Wall Street Journal: How Involved Should Parents Be in College Admissions?

[fauve]

Citymom- Suburban kid had daily 39mile roundtrip commute to soccer fields, which they drove on interstate..would have loved to have them on public transportation instead!! Weekday basketball games to towns 3 hours away on regular schedule, many nights of gameday included home arrivals at midnight. City, burb, or rural, student/athletes suffer huge sleep deprivation.

[Almostlaunched]

I have 2 kids in college right now. As far as I am concerned the application process is the start of the kids' realization of all aspects of getting into college as well as paying for it. If Mom and Dad do it all, how are they supposed to manage once they are in college. We as parents contributed our parts of the puzzle ie, income tax forms, fafsa, css profiles etc. As far as the search and application process that was our kids' responsibility. Sure my son would bounce ideas off of us regarding location or overall "feel" for a particular school which was expected and appreciated.

I can't imagine quitting a job or hiring someone to do this task for us.

[alchemymom]

I was fairly astonished at how time-consuming helping my daughter apply to colleges this fall turned out to be. For a different perspective, think for a moment about what the process is like if your child has been home schooled since kindergarten! She had no guidance counselor to help with anything - her father and I had to perform that function. We had no help from anyone. We had to create a transcript and a school profile, something usually done for you by your children's schools. I had to create a course description document - 16 pages - describing every course dd took during high school. She took courses from 6 different colleges and distance learning programs, and we had to have transcripts sent from every one to every college to which she applied. She needed extra tests and extra recommendations. I had to fill out all the Secondary School Report forms, the Common App Home School Supplement, and write the guidance counselor letter. All of this is on top of what parents whose kids have gone to traditional schools do.

It was a massive undertaking, but I would certainly do it again for the freedom and creativity this path afforded us with dd's applications (as well as her education). I also did not quit my job. I am Chief Finanacial Officer of a company I started with my husband 16 years ago, now with 45 employees - I didn't have the option to quit! If I could have, I might have been very tempted to do so, back in October when I was panicking about getting it all done. Thankfully, we are past that now and have lived to tell the tale.

Best of luck to all of your applicants!

[toneranger]

oh, this is crazy. Parents quitting their jobs to help their children with the admissions process?? There just CAN'T be many out there doing this. Or, IMO we have REALLY gone off the deep end.
Yes, I helped my son a bit with his applications. Mostly proofing and clerical work as well as helping him set up an organizational system to start with (folders, binders, spreadsheet). Some nagging too. He applied to 8 schools and all in the middle of a very busy schedule with sports and academics. so it was quite a task. But a full time job for the parent?? Oh my. Things are really moving in the wrong direction here...

[sybbie719]

wow, I did not quit my job to help my kid with the admissions process.

However, going throught he college process with my kid was the a catalyst for me to quit my job to help other people's children with the admissions process and a few other things; I career changed and became a GC and made a conscious decision to work with low income, first-gen, title I students.

[hikids]

Like many here, could not afford to and D would not have wanted the "interference".

[mominva]

I had 3 go through the process in 5 years. I made a conscious decision to stay 'part-time' in order to facilitate the visits. Originally, I thought that when the last hit HS I would return to 'full-time' work.

[epiphany]

I happened not to be working full-time at that time, when I had the situation such as fauve describes. Because D#1 was that category of prime candidate (and because it was my "first" in the New World of college admissions), it was extremely fortunate that I was not working full-time. I spent a great deal of time on research, which helped enormously.

Not in that position now with D#2, and no, I would not "quit my job." I've also therefore had less time to review, advise, etc. It may affect her admissions results somewhat, but mostly they will be affected by factors having nothing to do with my availability & much more to do with the level of competition & her test scores.

[CEH89]

I got no help with college admissions. Granted I only applied to 4 schools, but I arranged visits to at least 8, plus interviews. My parents did not fill out forms, or even proofread essays.
I'm also not a "top" student, no APs, but I am in several honors classes and had straight As 1st semester. I'm the captain of my team which practices 3 hours a day for three days. The other days we don't have practice, we had halftime performances, competitions, shows, parades, fundraisers... Plus my part-time job. Was it hard? Yes. Did I need to have my mom do it for me? Absolutely not. Even if I did ask her to help, it wouldn't have taken up so much time that she would've quit her job. That's just stupid, IMHO.

