very sad mom - Page 4

sadmom · 05-03-2008, 03:01 PM

H and I agree to saving scholarship money for grad school, study away, etc. already. Thanks.

DespSeekPhd · 05-05-2008, 01:04 AM

What kind of "grad school"?

Law school or med school, yes, you'll need money saved. Grad school to get a PhD, not so much. Most PhD students are funded by their programs - tuition and a stipend. Just FYI.

Northstarmom · 05-05-2008, 01:12 AM

"Most PhD students are funded by their programs - tuition and a stipend. Just FYI."

That seems to be true for the sciences, but I don't think it's true for most other disciplines. Most of the students in my psychology doctoral program were paying for it themselves.

Puddly · 05-05-2008, 01:31 AM

As a non-parent, he is right to be upset. After all his hard work, why would you cater to the sister, who has weaker stats and accepted on a PROBATION status? It makes no logical sense for a 17/18 year-old. And it makes it seem like his successes will have little or no impact in his choices.

Seriously, why pick the daughter over the son? It's extremely unfair.

ABCB7099 · 05-05-2008, 02:28 AM

I'm sorry Puddly, but it's obvious you didn't read the thread. You would not have posted that if you had.

DespSeekPhd · 05-05-2008, 09:46 AM

NSM - It depends on the humanities. The sciences are better funded, but there are also more positions for people with a grad degree in the sciences. There are more unfunded spots in the humanities, but there are also fewer jobs. The better programs tend to fund their students, and (sadly) program reputation plays a part in the hiring of PhDs. So the conventional wisdom is that if you don't get a funded spot at a decent program, don't bother.

Of course, there are exceptions, by person as well as program, and your program may well have been one. Also, the job market for humanities PhDs has been tightening pretty relentlessly. But I'd say this holds true at least 80% of the time. The people that were unfunded grad students tend to be the people that didn't get jobs.

LilyMoon · 05-05-2008, 02:00 PM

I didn't read all the posts, but I say the past is the past...where to go from here?

It makes sense to me to have your son transfer to University of Washington. Save the money for grad school. UW is a great school with a great reputation. It's a school where anyone can find their niche. It was actually my son's dream school but he didn't get in.

and we are from the east coast.

Good luck to you all!

mam1959 · 05-05-2008, 02:46 PM

I know this sounds insensitive, but I would go to UW. It saves money, and whether it is yours or his, all of you would be a lot better off with the kind of value UW represents. It is clearly by any means an excellent school.

From own experience as the offspring of an unemployed single mother and an absent and disinterested father, I can tell you what distressed me as a kid. It wasn't so much that my father was not interested in helping out (clearly could have afforded to do so), but rather that he wasn't honest and direct about his unwillingness to do so, and my coming to that conclusion way too late fractured the relationship for many years.

Heck, no matter what the decision is for you here - I would be brutally honest. Yes, the the precedent set with your daughter isn't helpful - your son obviously has expectations of the same - but look at the dollars and cents at the value here - and a UW decision is a principled decision - even if he is not thrilled with it. But above all, gain a consensus with your husband and be honest and direct. Kids get that.

anotherNJmom · 05-05-2008, 06:07 PM

Quote:

#45
sadmom

Posts: 15 We will save the scholarship money for him for grad school that he is saving. Also, we can afford to do such things as study away, etc that we would not at pepperdine. He will get 120K in the end and maybe a little more.

If his intended majore is sience academic, you don't need to worry about the fund of graduate school. The graduate degree of science are all well funded. Usually there are many TAs, RAs available for graduate students.

JustAMomOf4 · 05-05-2008, 07:02 PM

You say you will sacrifice for one school but not the school he wants to attend? Sounds like game playing to me.
If you will be willing to spend the same amount of money elsewhere - (midwestern LAC) - I don't think that is fair. I think you have to let him choose.
For instance - say you get X dollars and you can spend it where you want. This gives him control.
I sounds more like you won't pay for Pepperdine than you can't pay for Pepperdine.
I thought Pepperdine was a great school - what do I know I am from PA.

Shrinkrap · 05-05-2008, 08:55 PM

"I sounds more like you won't pay for Pepperdine than you can't pay for Pepperdine."
I don't feel great about it but we felt the same way at our house. I won't say it felt like game playing though. It felt like a 200 thousand dollar investment that wasn't as good as another 200 thousand dollar investment, based on the impression of the folks who happen to have earned the 200 thousand dollars to invest. An investment track record if you will. We had made it clear we were not going to pay above a certain price, but whne the "reach" became a reality, we were willing to try to make it work. It was easier for us because our D seemed to feel the same way and we never had to defend it....

mdcissp · 05-05-2008, 09:24 PM

You did not mention what your son wants to study and the quality of the program as a match to your son's interests. Did your son pick the school which has the best program for what he wants to study? Also, I suggest, if it makes you feel better, that you, your husband and your son look at this as a trial freshman year and he can always apply to transfer if he is not happy with the particular college chosen. This might also open up some other colleges which were not considered in the first place. Also, is your daughter's placement now worth the money or can she transfer to a less expensive school?

Karen Colleges · 05-07-2008, 12:46 PM

I could see paying a lot of money for some of the other LAC's or if Pepperdine is the ONLY place that has the major your S wants to take. But, I wasn't all that impressed with the place and wonder if the high tuition will be money well spent (not that my opinion means anything).

Sorry you have to deal with this, hope all is working out okay for your S and the rest of the family.

Puddly · 05-11-2008, 02:09 PM

Quote:

I'm sorry Puddly, but it's obvious you didn't read the thread. You would not have posted that if you had./

Oh please. I did read the thread. The family should have taken out the loans necessary for the son's education. There is just no excuse about it. He's worked hard, and now that he's gotten into his #1 school, he can't even go? He has the right to be angry, and the family better make every effort to support him in college.

citrusbelt · 05-11-2008, 02:31 PM

Nobody should ask a parent to take out PLUS loans and I, for one, would never agree to do that. Parents are already paying as much as they possibly can even if the school meets the fafsa and profile amounts. Those numbers are geared to stretch a family to just before the breaking point. Loans are not financial aid, they are loans with interest. No matter what you may feel about it, it is the parents money. There are thousands of students who's parents won't help at all and want the student to work their way through school.

The OP has done nothing wrong except set a precedent of paying full price to a mediocre student and then not pay full price for the good student. That is where the problem was laid. The fact that Pepperdine is so much more expensive is the issue. It does seem sad that he will be attending the same school as his sister, though, and near to home. It seems a hardworking kid deserved more then that, but life isn't fair. They should perhaps reward him by buying him a car. Maybe that would even out the glaring discrepancies between the siblings?

I am wondering: Is the sister taking her opportunity to buckle down and do well at the school? If she isn't, I would consider having her transfer to a less expensive school.