My parents is forcing me to go to a college I don't want to attend!

[BassDad]

The ED application to Emory could also be a red herring. What if the OP's parents made them submit it? I do not think we can assume anything based on that application and would not be at all surprised if there were some other critical piece of information (e.g. the boyfriend/girfriend scenario) that has not yet been divulged.

[ellemenope]

>>No matter how frustrated,angry, and disappointed you are with them, there will be a time later in your life when either you will desperately need them or vice versa. How you handle this situation right now will make all the difference in the world later on and keep the door open or shut for reconciliation.<<

Also how the parents handle this situation could make a difference on what the future holds for them. Remember, you could be picking the assisted living home for your parents...

"I know that you wanted to go to nursing home abc, but I've already put down a deposit on home xyz."

[chuy]

They want her to take debt to do the 2/2 thing. This isn't a money struggle.

Everyone telling you to go to Oxford is wrong. Please disregard them. Your parents do not know what is best for you in this circumstance, and neither do the other people's parents apparently.

[nngmm]

Your parents do not know what is best for you in this circumstance, and neither do the other people's parents apparently.

Oh, of course not. Bu YOU, chuy, know what's best for the OP, because you are just soooo wise and experienced.

[thumper1]

>>They want her to take debt to do the 2/2 thing. This isn't a money struggle.>>

Did I miss something? I don't recall that she got a free ride to Mercer. I don't recall that Mercer is going to cost less than Oxford/Emory for this student.

I would like to know why this student WANTS to go to Mercer. Could it be that she prefers a smaller school? Could it be that she felt more comfortable there?

Did the parents know she was applying to both schools?

I have to say.....Emory is a fabulous school. If the parents knew this student was applying to other schools, however, it would seem that the parents would include the student in decision making.

In the end...it's the student who will be attending college in the fall, not the parents. I want to know the compelling reasons that the parents want Emory, and the compelling reasons the student wants Mercer. To me...both parties should be looking at those reasons and THEN make a decision.

[MarinMom]

Mika, I think that you could get a perfectly good CS education at either school, and if it were me I would try to love the school that would allow me to graduate with the least amount of debt.

About the pre-med discussion with your parents - let me offer some positive reasons why you might want to defer that discussion and take the pre-med requirements. I started out in college as a premed but quickly gave up the idea, as I had no sense of vocation for it. I fell in love with Biology and as a Bio major ended up taking every premed requirement (except for the quant. Chem lab, I think). I didn't end up as a biologist, instead I got a job as a programmer/analyst and later went back to school to get an MBA. I have never regretted my science education, however. Those premed courses are a terrific foundation for just about any job. You'll get a basic education in math, physics, chem, and bio. Some of those classes will be required for the CS major anyway, as as for the rest, when you start working it won't be in a vacuum, and since the big growth areas in this country are in health and biotech, it can only be an advantage to you to have some background in chemistry and bio.

Also, even though you love CS right now, you may find when you get to college that your interests and focus change. Don't lock yourself now into any one major; keep your options open. There are so many paths to success, and you never know which one will beckon.

I completely second everyone else's opinion about med school - don't go unless you really, really want to. But it's just not important to have that discussion with your parents yet.

[csprof2000]

After having looked into it, I concede that I was wrong about what constitutes financial dependence. I apologize and I strike the part about being able to qualify for federal aid in that way. I also apologize for mathmom for assuming I knew what I was talking about, while she was right and I was wrong.

Still, the rest of my point stands, and I hope that the girl will listen to the real message: there exist real ways of making it work, it's her life and not her parents', and she has to decide for herself whether loans and a part-time job, and possibly delayed graduation, are worth doing what she wants to do with her life.

I'm a bit of an idealist, but I would say that she should go for it no matter what. Girls in computer science are generally well funded, which I know for a fact... to bolster recruitment, you know. If her grades are good and she applies for the right scholarships, that could significantly help out.

