When do you start to feel the pain?

[Dad II]

This is, I guess, still the celebration period. The application process is over and all school have been notified of our decision. DD is working on her AP tests and every thing seems normal.

However, in the back of my head I know there is a billl to be paid. A rather large bill and it will be coming for years. Is it like when you buy stuffs with a credit card? You were all happy about what you purchased and then one month later you felt shocked when you see the bill.

This is our first time and we have not written a check yet. When does it hit and how hard?

[abasket]

For us, the bill is divided in quarters, so we pay 3 times during the year (fall, winter, spring). The first year, not so bad, cause she has had extra scholarship $$$$. Next year will likely be a little tougher.

Before you made the decision on the college choice, you must decide that hte $$$ can work, and then, be prepared to give them up.

I must say, while it was harder to convince my husband that D's choice was the right choice even though it was more $$$, as the year went on and he saw the benefits she reaped and earned (a job major related, a freshman internship, a nomination for a special honors award, etc.) even, he, Mr. Tightwad, agreed that she was at the right place. That helps it hurt a bit less. : )

Our D too, though, must feel the pain as well. She has costs she is responsible for and will continue to work summers and during the year to help the fees battle.

[mathmom]

We put the bill on a ten month plan and pay it electronically. Not so painful if you don't actually write those big checks!

[yayverily]

Dad--The real pain that's coming will be in your heart, not your wallet. You will write the check and you will get satisfaction in knowing that you're helping your DD achieve her dreams. When she leaves for college, you will miss her.

And look on the bright side--you will be able to sit more comfortably after your wallet gets thinner.

I don't know your financial situation, but if you can't afford the college she is attending, then she should be pitching in and helping, contributing from summer jobs and/or taking on some of the debt herself.

For us, there are different payment options--we make two payments a year, in August and January, as I recall.

[menloparkmom]

You should check with the bursers office at your D's chosen college to see if paymants can be broken up and deducted monthly vrs writing a large check 2-3 times a year. many colleges have payment plans that make paying for college a little easier to swallow by allowing monthy decuctions from a checking acct.

[sueinphilly]

well I sent in the 1K housing deposit for fall 2008 already (back in feb so they have my $$ for 6+ months)
So when I pay the bill for whatever his scholarship and loans don't cover, it will be less painful.

But it is still painful, to make 2 payments (I don't do the payment plan) that are each about my total mortgage costs for the entire year.

S doesn't want to be on a meal plan next year so I will be paying him what I would have spent on a meal plan, about $120 a week (which is more than 2x what I spend on myself). Oh goodness, just writing this out was painful

[scout59]

Huh. When I first saw the title of this thread, my immediate thought was "Pain? I'm already feeling pain" - the emotional kind that yayverily mentioned. Every little milestone - the last "first day of school", the last parent-teacher conference, senior pictures, buying a dress for prom - feels bittersweet.

And then I realized we were talking about money. A different kind of pain, I guess. Oh, well. No need to highjack this thread! Carry on.....

[Columbia_Student]

^I thought the same thing. The pain of missing his daughter. But we know better. DadII is a number guy.

[Dad II]

^^^ scout59, Now see what you did. I have been trying VERY hard not to thinking about that aspect.

I talked to DD a couple months back. For 18 years, we have had such a joy watching her growing up almost on daily basis. Once she leaves in fall, we will probably see her a total of 2 years within the next 30- 40 years.

I need a paper towel.

[scout59]

I know how you feel, DadII. My D is an only child, and I'm feeling especially weepy these days. I know that the financial worries will catch up with me sooner or later, but right now the financial pain seems insignificant in comparison.

See - I TOLD you I was weepy! And it's only April!!

[Lafalum84]

We pay twice per year. Writing a check that large doesn't even feel real. Especially since right now the money is still coming from the 529. When that runs out... ouch. But no, I don't have any buyer's remorse or regret, even though we're paying full freight at a pricey LAC. DS is happy there, growing, learning, making friends... it's worth it.

But leaving DS at college was a much deeper pain. Happy, because he is in a great place to grow, but sad because after 18 years with us this part of his journey is on his own. Bittersweet. They say all that stuff about giving your child wings, but it's really hard to watch them fly away - no matter how proud you are or how happy you are for them.

[ellemenope]

Joy comes, though, when you write that last tuition check, which we did last December!

[yayverily]

"Joy comes...when you write that last tuition check..."

So does newfound wealth, or so I've been told. (I'm only halfway there).

[thumper1]

Dad II, during you D's college search you posted many mixed posts regarding your family finances. In the end, you also posted about the comparisons of two schools re: programs and costs. From your posts, it sounded like your daughter had some great options both in the school choice department and financially. At this point the decision has been made, so that is that. Most schools have a monthly payment option often managed through a third party vendor (we use Tuitionpay). You set up the account for a small fee, and the money is automatically withdrawn from your account on a monthly basis. You can pick any number of months for the payments up to 12. Check with the bursar's office at your daughter's school and they will be able to tell you who to contact...we got the "stuff" in the mail with our first bill.

Your daughter is entering a whole new phase of life and you should be pleased and proud. And you'll see her, just not daily.

[oldfort]

We always took for granted that we were going to pay 100% of college expense for our older daughter, then a LAC decided to give her a merit scholarship for full tuition. It was a very hard decision to turn it down. A year later, we have come to term with it (we just pretend the scholarship never happened). But every once in a while, I do dream about what we could have done with that money.