Wall Street Journal: How Involved Should Parents Be in College Admissions?

[Columbia_Student]

I helped and I'm still working. In addition, I have to take another child to/from her intense ECs daily that she has won major awards in. I'm also in school right now, just finished my midterm exam. So I'm superbusy but I still would not quit my job.

[citymom]

Actually I suspect that quitting the job was an attempt to affect FAFSA, not to help the child with admissions. Otherwise taking a short vacation around Christmastime would be enough.
At least in our house college app rush was really intense for a very short period. Since the second week of December till mid-January. I cannot see what a moter could do before (unless she was writing essays) or after (unless she was interviewing instead of her daughter). Yes, now it is stressfull, but mostly because there is nothing we can do to help applications (and our D).

[mountains]

I kept my full-time job, managed to be an officer in a board, learned the college process (I moved here in my 20's) along with my son and helped out. In the process, I spent "just the right amount of time" with my son (his definition, not mine) and got to know him even better. If I had quit my job, not only could we not afford college, but I doubt if we'll still be speaking to each other.

[Singersmom07]

I was fortunate, company and I agreed to separate with consideration just before the height of audition season. I helped on all the administrative issues of scheduling a performance application. I consider myself semi-retired now and I could go with her for whatever she needed without worrying about work and time off. I started my consulting business slowly and did not pick it up until after she had selected her school and was settled. So quit job? - kind of. It was one of the reasons I wanted to leave and slow down.

[mammall]

By "involved" I guess I mean talking intensely and at great length to my D about where to apply, which essays to use on which applications, who to ask for recs, etc. She needed a very available and interested sounding board for about two to three months. I remember the terrible time she had cutting back her essays and it felt like a very draining job to me to cheer her on with that. So just in terms of committed moral support, available ear, strategy consultant -- yeah, I helped quite a lot. What more could a mom do? It's the kid who has to take the classes, sit for the exams, pursue the ECs, cultivate relationships with teachers. There really isn't that much a parent can do that is tangible. But the intangible emotional support is huge. I found it quite exhausting. Oddly, I found my job sort of therapeutic and re****l throughout the process.

[thumper1]

>>If your child is a 3 sport varsity athlete (or musician, dancer, science researcher etc.), with a multiple-AP class schedule, he/she will not have time to deal with the clerical details of ten applications and scholarship forms and recruiting calls. Most top student/athletes have had overloaded schedules since 9th grade. >>

DS is a very busy musician and was a varsity tennis player too, and he took two AP courses and an independent study his senior year. He was absent from school for 20 days attending music related events (festivals, masterclasses, etc). He was mighty busy. I did NOT quit my job to organize his college search. In fact, the only things I did were proofread his essays (which he completed in the summer between summer music festivals and school), and get a calendar to write down ALL of his obigations on.

Sorry...but he needed to own the college application process, not me. He did most of the work and completed all but one of his applications by October 15. We did accompany him to auditions.

I think that students need to do most of their own college application and admissions "stuff". If they are over booked, they need to start to learn that they might need to cut back. OR they need to figure out how to balance all of their interests. My kids figured out how to balance and cut back....and prioritize their obligations.

[anotherNJmom]

I know the admissions process has grown a life of its own during the last few years, but has anyone quit their job to help their child through the college admission process?

I read the article. I think there was a missing point. If her kid is a qualified top colleges candidates, there might have more to it. Considering lower the family income to be eligible for 'need-based' FA.

[laris]

I read this article earlier today and said to myself this is totally nuts to leave your job to get your kid into college. Either it's to lower the income for FA or to stave off the empty nest reality, focusing full time on college applications could not possibly be helpful to one's child or self.