Part time work, and being a part time student, are very real options. She could work 20 hours per week and take 12 hours of classes easily, depending on her ability and level of commitment. I worked ~30 hours per week and took 18 hour semesters in undergraduate CS (and my interests are similar to hers) and I maintained an undergraduate GPA ~ 3.95. It is possible to be self-funded, particularly with a few well-placed loans.

Don't discourage the girl from having the courage to do what it takes to follow her dreams. That's just despicable.

[EMM1]

You know, chuy, people post questions on this forum to get advice from parents, not other students.

But, just out of curiosity--how would YOU suggest that the OP pay for Mercer if her parents remain adamant?

[thumper1]

csprof, Thanks for clarifying your position on financial aid.

One thing...you say not to discourage this girl from her dreams. I agree in some way...but her dream is to attend Mercer, not work part time and go to school part time. Your suggestion also requires that she modify her dream. At least if she goes to Oxford/Emory, she will be getting a degree that will enable her to pursue her career once she graduates...and with some help from her family. She has to decide if that is worth a modification of her dream...just as she would have to decide if working part time is worth a modification of her dream.

[csprof2000]

Fair enough. If her parents can convince her, and she decides for herself, that going to Oxford Emory wouldn't be the end of the world, that's her decision. But if she's really sure about what she wants to do with all her heart, you only get one life to live.

[MidwestMom2Kids_]

Your parents cannot make you take a college loan to go to Oxford/Emory.
You are an adult.

If they decide take out a loan themselves or pull money from their savings to send you to Oxford/Emory, you should go there and appreciate that your parents are willing to send you. You would enjoy it there. You could take computer science classes and some pre-med classes. It would be fine.

Do not, I repeat, do NOT sign on the dotted line to take on a loan yourself. A loan document is a legal binding agreement that only an adult can enter into. You are old enough to take on a loan yourself, and you are old enough to decide not to take on that loan. Even "giving it a try for a year" would lead to a very expensive loan.

If you do not take on a loan to go to Oxford/Emory, your tuition bill will come due, and either your parents will find a way to cover it, or you won't be going there. This is when the back up options like community college or ROTC or a gap year would come into play.

Good luck, and keep us posted on how you are doing.

[thumper1]

>>you can apply to Emory for med school and wait til the admissions letters come, and if you are admitted, this might be the time when you absolutely have to face the question.>>

I'll take it a step further. By that time, you will also have your computer science degree (or close to it). Apply for jobs...and get one. Once you graduate, you'll have a job, and be self supporting. Your parents may not be happy with your decision not to attend med school (if you are accepted), but at least you won't be beholden to them for your financial support by then.

[huguenot]

OP -

Don't get wound up and mad at your parents without talking (calmly and maturely) about your desires and listen to theirs.

You have **got** to talk to them about your intended college major. It is not fair to them not to do this. You also need to ask them respectfully why they want you to go to Emory. Talk to them about the financial picture. Share data (how long it will take to pay it off at how much). Be an adult.

I think you'll have much better results.

[interesteddad]

Just so people are clear. Oxford was Emory's original campus. It's located in a small town about 20 miles outside the Atlanta beltway.

The founder of Coca Cola, Robert Woodruff, attended Emory at Oxford. In the early 1900s, he dropped a massive endowment on Emory (in the form of Coca Cola stock). Emory began to build their current showplace campus in Atlanta.

For whatever reason (probably terms of the original gift), Emory has had to keep operating the Oxford campus, even after moving everything else to Atlanta. So, they use it as a two-year feeder college to Emory. 700 students. Get the freshman and sophmore prereq courses out of the way. Then, automatically move to the main Emory campus for junior year and graduate from Emory.

Admissions standards are a bit lower. Diversity is a bit higher. It's the perfect way to grab a little broader spectrum of applicants and prepare them very well to thrive at Emory for junior and senior years. For the students, it's a great backdoor into one of the country's top (and most selective) universities.

[mathmom]

csprof, thanks for the apology. I agree with you that if the OP is dead set on Mercer there are ways to make it happen. I'm just not convinced it's his best option, but it is an option.