[2collegewego]

I nagged... a LOT. That's got to be worth something! LOL

I never proofed essays and did nothing involving the actual applications except nag and take her to the post office to mail them.

I did research schools a LOT-- not just for academics and how well they match her but for financial matches. I did take her to visit. I did read a lot about what colleges are looking for (including reading here) and pass along the info. I did keep track of what colleges were visiting her school and nag her to go to the presentation. (She missed a good half of them because they always met during the same class!)

I also spent a lot of time researching scholarships and organizing them. That was/ is way more time consuming than the actual college applications. I did clerical work for them-- print them out, on one or two fill out the info part and leave the essays for her, hand them to her. She really, really hated doing most of the scholarship applications. And I did all of the financial aid paperwork-- which was actually a pain-- but it all seems to have paid off.

[epiphany]

"City, burb, or rural, student/athletes suffer huge sleep deprivation."

So do student performing artists in multiple arts, requiring daily formal training to maintain their own desired level of competitiveness & achievement. (Not to mention, like sports, daily practice in anything involving the body -- music, dance, for example, let alone both together, which my children have had.) On top of that they had commutes from big city to suburb on public transportation, including waits for links.

That was in excess of 3-7 AP and Honors courses every semester. To me, what is more "insane" than quitting a job, is the insane level of expectation at very competitive public or private high schools. It's a compressed 4 years, resembling very much the first years when one's adult career takes off, & one is "proving" oneself. (Only these aren't adults!)

"Sleep deprivation?" Mine could write the book.

[bullwinkle]

This subject is really sad. While a pointer here and some advice there can surely help, if you can't essentially apply to college yourself, especially in this age of the common application, you may not truly be ready to attend.

Other than your essay, it's pretty much just following some basic instructions.

[epiphany]

I don't know about "sad." I think it's more just about realism. For the majority of students, good school counselors, moderate parental advice, and the student's own due diligence will suffice. But it is surprising how absent the first 2 elements can be. Combine that with the fact that college admissions has vastly changed in style & emphasis since Boomers went to college, and a whole different level of time-involvement is necessary. By time-involvement I do not mean helping with the applications. I mean (as others mean) research, investigation, sharing ideas with student about college lists & the consequences thereof. That just comes with parenting. I don't think that's "sad." Even very independent students often want that "second voice." But add to that, financial aid considerations, which can be sophisticated & complex to tackle, and it's an unfortunate fact of life that parental contribution to the information end of it can make a difference in the ultimate results.

[bullwinkle]

Well, I think applying to day is easier than it was years ago. Back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and I applied to college there was no internet, cell phones, instant messaging, email, virtual tours, SAT prep courses, etc. and there was no common application, college guides, etc. etc. but there were no less schools and no fewer concerns and considerations then those one could consider now. I think parents today just like to think it is more complex today so they can justify their (over involvement).

the process has just become over blown and out of control in large part by the "helicopter parent" generation. I was trying to be kind in calling it sad. I think the level to which too many people take the college search is pathetic and unrealistic and unnecessary.

Maybe my circumstances are just unusual then as our D made all her SAT arrangements alone, applied to about 12 schools entirely on her own, did all her essays alone, arranged her own visits, met with the school counselor, had some discussion with us. She is now a freshman at an excellent Mid-West University. Our son was a recruited athlete and dealt with several dozen schools recruiting him, plus everything else that goes w/ applying to college and again, beyond some advice here and there did this on his own and ended up at a LAC that is routinely ranked in the top 5 nationally and will graduate this May (in 4 yrs).

To quit your job for this application process? I am sorry, that is complete overkill in my opinion and I remain of the belief that if a student needs the enormity of help some receive then perhaps they are not ready for college. Espcially keeping in mind that in just a few months from application time they will be at a college somewhere, perhaps 3000 miles away from home and on their own and need to be ready to stand on their own two feet.

Typically though none of this is the student's need, just the "stage door mom" psychology and the mistaken belief you can actually clear your child's path through life, coupled with those that never cease to live vicariously through their child and never allow the child to have their own life experience.

[archiemom]

Absolutely, beautifully put. The sooner we get out of their lives and let them make their own decisions and mistakes, the better.

Perhaps in hindsight, the development of independence from an earlier age would be ideal.