I got caught cheating. What should I do?

[In denial...]

I'm a regular poster in CC, but I created a new account to protect my identity.

I'm a high achieving junior in high school. Today, I got caught cheating. Not only did I get caught, I got caught by a teacher who've I've known since freshmen year and thinks highly regarded of me and trusts me a lot.

To keep it short, I was left alone in her classroom and she left her computer assessable to me with the grading program open. Because of utter stupidity, I decided to change my grade. When she came back, she immediately realized that someone has changed my grades. She asked me if I did it (since I was the only one in the room at that time). I lied and said I don't know what she's talking about. I left the room as fast as I can. She called my parents and my parents are in shock. Nothing like this has ever happened to me.

I admit what I've done was stupid. I fully admit I should deserve any punishment that she chooses to give to me.

Tomorrow I will be forced to see her. What should I do?

Thank you for your help.

[collegemom16]

Openly admit what you did, apologize sincerely and accept the consequences.

[MomofWildChild]

All you can really do is ask for mercy. If this goes on your record, which it probably will, it will be very damaging for your college applications. It really depends on how the school handles it. You messed up and I know how bad you feel right now. You need to see what the teacher is going to do. Maybe you just flunk the course and nothing goes in your record????

[In denial...]

My number one priority is that this won't go in my record. That is the absolute worst thing that can happen to me. If my teacher reports this to the vice principal, I will most likely me suspended. Although I have yet to talk to her. How should I approach her tomorrow?

[Northstarmom]

Collegemom's words are worth a repeat: "Openly admit what you did, apologize sincerely and accept the consequences."

[M's Mom]

It's not as if you have any choice here...You need to tell her you did it, that it was unbelievably stupid and that you can't figure out what possessed you and you are totally mortified. If you are lucky, she will show some mercy...but that is a possibility only if you come totally clean.

The real damage here is the loss of your parents trust and respect for you. You will have to earn that back.

[soozievt]

I agree with the others on the thread. First, your name "In denial...."......gotta get out of that mode......NO denial....it's real, it happened, take ownership for your actions.

As an adult, I would go more lenient on a teenager if he/she fully admitted and DID NOT DENY what he/she had done and then apologized fully and sincerely and then stated that he/she realized that there are consequences for such actions and realize the loss of trust that will ensue.....showed understanding of why this was a major misjudgment....and THEN on top of all those things, offered to make amends and ask how he/she could make things better and earn back the trust and ask for a chance to demonstrate that and acknowledge that it will take a while. Show remorse. Own up to your error in judgment and what it caused for others. While there will be consequences, I feel that many adults might feel like I do that the consequences might be lesser for someone who comes in with the attitudes and statements I just described than someone who either does not own up to it or makes light of it and begs for leniency. Your attitude and approach here may make a difference as to how it is dealth with.

[M's Mom]

I realized after the fact that I should have put some context around this: You are a teenager, which means your judgement isn't fully mature yet, and you will sometimes do dumb things that you regret later. Teachers know this. You are not the only kid in your school who has ever been caught cheating. There are many who are quite practiced at it, justify it to themselves and others, and get away with it. Teachers know this too. If you come clean, you deserve a second chance-hopefully you will get it.

Just learn the lessons: Cheating isn't worth it. You are better than that as a person. You care more about your integrity than your grades. And when you find out that some other poor dumb kid made the same mistake, give them another chance. Forgiving yourself gives you the capacity to forgive others.

[oldfort]

Your number one priority is to come to term with what an awful thing you did, not with "this won't go in my record." It doesn't seem like you regret what you did, but more conern about your record. Your teacher will see through it when you speak with her tomorrow, which will upset her even more. The worst mistake you could make tomorrow is to ask her not to put it on your record.

Many teachers are very disappointed when their star students cheat because it violates their trust and many of them do take it personally. My daughter's chemistry teacher was so upset with a student for stealing a test and the whole class for not reporting it, he refused to write recommendation letters for anyone in the class. He felt for all of his effort the class should have enough respect for him to do the work and not take the easy way out. I have a feeling that's how your teacher is feeling. The last thing you should worry about is your record. You should be more concerned about losing your teacher's trust.

[soozievt]

You should fully explain to the teacher that you KNOW why it was wrong and damaging. Don't make light of it as a stupid mistake. Explain why this SHOULD be a concern and you know it is one and how it affects trust and fairness too.

