Wall Street Journal: How Involved Should Parents Be in College Admissions?

[gladmom]

I work part-time and had time to help my son. He was admitted EA for fall 2008 at Stanford. I think that unless your family is wealthy enough to pay everything for your child's college education or your child is so brilliant that he can get merit$ for all expenses, then the college application procedure is a family project. My son did all of the HEAD work for his application: researched schools, decided where to apply and visit; wrote essays; picked who to ask for letters of rec; decided on all high school coursework; chose all EC's and which to mention on apps; how many times to take SAT/ACT(once each). I did all of the SECRETARIAL work; entered data in online and paper forms; kept track of deadlines, gathered and input financial info for CSSProf, FAFSA and IDOC. He is extraordinarily grateful for the many hours that I saved him, which helped him to get the great grades, participate in the EC's, focus on essay writing and do all the things a kid needs to do to get into the school of his dreams. He did not overdo the EC's. He gets a good night's sleep every night (his choice). So do I, knowing that the financial information was correctly entered, thus helping his chance for financial aid. Wherever money that I must provide is involved, I will be hovering along with the other helicopter parents.

[JC*]

Definitely spent a lot of time helping D, mostly making sure she did everything she was suppose to! I work a minimum 50 hour week, but well you just stay up a little later or get up early to do the extra needed during application time! Yep, need the job to pay for college and need to show that you just fit it all in and keep the balance. What kind of example is it to quit something to take care of other business that should be manageable!

[quareidfaciam]

My neighbor quit her job just before her oldest D went into hs. Her theory is that hs is the most critical time in their lives after which she will have little impact. Both Ds were valedictorians and both study at Wharton.

[jelomom2003]

gladmom-

I have to agree, with the cost of education increasing disproportionate to incomes, how can parents/families afford not to be involved! All my children must make a sacrifice for the college student's opportunity.

I went through the college application process two years in a row and thought that I would be crazy by the end. I may be! It was grueling and was additionally complicated with a homeschooled applications.

[CountingDown]

I've been home due to illness during this process, but running a small business on the side that hits its peak during October-December. Life was crazy, but in a good way. I share LTS's perspective on this -- I got the same kind of joy out of the application process that she does from her client meetings these days.

I paid attention to deadlines, put up a master calendar (mainly for my benefit), made a couple of spreadsheets that neither of us ever looked at again, and printed labels. I took him to Fed Ex and the post office so he could fill out the labels and figure out how to ship things. DS and I talked a great deal about what he wanted and what schools would provide those opportunities -- that has been an ongoing conversation over the past two years. He formed his list a year ago and has barely deviated from it. The schools he thought would be 1, 2, and 3 then are the same schools that are 1, 2 and 3 now. We talked a lot about his essays -- but those were his work and his voice. That much was clear. Some I never saw until they were done.

Midway through the application process he got some big awards that involved missing school and spending much extra time preparing for same. From my end, I had to really watch the time management end of things to keep things from falling through the cracks. On the other hand, these goodies wound up making the difference for him in his apps, so it was all good.

If I were working, would I have quit my job? No. Am I glad I had the time, flexibility and health to be involved? Heck yes. This has been a wonderful way to spend DS's last year at home, and he has been a joy to be around.

DS2 is a soph, so we will go through this again in the not-too-distant future. I may be working then; it depends. That is currently under considerable hot debate.

[kitkat82]

I helped alot with the applications (proofing, set up a notebook with all the info he needed, and nudging, reminding of deadlines, etc.). But had I quit my job, my children would not be able to go. I just live on a different planet than some of these people!

We did miss one deadline on a school - I had been reminding him on and on about it - he went in the night before and discovered there were multiple essays- that school got written off. His fault. I could only do so much.

[pedrossi]

My parents only helped when I asked them to, and they weren't at all aware of any deadlines. In fact, they couldn't even tell you all of the schools I applied to except for maybe my top two or three. Can't really blame them as we moved to the U.S. a few years ago so they were (and still are, to some extent) clueless as to how the college admission process works here. I guess I will be mentoring my younger brother by phone/IM when it's time for him to go through the process in a couple of years...

[Roger_Dooley]

Wow, quitting your HR job to help with college apps... I've heard of helicopter parents, but that one is a one-person aircraft carrier.

[aristotle1990]

Any child who needs her parents' full-time "help" with college isn't being prepared well for college itself.

I'm in the same situation as pedrossi. My parents hardly know where I've applied. I've examined all the requirements, have taken all the tests, have sent them out without their knowing or caring, have sent emails and updates to my various schools, have scheduled the interviews myself, &c. I composed my essays solely by myself and without any guidance; my mom read them only the night before I sent them out, and only at my request. I just don't think parental (or guidance counselor) involvement is really necessary, and certainly not at this level.

[MetFan2289]

This is so stupid. Whoever is too ignorant to figure out what to do to apply and get into college shouldn't be going. I, by myself, applied to 8 schools, sent in all the financial aid, test scores, transcripts, essays, etc. I would assume that a majority of college bound students are like me. They do it themselves. To hire someone is such a waste, but then again, some rich people are like that. I understand that it can be a hassle, but most kids should be able to figure it out, especially the ones who are looking to go to Ivies or other top ranked schools.

[Newjack88]

This is so stupid.

I completely agree. A friend of mine visited Yale over spring break and he overheard an Asian mom telling her son, who is a sophomore, "You must go [to Yale]." If I were that kid, I would have been like, "Are you kidding me? You know it's not that easy..." In cases like this I think parents do more harm than good. Yes, it's good to motivate a kid to achieve, but to pick out his or her life goals? That seems a little much.

In addition, one thing that I find ridiculous is that parents schedule appointments to complain to teachers about their kid's grades!? I hope that these parents know that many schools, like my own, make note of said parents and often have the guidance counselor mention the level of parent involvement. Just letting some of you CC helicopter parents know that you are probably screwing over your kids. I think that more schools should start discouraging this type of parental behavior. Why not just let the smart kids be the smart kids? Why do some parents go to extremes, like hiring college counselors and tutors for AP classes, just so that their kid, who's really a workaholic who "grinds" out "success", is seen as smart by Ivy League schools? I think that this is totally unfair and I am glad that colleges are being more subjective because it makes it college admissions more fair for your typical high school student who fills out their own college application, who writes their own essays, who teaches themselves AP material, who selects their own ECs and hobbies, etc. like myself, MetFan2289, and many others on CC.

[ryansk8erboy]

thats pretty pathetic that people give up jobs and higher assistants, if you cant fill out an application on your own, how do you plan to live on your own once your are at college

[darklordmoo]

did everything myself too...
in fact, my parents didn't even bother asking where I applied

[oregon101]

hmm..I am a mental health counselor. I had two sessions today with similiar young men. Both are 24 years old and both have unexpected pregnancies with their short term girlfriends. Both are very solid guys who are stepping up and trying to make things OK for their new families. (this gets better) Both have two year degrees from a good college in our city. BOTH are very bright young men and very good in Math. NEITHER had parents who helped them with their college applications or talked with them very much about their aspirations although these same parents when to college. End of my comments....

[darklordmoo]

ah, but I've always done everything independently, and my parents accept that (they'd probably help if I asked) ; and I got into my top choice.