that was the one that included all of the international students. Most of them didn't have a parent with them. The students and parents are separated for most of the orientation activities. You will be with students for most of the time.

Perhaps your parents would rather take time off of work to take you TO school when it begins and help you get settled in your new dorm at your new college. I know...if I had had to make a choice, that is what I would have done as well...student would have gone to orientation alone...we would have all gone to the move in day.

You won't be the only one without a parent!! Just save all the information and share it with your mom and dad when you get home. My guess is that they will be very happy to hear all about it.

[scansmom]

Sometimes parents can be more concerned, anxious and overprotective with their oldest child's "firsts". It may be that your father does not have as many concerns or anxieties about you going off to college as he did with your older sister, not that he doesn't care. I would certainly talk to them if you really want them to be there (but keep in mind you won't see much of them anyway - and this could also be another reason they do not seem as interested in attending).

[helpmegetin!]

Ok..well i guess i overreacted a little bit.
The orientation is early June/signing up for classes...

Im just kind of weird in that I always want my dad's opinion on everything whether or not i take his advice...like i always bug him about choosing my schedule even though i usually have a decent and practical idea about what to do...i have already made a tentative schedule on my own for the next 4 years (im in a program that has a little flexibility)...

anyway...i guess i am a little excited about being on my own for a few days to see how it will be...im going to have to take a flight out there because i highly doubt my parents would let me drive 9 hours there by myself especially because im 16/just got my license...


I dont think they will feel the same way about when i move in..im pretty sure they will come for that...if they mention something about being too busy , we are definitely going to need to chat...



Thanks for all the posts...they were all very helpful...and useful in calming me down

[twosonmom]

I can understand your being hurt, but I think you should feel proud that your parents trust you enough to go and handle it all on your own. They must have a lot of confidence in you.

[doubleplay]

I don't think it will matter for class registration. At my kids school, they seperate the students from the parents in the morning and you don't see your kid until the second day. The students are taken through the process of class registration, and they go to all the presentations, sleep in a dorm, etc., without parents. (All is not lost- there is drop/add afterwards!)

I do suggest, however, that you might want some way of handling financial situations (as in, having a debit card, credit card, whatever)- for stuff like opening a bank account/card or meal plan, that is- if you want to at that time. I'm sure you can do it before or after orientation, but in many cases, they make it convenient to get all that taken care of while you're there. One less thing to think about as the big day draws near.

[coronax2]

Good advice, doubleday, about setting up the bank account, etc.

My son's college is a short drive from home. I took him to orientation, got the parent's schedule, walked over to see his room, and left. I knew I couldn't stay the day, because I had a younger one at home. The morning sessions didn't happen to have any new information for me. Parents did not participate in class registration. I wouldn't have seen him until the next day at pickup anyway, so me being there wasn't an issue for him. I bet your parents' realized that from your older sib's orientation. There were a lot of things I've done differently with sib2, after learning the hard way with sib1.

[crs1909]

I went to orientation by myself and of the 200 people that were also there, I probably saw only 20 or so parents. In my mind, there's no reason to have a parent with you.

Most of the parents that I interacted with were really irritating. One guy asked like 10 really random questions when all the business majors were touring the business college. At one point, I just snapped and couldn't take another ridiculous question, so I told him to shut up, and he didn't ask another question after that. Another father sat right beside me when I was talking to these two girls and he started talking to us about what college was like when he went, which was like 30 years ago. Why he was talking to us, I have no earthly idea. He essentially cok blocked me!

[Karen Colleges]

Yep, no problem for kids to go without a parent.

I did go to orientation, and enjoyed the information sessions for parents. But, S and I sat together for the welcome presentation, and barely saw each other again until the farewell bar-b-q the next day. There was no opportunity for him to ask me about choosing classes, or anything else.

[proudamerican007]

Yes it is fine to go alone for the student, parent has no role there what so ever.