Different way of asking which school question

[midatlmom]

Calmom--You've offered some good ideas about Stanford environmental studies and I think there is a very good chance that Dad II's daughter will fall in love with the school and the problem will be solved.

However, the Duke environmental science and policy program is extremely well known and not very small at all. It also offers the opportunity for undergraduates to take courses at Duke's Nicolas School of the Environment, also very well-known. In addition, Duke has a marine biology lab and a forest that students can use.

[calmom]

Originally Posted by kelsmom

I know that it's easier to spend Dad's money than it is my own!

That's why I posted as I did -- too often on CC the "advice" involves spending other people's money. Since Dad II said there is a big gap between EFC and the cost of "School A"..... well, I think that "advice" that does not take finances into account can cause more conflict and consternation, and a dose of reality is important.

There are very few of us who would advocate buying a kid a car or even a restaurant meal that was beyond the family's budget or means simply because the kid had their heart set on it .... yet somehow with the college choice reason and logic seems to fly out the window. I can understand the dilemma faced by a family where the only options are too costly, which is probably the case with many students who do not qualify for admission at well-endowed schools with generous financial aid policies. I suppose in that case sacrifices need to be made.

But when a kid is faced with a number of good choices, some of which are affordable and others which are not.... then I don't think the parent needs to feel guilty about saying no to those which are too costly.

Personally, I feel that sometimes it is worthwhile to pay attention to the hand of fate. When one school offers $$$$$ and the other offers zilch... there is a message in there somewhere, at least for those who are wise enough to look for it.

--------
On the other hand, I want to note one thing: If indeed School A is Duke, then I certainly would encourage a re-evaluation of their financial aid offer accompanied by a copy of Stanford's offer. Perhaps the situation might change. (Duke claims that it will not "negotiate" or "match" offers from other schools.... so the key words are "re-evaluation", along with the polite suggestion that perhaps there has been some error in calculating financial need).

[thumper1]

Clearly this is a Dad II family decision. I just hope Dad II daughter wasn't led down a primrose path regarding her college choices and finances. She had a number of good acceptances...and financial aid offers (from reading other posts). I hope it all works out for the daughter. ALL of the schools to which the daughter got accepted are great (Duke, OSU, Vandy, WashU, OSU, Stanford...taken from posts elsewhere). And yes...even the instate option of OSU is a wonderful choice.

[calmom]

I just hope Dad II daughter wasn't led down a primrose path regarding her college choices and finances.

Given how often Dad II posted here fretting about his financial worries, I doubt that his daughter has been led down any primrose paths.... my impression is that its more likely that Dad II has been complaining about the possible expense every step of the way. Also, given the way Dad II described some of the little spats he has had with his daughter along the way over studying for exams or preparing essays.... my guess is that the lines of communication are wide open in that family, even if it gets a little testy sometimes. I can just imagine Dad II starting a conversation on just about any topic and his daughter rolling her eyes and groaning, "Daaaad! You've told me this about a million times already!"