Some Colleges Allow Co-ed Dorm Rooms

[Weskid]

The coed bathrooms were a matter of necessity because of the expense of building more such facilities when you have a coed dorm.

I don't think this is true, or at least it is not how it has been explained to me. I mean, on all of the halls at Wes there are at least two bathrooms--no reason to have them be co-ed for practical purposes. As I understand it from the history of Wes, queer activists pushed for co-ed bathrooms...it is certianly the reason there existance is explained, at Wes and other schools I visited. And I KNOW that the co-ed room movement has been pushed by the queer community, at least here.

[cptofthehouse]

Maybe at Wes. In the old dorms of my alma mater, there was only one bathroom per floor. So unless you want to go down a flight of stairs and down a hallway just to use a bathroom, they had to go coed with the bathrooms. THe bathrooms are also very open with shower stalls and toilet stalls and open sinks. I just prefer my privacy among women in a bathroom. I don't like sharing with my own family members. The co-ed room movement, I can see how that is a gay student mission.

[jsmall]

So what if people are more confortable sharing a room with the opposite sex? They don't matter? Im sure there are many girls that would prefer to live with a guy over a girl and same goes for the other way around.

[cptofthehouse]

So what? I've been discussing the what. I am very sure that there are many who prefer to live with the opposite sex. That's the way it is in the world,Have you not noticed? You don't see too many adults sharing a room with some one of the same sex, do you? But then there is nearly always some intimate relationship involved.

[SilverClover]

My freshman year roommate was lesbian. I'm bicurious. By that logic OBVIOUSLY there should have been some sexual tension, right?

Or how about my gay friends who had 2 roommates in a triple. With such tight quarters, he MUST have had a crush on one of them, right?

I mean really... give me a break. I have many male friends- gay and straight- who I know I could easily live with platonically. I won't even date people who go to my school for fear of breakup issues- much less people in my own room!

[mini]

There are platonists in every crowd. (most of the college students I know prefer Aristotle. )

[emeraldkity4]

I think you can use the phrase bi-curious, but lesbian is rapidly becoming - un-pc

BBC NEWS | Europe | Lesbos islanders dispute gay name

[corranged]

Someone emailed me that article recently, EK4, and I got a kick out of it.

[historymom]

cpt at least at Willamette the creation of coed rooming situations was in direct response to the GLBT student community's request for exactly what you would have liked: housing in which you were more comfortable.

[cptofthehouse]

That's fine with me. I don't really care what the sexual persuasion of anyone is and what things they initiate. Heck, I don't care if I have a gay roommate. My son had one, and it was not a big problem for him. What problems occurred came from some other kids who were straight and had some issues.

My problem is when you have two sexually charged individuals that are sharing the room. You are talking about years of nature working. I would not want to share the room with a gay woman if I were gay, so it's not about just being the opposite sex here. There is too much of a power keg that exists and you are putting your head in the sand if you are denying the situation exists. Sure, it happens anyways, but you are increasing the odds by an awful lot. Also you are permitting cohabitation in dorm rooms which in itself is a problem as I pointed out. Kids don't always have good break ups, and when there is sex involved things can really escalate. This just opens doors that can really complicate issues. If I were at a university, I just would not want to increase these risks. If two members of the opposite sex what to share a room, let them get one off campus. There are enough roommate headaches already, with opening a door that lets in a flood of more.

[TimeCruncher]

I ran this thread topic past my daughter, who will be entering college this fall. She and I agree that coed rooms are a good thing, as long as the arrangement remains voluntary.

My daughter and I see coed rooms as the next logical step in “normalizing” an abnormal living situation. After all, college students who have grown up with just other-gender siblings are likely to find it abnormal to share a dorm room with someone of the same gender. Students who are Onlies (my daughter and I belong to this group), and who have a natural need for abundant solitude and privacy, are likely to find it abnormal to share a dorm room with anybody, regardless of gender. (Where else but college, the military, a nursing home, or prison are adults forced to live with and among strangers on a long-term basis?)