At some point.....maybe not tomorrow......you need to look into WHY you did this in the first place. Yes, you are young and young people make errors in judgement, but something drove you to do it. Are you seeking highly selective colleges? Think about if schools like Harvard will care more about the fact that someone has a few Bs or that someone has integrity. You can imagine which will be more important. Hopefully you will learn from this for the future.

[corranged]

I agree with Collegemom. Apologize, apologize, apologize. Be sincere. Explain that you know you were wrong; you are sorry for your lack of integrity and disappointed in yourself; you are sorry that you let her--one of your favorite teachers--down; it was a stupid, spur of the moment action (but you do realize how serious of an offense it is); you will never do anything like that again; you regret your actions not only because of the possible consequences (damaged relationship with teacher, possible suspension, etc.) and because you feel personally ashamed; etc. You can write her a letter as well as apologize in person. This also helps if your principle does want to suspend you; a prompt, personal, honest apology on paper is a great thing to have on your side. Whatever you do, do not argue with the charges, do not argue with suspension (further, recognize that you deserve the punishment), do not make up excuses.


x-posted with Soozievt. I also agree with her that you should think about why you changed your grade. Even though it was a stupid, thoughtless mistake, it's not an action that even should have been in your thought process. Talk it over with your parents and/or guidance counselor if that would help you.

[1of42]

Let's put it this way: the absolutely best - and probably only effective - thing you can do for yourself at this moment in time is admit what you did, openly and without qualification, and apologize, openly and without qualification.

My best friend cheated on an exam in our junior year. He was suspected of cheating immediately after the exam. He was approached by one of our vice principals, who half asked/half accused him of cheating. What did he do?

Admitted it. Immediately. The result? Significantly more lenient treatment - he got a 0 on the exam, got academic probation until the end of first semester senior year, but nothing on his permanent record. By comparison, another student in our year who cheated on another exam in a similar fashion, and then lied about it, was expelled.

Unfortunately, you have probably lost yourself the opportunity to get the most lenient treatment by denying what you did and running. So now, your options are less attractive, but what you must do is even clearer. I think you know what it is as well as we do. Do yourself a service, and go do it.

[In denial...]

Thank you for everyone's response. I will definitely apologize to my teacher. Hopefully I learned something today.

[cptofthehouse]

You are getting some good advice here. Kids, and yes, you are still a kid, sometimes impulsively do foolish things. You acted on an impulse that was fueled by years of hard work to reach a goal., that of a high grade.

Many of us have thoughts of doing things that are wrong, taking shortcuts, cheating, stealing when we so want something. Now you know how easy it is to cross that line when an opportunity presents itself.

My son got into all kinds of trouble in highschool His transgressions were serious. He reported them all on his applications. He was still accepted to his more selective colleges. Only one school contacted the counselor for additional information, and since she was provided a copy of his explanations that the colleges had, she was able to support him. One thing that he wrote that was compelling was how he now understood what motivates some people to do the wrong thing, how easily you can cross the line. Because he is the type of person who does have to curb his impulses, he knows some of the whys and hows. He did not come to these conclusions easily, either. As an alcoholic has to understand that he cannot drink as his peers can, he had to come to the realization that he can't act as spontaneously as many do and as he likes to do, since he does not seem to have the natural aversion and fears of breaking the rules or getting caught. He plain out doesn't think before he acts, something that has gotten him in trouble and will get him into deeper trouble if he does not understand this and work to rein it in. If you have access to counseling, you might want to discuss your own feelings, morals and conflicts so that you get a deeper understanding of them and learn to deal with them. This is something you might want to tell the teacher as well. If you don't want to be that sort of person who cheats and is not trustworthy, you may have to work at it.

[soozievt]

When I was mentioning earlier that you need to include an acknowledgement of understanding why this was wrong ....such as it destroys trust which takes time to rebuild and also that it is unfair to others who aren't cheating.....it is important to demonstrate that you know how this affects others and why it is wrong and not come across as it was a dumb mistake and is now going to hurt my record for college as being the reason it was wrong.

I like the idea of expressing all of these thoughts mentioned here on the thread, in a letter, as well as verbally in the meeting. This letter is a chance to be very clear and contrite and also may go in your record or may be shared by the teacher with the administrator.