[Narcissa]

insane helicoptering! bad bad

[great lakes mom]

My twins did their own applications, but coordinating the mailings, the taxes done on time the last day of January, the supplimentary financial aid forms, the FAFSAS, the Profiles, the music auditions and visits to multiple LAC was just a bit over the top. I coached my ex through his part in the process, his forms while keeping up with Ds busy with Ecs and part time jobs. Yes, I took some extra days off last winter, though I work less than full time. There are multiple steps in the process where a sounding board is needed, esp for two. Quit my job? No way, but it was an insanely intense time, with that on top of other obligations. Working full time would have put me over the edge for a few months in there.

[fireflyscout]

I started a job when my daughter was a junior and I found out how much college cost.

[1of42]

Originally Posted by fauve

If your child is a 3 sport varsity athlete (or musician, dancer, science researcher etc.), with a multiple-AP class schedule, he/she will not have time to deal with the clerical details of ten applications and scholarship forms and recruiting calls. Most top student/athletes have had overloaded schedules since 9th grade.

Don't think so. I played squash on a national level, which requires extreme time investment, as well as took demanding IB schedule, and applied to all the colleges I wanted with no help of any kind from my parents.

[Muffy333]

Many years ago I did 3 varsity sports and took 5 APs senior year and managed to fill out five applications and financial aid forms by hand, although the essays had to be generated on a manual typewriter (and I had to walk to the public library to make photocopies which was miles away uphill both ways in the snow). My kid just has to fill out a couple forms on line and hit submit!

[shawbridge]

We will be doing this next year but will definitely not quit our jobs. However, our son is pretty dyslexic and we will probably have him a) dictate some of his essays to us, because he finds that the least stressful mode of writing relative to pen, typing and speech recognition; b) help in identifying schools where the kids are as smart as he is but the curriculum is flexible enough for him to thrive; c) find someone to handle some of the clerical filling-in of information if there is a lot of it (don't know how much the Common App simplifies things; and d) assemble the application materials. He can do all of the steps, but they would be much more draining and would take away from substantively meaningful things he would otherwise be doing (e.g., completing his novel). We'll probably get some help on the logistical portion because we may be too busy to help ourselves.

We lived in Manhattan when my wife was pregnant with him and she was asked by friends if she'd put the yet unborn child on the waiting list for the right pre-schools, which was our best chance to get him to go to Harvard (these were serious, concerned friends and were not joking). Now, they'd be telling us to quite our jobs. I understand the pressure that the mother in NY is facing -- the kids are going from 6 AM to midnight with classes, homework, ECs in school, volunteer stuff, and assorted resume polishing activities so when do they have time to do 8 Tufts essays? But, what a bizarre world we live in.

[je_ne_sais_quoi]

Does anyone ever read these posts and think to themselves, "This is freaking insane?" Multiple varsity sports, scads of AP classes, music lessons/coaches, etc., running a family ragged in search of....what, exactly? Is this a healthy, balanced way to live? We were semi-sucked into that madness with daughter number one, and have vowed not to do the same with our later-born children.

There are ways to be sane about the process, but I don't know if those people visit College Confidential very much! I have friends and family who simply bought a few guide books, talked to their child's college counselor, visited the appropriate schools, and oversaw the application process so nothing fell between the cracks. To date, their children were accepted at about 95% of the schools to which they applied, and are enjoying spring break and senior year! These are not the "I have to be president/captain of everything, win national contests or competitions, take 15 AP classes, etc." They are good kids with solid grades who participated in a few things they loved. It all seems to be working out beautifully for them, and their family life was much less hectic during the high school years. These kids seem to know who they are and are more substantive, not simply a composite of scores, grades and achievements. I think even competitive colleges may be starting to prefer those sorts of kids, too!

After 18 years working at home, I am hoping to find a paying job next year to cover college expenses. There were days when the college application process felt like a full-time job, and I wondered how parents who both worked got it all done. It is very complicated, and different than anything most kids have ever done, and requires a level of maturity many students haven't achieved quite yet. My daughter had no idea where to start, but once I gave her a general overview of the process, she took it from there, for the most part.