how do you motivate a smart, lazy kid?

[mamabear1234]

I appreciate you sharing your experiences with your sons, northstarmom. They are very helpful to me. My S finds high school classes boring. He wants to be a video game designer and his most recent interest is in a 2-year program specifically for that. While I worry about him having such a narrow focus in school, not going to a 4-year college, and the job prospects he may have in his lifetime, I am starting to resign myself to the fact that it is his life to live.

[eg1]

If your son isn't being challenged by the work at his school, perhaps he should do some more challenging online classes. I have heard that a lot of people are very satisfied with the Online High School Classes offered by Stanford. We haven't used them, so I can't recommend them personally. What we have been impressed with are the math classes through AoPS (Art of Problem Solving) and the Academic Writing II class through Duke TIP. I would be surprised if he was unchallenged by these classes. The AoPS classes are just the best math classes I've come across, and the teacher for the writing class works incredibly hard to make sure that all her students are working at a level that is appropriate for them (she really pushed my daughter once she saw what my daughter was capable of doing).

[GroovyGeek]

Human beings are driven by passions... No amount of "holding him accountable", whether via a real or idle threat, will do any good., because at 14 he cannot comprehend the nature of the threat. And by the time he comprehends it, it will be too late.

Work hard at finding out what he likes to do, then give him incentive to try similar things.

[bessie]

Let him do the two year school. If it doesn't work out, HE can decide later to pursue a four year degree. You can either contribute or not as you see fit at the time. There is no way to MAKE these kids want to get straight A's. I know, I banged my head against that wall for more years than I care to admit.

[bcnmom]

eg1, we tried the online courses, and it was like pulling teeth to get him to complete the assignments! I honestly think, unfortunately, that's most of the time it's not a lack of challenge, but just plain laziness. Actually, he has an uncle (H's brother) who is exactly like him. Went to the public university closest to home because that's where other siblings went and couldn't be bothered applying anywhere else. Got average grades, but double-majored in computer science and philosophy because it interested him. He now works for Microsoft where he's found other members of his "tribe" and is a happy, well-adjusted adult (who still plays the occasional Dungeons and Dragons game!). I just hope my son can find his way as well. In the end, as long as they are happy, it's "mission accomplished", no?

[ivydreamin]

Just random responses as I read the other posts.
It is so true about the pitfall of praising GT kids for their intellect, which boomerangs because they then become afraid of failure, and they secretly worry that they perhaps are not really all that smart, so are afraid to try new things, not be good at them initially, and then refuse to continue them because they feel 'exposed' as not that intelligent.

I do think some kids are more prone to being perfectionists. My son will bang the keyboard in frustration if he doesn't play the piano piece he is practicing perfectly. No one would notice the slip, oftentimes, but I did tell him that he was very talented when he was younger (he plays almost by ear) and that little bit of occasional praise, reinforced today by being considered the best in his piano class, probably makes him feel frustrated when he has to work at it now. I protest about the keyboard and warn him he won't get a new one if this one breaks, but I leave him alone to work it out. He needs to learn that he has to work at something if he wants to be good, no matter how much innate talent he has. I'm grateful he has piano lessons in a group, he shines but he has to put in some work in order to shine. He's competitive and that has helped motivate him to work.

For your son, try to get him around a farm. Around animals. My daughter's middle school science teacher, who was accepted to MIT back in her day but couldn't go as her dad died while she was still in high school, said that she grew up on a farm and was surrounded by nature. That environment was very stimulating intellectually to her. Pierre Curie spent hours and days in the woods near his home as a child, learning firsthand about nature which no doubt stoked his interest in science. Course work is fine, we learn about the discoveries of others who have gone before, but getting a child in the same environment as these early scientists might spark his curiosity and, after some discoveries of his own, might motivate him to expand his knowledge by consulting the textbooks to see what others can say.
After he becomes a researcher this way, you might have him read, Madame Curie by Eve Curie. What a tale. Eve writes like Jane Austen.

I really appreciate Northstarmom's candor about her efforts to motivate her sons. Some people are late bloomers, and I suspect her older son will follow that path.

I think if a person develops a passion for something,anything, that will have a domino effect, leading to another interest and then another, etc., and no doubt eventually to an interest that will please a parent (note to parent: don't comment on how pleased you are. Just let things take their course). The hard part is for the child to discover some start-up passion, esp with the hurried pace of our lives.

[CAKl]

beat him, with a stick maybe?

[catbird]

I really appreciate Northstarmom's candor about her efforts to motivate her sons

Ditto. NSM, thank you for posting candidly about what must have been very frustrating periods.

[JaneyPT]

good luck to you