When I was an undergrad between 1971-75, coed dorms were practically unheard of. However, my gender-segregated freshman/sophomore and junior/senior dorms had open visitation, so I was as likely to encounter my same-gender dormmates as their (either gender) guests in the hallways and bathrooms at any time of the day or night. Guests were rarely a problem. During my senior year, the top two floors of my dorm went coed on an experimental, voluntary basis; I saw no change in my dorm floor’s social dynamic, aside from a greater number of residents developing casual-to-close male/female platonic friendships. I found coed dorm life to be more “normal” than gender-segregated dorm life, but as an Only, I always disliked dorm life. I expect that my Only daughter will dislike dorm life as well, so I am in favor any accommodation (such as coed rooms) which might make such an abnormal living situation more “normal” for her.

When my daughter enters college for the first time this fall, she will be in the same situation as KrazyKow (Post#5)--a female in a male-dominated major. My daughter has always had more (and closer) male friends than female friends, because she and her male friends have always had more shared academic and personal interests, and a more compatible approach to life. Also, my daughter prefers her friendships to be egalitarian, easy-going, and drama-free, so her male friends have always been good for her, and she has been a good female friend for them.

At college, my daughter will be living in a coed dorm which offers only same-gender rooms. She has told me that if her dorm should offer coed rooms at a future time, she would prefer having a male roommate, and--knowing that my daughter has always chosen good, nice guys as friends--I’d prefer that she have a male roommate, too. I’d rather my daughter have a male roommate she genuinely likes than a female roommate she merely tolerates.

[Hunt]

"I mean really... give me a break. I have many male friends- gay and straight- who I know I could easily live with platonically."

I continue to think that it's no coincidence that it tends to be women who say this. I am not yet convinced of the existence of the straight male platonic friend (I mean, from the male's private point of view).

[t1388]

I continue to think that it's no coincidence that it tends to be women who say this. I am not yet convinced of the existence of the straight male platonic friend (I mean, from the male's private point of view).

That is funny. I am afraid that I have to agree with it. At my age, I have seen it and done it. A platonic relationship is probable my only option. If I were 18, I could not confidentially say that I would not have more than platonic thought.

[emeraldkity4]

I continue to think that it's no coincidence that it tends to be women who say this. I am not yet convinced of the existence of the straight male platonic friend (I mean, from the male's private point of view).

Perhaps that is because I have noticed that women are more likely to think in shades of grey and men are either/or.
I normally hate making blanket statements but physically female brains have more connections between the halves so perhaps this is the reason?

Speaking for myself, I have had very good male friends, some I was vaguely attracted to, but since they were friends and I didn't want to lose them as a friend, I didn't think about dating them, until one of them, who I had thought about marrying in some very distant future, got married.
I had been happy as we were. oops.

I preferred dating people on the outskirts of my social circle so that when I stopped dating them, I didn't have to deal with it every day.
If I had been dating in college, I probably would have stuck to those outside the college or at least the dorm, but that isn't hard to do.
I don't want to have an ex- that I am going to have to let in to the building after his 3am date.
Living with someone doesn't really make them more attractive,( rather the opposite) but it does allow you to get to know them a little better.

I wonder if I am really unusual in that I preferred superficial dating for a while. I didn't want to delve into my boyfriends emotional goo. I wanted to have someone to go dancing with, that could teach me to work on my car and that would make my girlfriends envious.
I even dated a republican for a while
Cause he was funny & fun and gorgeous.
and he liked to dance.
But if I had lived in the same dorm and shared a bathroom with him- I doubt if I would have gone out with him once, because knowing that he read Soldier of Fortune magazine, would have put him out of the running immediately.
Still I think it would have been worthwhile to get to know him, and college life, including shared dorms can facilitate that.

I'd agree that young men have a harder time thinking of women primarily as friends and not sexual partners- then again I have heard that men have a hard time not seeing sexual imagery in everyday objects at that age.

My daughter lived in dorms for three years that were co-ed and had shared bathrooms. However- since each floor had two bathrooms, they had option to have the bathrooms designated by sex- they chose to leave them open to who ever wanted to use them, but if even one person had disagreed, they would have been single sex.

There are still womens' floors in most schools I have heard of , and while I can understand the point of view against co-ed dorms ( not rooms I think that is another thing altogether), I also think that men can learn to check their impulses and behave appropriately- isn't that part of growing up?

[Hunt]

"I'd agree that young men have a harder time thinking of women primarily as friends and not sexual partners- then again I have heard that men have a hard time not seeing sexual imagery in everyday objects at that age."

Bingo. And you can omit "at that age."