Some Colleges Allow Co-ed Dorm Rooms

[Hunt]

I haven't heard of GUG, actually, and Urban Dictionary didn't enlighten me in this case, unless you mean that there are gay kids in single sex environment.

I don't think any college environment is candy-free, of course. I just think that over-indulging is more likely if you actually sleep in the candy store.

[garland]

The phrasology is cute, Hunt, but there really are often times when students are not looking at each other as candy. Sometimes I think some of them are more mature than some adults. I mean, don't you know lots of people of the opposite sex that you really wouldn't be drawn into "indulging" with even if given the chance? This idea that younger folks are mindless sex addicts is so common, and so disheartening. As if they can't be expected to have discernment. I have had a different experience with my kids and their friends.

[Hunt]

"I mean, don't you know lots of people of the opposite sex that you really wouldn't be drawn into "indulging" with even if given the chance?"

Ummm....yes, why yes, of course. But if you had asked the 18-year-old me this question, an honest answer would have been....

[emeraldkity4]

But if you had asked the 18-year-old me this question, an honest answer would have been....


Then I think you are projecting your memories onto others.
Yes you will find threads from students/parents concerned about sexual activity on campus.
And you will read responses from parents/students who had many interests that took precedence over getting involved while in school.
My girls both decided not to date while in high school other than group dating, they had too many other things to do. They both know that sexual activity takes a relationship to another level oftentimes, and that would interfere with other priorities.

However, if all you need to indulge is availability, not knowledge of quality, tastiness, and nutrition, then I would agree, don't work in a candy store.

[garland]

Well said, EK.

Like I said, Hunt, I actually think many young adults have more sense and discernment than many older adults I know. Some don't, but they're not mine or my kids' friends, so I can't comment on them.

[Hunt]

Good luck!

[Weskid]

Here’s the thing: Hunt is right, occasionally students probably do go into these arrangements thinking it will be platonic, and then end up hooking up. It must happen sometimes. But not that often, at least in my experience. Sometimes people will go into it KNOWING they are going to hook up (I know a couple living together at Wes, despite the university not encouraging it), but that’s a different story. All of the people I’ve known living in a co-ed room/two room double* (including the two in the article, actually) have remained platonic if they meant to. Same with the people who went into apartment and house living situations intending to stay platonic (there you do have more people intending not to).

I mean, when trying to figure out where to live for sophomore year, at one point I actually encouraged my boyfriend to consider a two-room double with a different girl (who is close friends with both of us) — although our housing ended up completely different for unrelated reasons, I still think that would have ended up being a good living situation for everyone involved if it had happened. I think you underestimate the ability of undergrads to control themselves — for example, although people do break the “no hallcest” rule, LOTS of people stick to it because they know the problems that come with it. If people can do that, I’m pretty sure they can avoid roomcest...and if they think they can't, they are normally smart enough not to room with someone of the opposite gender.

* At Wesleyan, at least, it is actually a lot more common for people of the opposite sex to share a two room double than a true single, a fact the article overlooks, because except for in program houses sophomores and up rarely get stuck in one room singles anyway. But still, there is a lot of sharing going on in a two room double.

[garland]

Thanks, Hunt!!!!, at 25 and 22, they've never given me any reason not to be impressed with their maturity as regards the opposite sex (many other areas, yes, but not there.)

[alwaysamom]

I thought I had already replied to this thread, then realized that it was on yet another thread that was already started on this subject.

Some Colleges Allow Co-ed Dorm Rooms

[Hunt]

"If people can do that, I’m pretty sure they can avoid roomcest...and if they think they can't, they are normally smart enough not to room with someone of the opposite gender."

I don't know about this, but perhaps you're right. Maybe fluoridation has sapped our youth's vital bodily essences since I was in college.

[justbreathe]

Because I saw it up there, I'll enlighten the parents. GUG is "Gay Until Graduation" and LUG is "Lesbian Until Graduation"


I'm at one of the schools that now has the co-ed option. Individuals in general are really really cautious about choosing that option for the concerns that have been listed----the ones who actually do it are the ones that are pretty sure it won't be a problem, either because one individual is in fact gay or there really is truly no spark. Come on, there are truly platonic friendships out there. I definetly have male friends that I would never be interested in hooking up with; the thought repulses me, thus rooming with them would be fine. Most people aren't silly enough to room with someone they're interested in.

[emeraldkity4]

like I have mentioned, my older D shared a townhouse with a male roommate, senior year- they still live in the same city, and are good friends, but never dated.
Since graduation ( two years ago) she has lived with a male roommate and a female roommate, although D is gay, she had a " non sexual"- romantic relationship with her male roommate, and I advised her to move when they " broke up", but they apparently worked it out and next month are moving into a nicer larger house in same city ( same male roommate, different female roommate- three bedrooms + a fenced yard)

I lived with two men after high school,( just a couple years older than me) I had already been dating one of them, & we shared a bedroom, but to my relief, I was not put on domestic duty cause that is just not in my resume.
My boyfriend was a chef, so he did the bulk of the cooking and our roommates girlfriend ( not live in) cleaned the house ( for pay)
We parted amicably and actually still dated after I moved out because of a change in where I was working.

I prefer men over women to live with . Perhaps it is because I need a lot of psychic space and don't want someone who is more social to be irritated because I don't like small talk.
WHich also could be said for my D's although older D is the most chatty of our family.

I dont think floridation has anything to do with it, but for myself, I was asked from the time I was in kindergarten " do I have a boyfriend, who do I like, who is my boyfriend?" by relatives and neighbors. Much more focus on pairing up. I didn't go to senior prom for instance because I didn't want to go with anyone who had asked me, and I would have never considered asking someone myself ( or going with a group).
By contrast, that has changed.
My oldest went with a friend who is male, but who had taken a year off for health reasons and so was in the next younger class. It was nice because these kids had gone to school together since 6th grade and for her, and her friend, they also had attended elementary school together. ( but again- she is gay- so not a "date")
My younger daughter is going to senior prom but with a group of girlfriends, which I encouraged rather, because it seemed a fun thing to do.
My classmates would have never attended a dance with a same sex friend or friends, because to us that would have been like an announcement that we couldn't get a date, not that we didn't want one.
Times have changed.

[Hunt]

"I definetly have male friends that I would never be interested in hooking up with; the thought repulses me, thus rooming with them would be fine."

Yes, but what do they think about you? Again, maybe I'm a relic of an era when we ate more red meat or something, but I think that boys may have a different attitude to this than girls do.

[corranged]

Hunt, what do you think of the common dorm situation of a gay man rooming with a straight man or a lesbian rooming with a straight woman?

[garland]

Maybe, but unless these guys are violent thugs, they don't get much choice.

And anyway, it's not like your average red-meat eating guy can't find someone else, not in his room, to help him with his "attitude".