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My parents is forcing me to go to a college I don't want to attend!

Mika08Mika08 Posts: 638Registered User Member
edited April 2008 in Parents Forum
Hi, I'm a senior in high school and I'm pretty stressed out right now and I really need your advice. Here's the story: my parents want me to go to Oxford College of Emory (I was rejected from Emory ED but Oxford allows you to transfer to Emory after 2 years) since they've dreamed of me going into Emory and becoming a doctor since before I was even born!

I want to go to Mercer University and double major in Computer Science and Computational Science and possibly a minor in Ecomomics.

As you can tell, we definitely don't think alike. I told my parents when I was a sophomore that I didn't want to go into medicine. They gave me a look that translated to, "I dare you to say that again". After that, I never mentioned my future plans with them.

Here's where the stress starts. I was accepted to Mercer and Oxford College of Emory, amongst other schools. The only reason why I applied to Oxford was because my parents forced me too. However, I brushed the acceptence of Oxford aside since I have my entire heart set out for Mercer. I want to go there. I belong there. I don't see myself in any other college but Mercer.

HOWEVER, I found out today that my parents paid the non-refundable $375 deposit to Oxford today without me knowing!! It's final... they want me to go there, take the ridiculous amount of debt, and 'magically' pay for it when I become a doctor. IF I become a doctor.

I'm so mad. And I feel hopeless. It's either go there or move out of the house. It's 4 weeks until my graduation and my parents aren't even speaking to me. I actually cried when I found out they paid for the deposit behind my back. It's like they're choosing the college for me, not the other way around. Granted, my parents never went to college and they want the best for me but still... I'm the one who'll have to attend college, not them. I want to be happy, but they don't care. All they care about is recognition of a school and me becoming a doctor. I don't know what to do now.

How should I resolve this situation? Be a good little girl and pursue this road of medicine that I'm not even interested in? Or disagree with my parents and refuse to attend Oxford College of Emory while making plans to move out before summer starts, all so I can go to a college that I want? It's insane. I'm only 18. I don't even have a job. I really don't want to move out. But my parents are serious. It's their rules or I'm out the door.

God. What should I do??
Post edited by Mika08 on
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Replies to: My parents is forcing me to go to a college I don't want to attend!

  • paying3tuitionspaying3tuitions Posts: 13,328Super Moderator Senior Member
    Is there a school teacher, guidance counselor or even the principal who would make a meeting with you and your parents together, to hear each other's point of view?
  • Mika08Mika08 Posts: 638Registered User Member
    I'm sure I can arrange a meeting with a counselor. The problem is my parents. They're not going to take time out of their schedule to talk about something that they already decided on.

    When my parents say something, they mean it. Unfortunately, that's how it's already been and always will be. But I want to change that. The question is how.
  • debrycdebryc Posts: 189Registered User Junior Member
    Mika08, take a deep breathe. The deposit may be sent, but a school CANNOT physically force you to attend, nor will they go through the trouble of legally forcing you to attend. My instinct is that you'll find people who understand your situation from both Oxford College of Emory and from Mercer. Now I'll step aside and let CC's wise parents weigh in with their advice. But, for now, breathe.
  • curmudgeoncurmudgeon Posts: 12,101Registered User Senior Member
    Pick you battles. Pick your time. Now ain't the best time. They have (almost) all the cards. Settle in. Do your research. Then act. Don't act blindly.
  • panicpanic Posts: 966- Member
    That is harsh. I would say, get a job and move out.
  • interesteddadinteresteddad Posts: 23,258Registered User Senior Member
    I can't comment on the financial end of things. That's for you and your family to figure out.

    However, automatically transfering into Emory and getting your degree from Emory instead of Mercer is a pretty sweet arrangement. I certainly don't think the world is going to end for you if you do the Oxford to Emory deal.

