Anxiety Is Beginning To Set In!

marnik · 05-04-2008, 08:38 PM

As I begin reviewing "Parents' Orientation" schedules and "Student Orientation" schedules, the reality that my only daughter will be moving 2.5-3 hours away has me in the beginnings of a panic state. I do not let on to her, but gosh, this is way more difficult than I could have imagined. All the worries about getting in to college are now worries about how will she "do" college (probably very well without me nagging). I am so proud of her, and I know she will be fine. I think the worries are about how I will do.

Northstarmom · 05-04-2008, 08:45 PM

Before my last kid at home left for college, I found it very helpful to get a couple of pets so that I would not have to come home to an empty house.The pets I got are rabbits. They are quiet and cute, and stand on their hind legs to welcome me home (because they know I'll give them treats).

bicoastalmom · 05-04-2008, 08:52 PM

Marnik, is she your only child?

zoosermom · 05-04-2008, 09:05 PM

I was absolutely panicked before D1 left. We had had two deaths in the immediate family right before and in my mind I had connected all of those things. The thing I learned is that it really is ok. Particularly with girls who communicate anyway. I told my daughter that I was afraid of how much I would miss her and that she might not want to keep in touch when she didn't need me in the day-to-day manner. She told me some things that I will cherish always and she then proceeded to include me in her new life on a regular basis. She's brought home a couple of friends, texts silly things often and calls regularly to share her life. It's even better to have a relationship with this competent, interesting, grown-up woman than it was to parent her high school-self. I see nothing wrong with being honest with someone I love dearly.

DonnaL · 05-04-2008, 10:05 PM

Quote:

As I begin reviewing "Parents' Orientation" schedules and "Student Orientation" schedules, the reality that my only daughter will be moving 2.5-3 hours away has me in the beginnings of a panic state. I do not let on to her, but gosh, this is way more difficult than I could have imagined. All the worries about getting in to college are now worries about how will she "do" college (probably very well without me nagging). I am so proud of her, and I know she will be fine. I think the worries are about how I will do.

I know how you feel, because I feel pretty much the same way. I'm already starting to miss my son. (He'll be in Chicago, more than two hours away from home.) He's an only child, and I'm divorced (my ex and I split up 8 years ago), so he's been essentially the sole focus of my life -- not counting my job! -- for a long time now. He was always a shy child and only began spending a lot of time with friends in the last year or so (something I've been overjoyed to see), so we've always been together a lot, especially on weekends, and he's the sort of kid who tells me just about everything about school and friends. Plus, we happen to share a lot of interests (history, literature), so we always have a lot to talk about. I look forward to being his friend, as well as his parent, for the rest of my life.

So, although I know he'll stay in touch, and as proud and excited as I am for him, things obviously aren't going to be the same. And I don't know how I'm going to manage. I have a cat whom I love and who loves me, but he's not as good a conversationalist as my son! I don't spend a lot of time with friends myself -- I have some pretty serious chronic health issues, and I often work long hours (I'm a lawyer), so I haven't had a lot of energy to seek out friends, or do things outside work other than be a parent. It occurred to me recently that I haven't had more than a very occasional weekend free, with no responsibilities, since 1986, before I got married, so I'm afraid I'm going to be at something of a loss!

Donna

HisGraceFillsMe · 05-04-2008, 10:13 PM

My parents have been going through a very emotional time the last few years...especially since I started driving myself to and from school this year. My older brother (the oldest in our family) is 11.5 years older than me, so my parents began reminiscing about how they've been having to drive kids to school for 20 some-odd years and now they don't have to anymore!

I'm the youngest of three, so my upcoming graduation will be a pretty emotional event. Heck, just getting my announcements on Friday was emotional for my mom!

I'm also the first in any of my family (that I can think of) to actually go away to college. My sister is at a local CC, and my brother never went to college.

Reading all of your posts has reminded me of how much my parents will miss me (I'll miss them a lot, too!). My sister hasn't officially moved out yet, but she's never home, so I've felt like the only kid in the house for a while. It'll definitely be different for my parents come August when I leave (I'll be about an 8 hour drive away) and there are virtually no kids in the house (except for the rare occasion when my sister comes home)...for the first time in about 29 years! Luckily, my parents have two birds and two Labrador Retrievers to keep them company (not to mention each other...my parents both work from home...and a very supportive group of friends).

Take solace in the fact that your kids are probably freaking out too.

I know I'm getting more and more nervous as June 12th (date of my graduation) approaches.

Karen Colleges · 05-04-2008, 10:16 PM

I think everyone is a nervous wreck about sending a kid away from home. Did we prep them well enough to be on their own, what if they get sick, what if his roommate is a nightmare?.... I was the worst at letting go a year ago.

One year later, I am thrilled by how happy S is at college. Yes, I miss him, but I'm delighted in his success.

There are a lot of threads along the 'empty nest' lines. They have good advice.

Oh, when D heads out in two years, I'm thinking of getting a master's. That will keep me out of trouble, I hope.

wis75 · 05-04-2008, 10:41 PM

Consider this- 2-3 hours is close enough to drive back and forth but far enough to not bother routinely, you can be there if needed (and do the transportation to/from campus plenty of times) but you won't be tempted to drop in. You will enjoy the perks of having a college student instead of a HS one. Yes, you will miss them, but they do come back.

DonnaL · 05-04-2008, 10:59 PM

Unfortunately, my son will be more than two hours away by plane. (Although I'm contemplating going to Parent's Weekend, which is only about a month after school starts at the U of Chicago in late September.)

I just read all 11 pages of the "Any advice for rising empty nesters?" thread. There's certainly some wonderful advice there, but, in general, how depressing!

mom0809 · 05-04-2008, 11:58 PM

One going off to college and one going off to boarding school on the same day!!!

momof2inca · 05-05-2008, 12:03 AM

My D will be leaving in September, too, and will be 3 hours away by plane. S is already gone, one hour away by plane. We have too many pets already. I have a new job lined up for August so that I have a focus for my creative energies (and anxiety)! I'm hoping that it will keep me too busy to be overly sad.

WorkingMom2005 · 06-21-2008, 08:13 PM

I actually bought several books on the subject in anticipation of both of my daughters moving away in August. So far, I am not finding anything comforting in them.
I just wouldn't know what to do with myself (after work). I have a husband, several hobbies and friends, but it's not clear how to get rid of the sadness. I just hope the time will heal.

futureJD'smom · 06-21-2008, 08:29 PM

Hang in there everyone... time does help the sadness go away. My D just graduated from college, but I cried the entire first month she was gone freshman year. It didn't help that she had trouble adjusting (major home sickness) and I think half my sadness was that she was not happy. But after a month she settled in and I got used to not having her here. Now we are preparing for youngest S to go away to college. I suspect that having been through it once will be no help- I am ready though to feel the sadness and not fight it. Just go with it and time will heal.

momof2inca · 06-21-2008, 08:32 PM

Well, D and I just got into an argument over her lack of a quick response time in writing some thank you notes for grad gifts... she was actually quite disrespectful and now I'm not so anxious about her leaving home in September.

HisGraceFillsMe · 06-21-2008, 08:55 PM

momof2inca...from what my friends have told me, it's normal for parents and kids to have some stressful times/fights the summer before they leave. Emotions are high on both sides, so it's easy to lash out and get into fights.

Hang in there, things will get better.