parents of moody seniors

bethyy · 06-10-2008, 10:51 PM

I just wanted all the parents out there dealing with graduating seniors to know that the negative attitude many of us have suddenly taken on is due to the fact that we're scared, or nervous. Basically it has nothing to do with you, unless if you count the reason that we may be scared is that we're leaving you.
I thought it was just me doing this to my parents, but I recently talked to a couple of friends and realized they're doing the same exact thing. Before prom, awards ceremonies, senior trips, graduation, everything, I've started acting like a total brat to my parents. Whether it's calling to yell at them because they're two minutes late, or getting bitter when they take too many pictures, it's been ongoing.

So I just wanted to make sure all the parents out there know how much we really do appreciate them and will miss them next year. And for anyone who's worried about their kid's grumpiness, don't be. We love you.

timely · 06-11-2008, 01:19 AM

Awww....thanks, Bethyy! My S would never say it, but I'll read your message and pretend he did.

Just so you know, around here (Parents Forums), we refer to the summer between high school and college as "The Summer from Hell".

ingerp · 06-11-2008, 07:05 AM

bethyy--that was an incredibly mature thing to post. My oldest just graduated from high school a few weeks ago and this boy who has never NEVER been ugly has of late become somewhat. . . snappish. I've read so much about what this last summer might be like but honestly I always thought, "No--not my boy. He'll be an angel <relatively>." I still like to think he won't be as bad as some but there has definitely been some behavior on his part I've never seen before. (How many times did I hear, "I don't care, mother" last week?) Marguerite Kelly writes a Family Almanac column in the Washington Post and last week she addressed this topic (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn...60503641.html). She said it will be bad through the summer and then there will likely be a HUGE blow-up shortly before it's time to leave, but then things seem to come back to normal before the big day.

Would welcome thoughts/experiences/advice from those who have been through/survived it. And from some of you kids! (Now go give your mother a hug.)

jude_36 · 06-11-2008, 08:51 AM

I recall way back in the far distant past getting into a HUGE fight with my mother when she brought me to school.

I'm prepared, but that still won't make it easy.

Dad'o'2 · 06-11-2008, 10:58 AM

The same basic pattern has developed differently among different species of animals. It's just part of nature's plan.

That summer just makes it easier to kick them out of the nest when the time comes....

=========================

Wild for Life - What if You Find

It is part of the natural cycle for the parents to “kick” the baby birds out of the nest even before the babies can fly. They will continue to feed and protect the baby birds while at the same time teach the babies to eat and fly on their own. This process may take several days! See the definition above for “Fledglings”.

somemom · 06-11-2008, 04:50 PM

MY DD graduated 2 years ago, but has lived at home and attended CC, now that a move to "real" university away from home is in the near future, DD is as snappy and annoyed with me as the just graduated HS seniors seem to be!

shellfell · 06-12-2008, 09:25 AM

S warned us a month ago that he was going to make this summer "a living hell" for us (and he doesn't read CC). It's what they need to do to make it easier to leave home.....but it is unpleasant to go through.

eadad · 06-12-2008, 02:31 PM

When my S was finishing his junior year in HS, his school had a person come in to speak to rising senior parents on the topic "Preparing to Launch."

It was quite informative and one of the topics was this very issue; letting us know to be prepared for the behavior changes that were coming which would include picking fights, snapping at the smallest thing and biting our heads off on seemingly every possible occasion, AKA who is this monster/person that has taken over our son's body and now lives in our house?

She explained to us that this was our kids' way of preparing themselves for the pain of separation and that them pushing away was just part of the natural process. Knowing it was coming didn't make it any easier to swallow when it happened but it did at least give us comfort in knowing that we weren't being singled out or had a son who suddenly hated us.

He's returning back home to attend Medical School this fall and while it will be nice to have him closer to home especially so that we can be there for support if he needs it, he'll have no concerns about us being in his space just because he is nearby. We have grown to appreciate "our space" and we may now be the ones doing the pushing off.....LOL.

Life really is a circle......

holla@yaboy · 06-12-2008, 03:57 PM

Bethyy, that note would bring a tear to a glass eye. We know that all of you don't hate us and you really do love us. But it is nice to hear from time to time. Thanks for your insight

myau · 06-13-2008, 04:18 AM

So, is it totally impossible to have an enjoyable last summer with your nest-leaving birdy?

I hoped so much on it - now that (AT LAST!) for the first time in years she won't be stressed-out, sleep-deprived and time-squeezed ... should I forget about it?

Johnson181 · 06-13-2008, 04:38 AM

To any of the parents-
Have any of your kids who went through this been the opposite?
Since graduation, I've been ridiculously lethargic; not snappish at all (at least I don't think

). Mainly I've been spending time at home, not really doing much.
I wouldn't say I'm depressed, necessarily, I really just want to vege out...
Since it has only been 2 weeks since grad (although 6 since class ended), am I just not deep enough into summer yet?

timely · 06-13-2008, 11:03 AM

myau, I wouldn't forget about it. Every kid is different, and I don't think they all go through this, but enough of them do that it's a known phenomenon. Definitely make a point to plan some fun things to do with your D while you have the chance, and don't get your feelings hurt if she talks about how much she'll miss her friends but doesn't say anything about missing you!

Johnson181, it sounds to me like you are just dealing with the upcoming big changes in your life by kind of hiding under a rock. Like I told myau, everyone is different. I don't think it's a bad thing to vege out right now if you have the chance. You'll be busy enough this fall.

What do your parents think about your current state of lethargy? Have they said anything to you about it? Are they trying to get you to do some things?

MiamiDAP · 06-13-2008, 02:08 PM

I did not have a negative experience after kids graduation. However, anybody who cannot control themselves should be reminded that emotional control is a good skill to develop that can benefit their lives tremendously. Any uncontollable outbursts result in making situation worse, and never better. Raising voice, foul language, crying are known to aggravate problem, not solve it. This needs to be addressed at much younger age than 17. It starts at tentrum times (about 2 years old) when they can start using language to communicate instead of tentrums. If any request that is not communicated in a proper way is ignored starting at about 2 years of age, by 17 they will be trained well.

ducktape · 06-13-2008, 05:47 PM

In response to the poster above, it isn't necessarily outbursts as much as tension, and a lot of it- I'm the oldest, and my parents are definitely starting to try to rein in the apron strings, and THAT more than anything is what's causing most of our grief here at home. I insist on one curfew, which isn't even all that late compared to those of my equally sheltered friends, and they insist on the one they set back when I was a sophomore.

While we might be anxious about leaving and all, we're also really excited about moving on and we're using this summer to stretch our wings a little. It's shocking/saddening/hard to cope with watching the little kid whose hand you held into their first day of kindergarten start moving on to a life outside your sphere of influence, but you have to start letting them go try it out on their own.

Deep down, it's this struggle between letting your kid turn into a young adult while trying to hold onto that "one last childhood summer." And unless both sides agree to respect the needs of the other, the summer from hell is just an inevitable part of growing up.

Just my 2 cents.

Johnson181 · 06-13-2008, 07:00 PM

Timely- my mom actually encourages it. I haven't been completely antisocial, but she has found it surprising that I haven't been out of the house every day.

Ducktape- that could be it for me; my parents aren't trying to hold me back at all.
When I wanted to go out until 3 one morning, they just told me to 'drive safely.'

I guess that happens when your mom is a psychologist.