    Knuckle down, study your butt off for two years at Oxford and make the most of two years at Emory.
  • siliconvalleymomsiliconvalleymom Posts: 3,649Registered User Senior Member
    What are your thoughts about your likely career path? Can you major in something that makes them happy and you happy at the same time and push off the discussion about your career for 3 and a half years?
  • KatieAppliesKatieApplies Posts: 62Registered User Junior Member
    I'm really sorry your parents are being this way. I don't know if you feel like "talking" about it, but I am kind of wondering why Mercer and not Oxford/Emory? (I don't mean this to challenge you--but I have heard of Emory and it doesn't sound awful, and I don't know anything about Mercer.)
  • Mika08Mika08 Posts: 638Registered User Member
    interesteddad, Emory is known for premed, political science, business, and psychology. Definitely not CS. Mercer is more accredited for their CS program than Emory and I really really like Mercer's CS program. It's the main reason why I want to go there. After talking to the professors and students there, I'm already attached to it. Sounds lame, but hey. It makes me happy. KatieApplies, I hope that answers your question as well.

    siliconvalleymom, eh...... I don't know. They want something science related so I can be more focus on the medical track but to be honest, what both of us agrees? Geez, I don't even know if a major like that exist...
  • siliconvalleymomsiliconvalleymom Posts: 3,649Registered User Senior Member
    I just checked the website for Oxford/Emory...they have one last Preview Day this Friday, April 25. Do you think you could go and try to like it?
    As a mom, I know this: your parents love you and they want you to be happy.
  • ucsd_ucla_daducsd_ucla_dad Posts: 8,573Registered User Senior Member
    p3t's advice is good.

    To answer your question - no, you shouldn't go to the college you don't want to go to or pursue a major you're not interested in. And, your parents can't 'force' you to go. They can refuse to pay for your college and they can kick you out of the house at 18 but they can't force you to go. To force you to go would be pointless anyway since your chances of succeeding are minimal due to your lack on interest in that field.

    The $375 deposit is inconsequential in the discussion you need to have with your parents and, as p3t suggested, ideally a knowledgeable third party so don't even think of the deposit as a factor. Your parents need to realize this is YOUR life. They need to realize that what's best for you, which is probably what they really want deep down as you say, is what YOU want to pursue since it sounds as if you have a very solid plan.

    You might also want to show your parents the thread here on CC about becoming a doctor and whether it's really worth it. It might not be quite the ultimate position they think it is but one thing is certain - it's not the career for anyone who doesn't want it. Show them data indicating the income levels for CS grads - it's very good.

    Your parents need to be educated on the realities of careers in this country, they need to understand there are great opportunities in many fields and most of all, they need to come to the point where they value your opinion and support you - especially since you have a very sound objective. But realize it'll ultimately work out in the end. You're actually the one in the power position here since you're the one who'll attend, with your parents' support or without. Work with them though, preferably with the support of an education or career professional.

    The option of attending Emory/Oxford and studying CS anyway (assuming they have this) might work as some of the previous posters indicated. You need an undergrad degree anyway. Once you have your CS degree you could always just go get a job instead of applying for med school.
  • Mika08Mika08 Posts: 638Registered User Member
    Thanks for the advice. I'm just too scared to actually go up to my parents and tell them I'm not interested in medicine. Telling them I don't want to go to Oxford, that I can do. Telling them the reason behind why I don't want to go there? That, I can't do. Who knows what they will do.
  • interesteddadinteresteddad Posts: 23,258Registered User Senior Member
    Emory is known for premed, political science, business, and psychology. Definitely not CS.

    I'm very familiar with Emory. I lived in Atlanta for many years. My daughter strongly considered Emory. It has one of the largest endowments of any school in the country (thanks to Robert Woodruff's Coca-Cola stock). To be perfectly honest, I doubt that Mercer can hold a candle to Emory in ANY department. I guarantee you won't run out of Computer Science courses to take for final two years at Emory, if that's what you want to do. Heck, take graduate courses in Computer Science. Emory offers a PhD program:

    Math/CS

    You can do either a BA or BS major in Computer Science starting at Oxford and finishing at Emory. It's detailed at the Oxford website.

    Like I say, the Oxford to Emory deal is pretty attractive.
  • paying3tuitionspaying3tuitions Posts: 13,328Super Moderator Senior Member
    You sound open to speaking with your GC, so at least do that much, tomorrow.

    Perhaps your school guidance counselor can set up a phone conference call, where you sit in her office and she calls the parents at their workplace during their lunchtime. C'mon they have to have THAT much time to talk about something this important. She might just say she "needs to talk with them" about you and not identify the subject matter of the conversation until you're all on the phone together. How can they say no to that request?
  • nngmmnngmm Posts: 5,708Registered User Senior Member
    I'd say go to the school your parents are willing to pay for, but study the subjects you want to study.

    Becoming a doctor can't be a "default solution". It takes years (at least 12 years to be exact) before you have any kind of income to speak of, and you'll start out hundreds of dollars in debt. With CS degree you can start working straight out of college.
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