Help Talking to Parents? - Page 2

kristin5792 · 06-11-2008, 11:42 PM

Oh my goodness, mothers like yours make my head spin. If I had to deal with her, I'd probably be a stressed out nervous wreck.

Keep your head up. You're achieving so much more than 99.999% of the college population I'm sure.

Your life is YOUR LIFE. Not your mom's. While it's important to live up to your parent's expectations, don't let them run yours!

M's Mom · 06-12-2008, 10:01 AM

SIB-South Indian Brahmin. If your folks aren't SIB, they should apply for honorary membership.

MamaDiva · 06-12-2008, 01:10 PM

VenKat, you appear to be a very bright individual! You have thought things through and are making sound decisions. To piggyback off of kristin, some parents do try to live vicariously through their children by pushing them into careers they had hoped to enter. Then I have a coworker whose neice was pushed into medicine by her mom, so that she could find a husband that makes enough money to give her a good life. Ah, what's wrong with picture?! Anyway, keep up the good work and I am sure you will do well in whatever career you embark upon!

PennHunter · 06-12-2008, 03:29 PM

Venkat,
Remember me from back in the day when we were both dying to get into Penn. Well, If you remember right I was rejected, after I was deferred. I am going through a near similar situation at the moment with both my mom and dad, who have not given up the dream of me perusing nursing and law. I am currently attending a small liberal arts college in Missouri where I have established myself this past year. I learned quickly that nursing is not the correct subject for me to study, at least at William Jewell. I ended up adding finance courses, they really seemed of interest to me. When I go back next fall, I am switching my majors to Finance and biomedical engineering with a premedical track. I don’t know if BME is of any interest to you or if SEAS even has it but maybe, you should consider it. I am told that I won’t succeed at what "I" want to do, and I have learned to not care. It’s your life!

MiamiDAP · 06-13-2008, 08:12 AM

Engineering will definately result in great job security. Medicine is even much more. However, if you hate both of them, it will be a torture for you and will not be successful. Engineering is probably the toughest major in college even for people who wants to be in a field. Without making good grades, it will be rough to get a job. Midicine is a whole different game. You need very high GPA + reasonable MCAT to get to Med. school and on top they are looking for an evidence that you really care about medicine (volunteering in a hospital, med. research experience, etc.). You really need to care about it to pursue either engineering or medicine. Otherwise, it is not going to work.

gadad · 06-13-2008, 08:28 AM

Venkat - LOL!!!!!!! - The notion of an Econ / Math major from Penn being unemployable is unimaginable! The only thing that could make it difficult for anyone to hire you would be if your enthusiasm was crushed in the attempt to force yourself into a course of studies that you don't like. I have two daughters at another Ivy. My desire for them is that they find any course of study that lights a fire under them and ignites their passions, and that they throw themselves into campus life outside the classroom with everything they've got. Pre-professional specialization is what grad school is for.

memake · 06-13-2008, 09:37 AM

- perhaps you already have enough advice -

I just thought I'd add my perspective, as a mother...maybe your mother is similar to me; MOSTLY, she just wants to be listened to, and to have her anxieties acknowledged. So, you don't need to put on a cart-and-pony show proving to her that econ/math majors from Penn do not generally become bag ladies. You just need to listen to her and acknowledge her worries. Show her you work hard and do well in your courses. I'm sure she also wants you to be able to do what you love in life.

Don't try so hard to persuade her that you are making the right choice in majors - really you want to get away from her believing that she needs to approve of your choice in this, and trying to persuade her that you've chosen correctly is not the way; just show her that you are taking your work seriously and doing well. And LET HER VENT ABOUT HER ANXIETIES without feeling you have to 'answer' every concern and lay it to rest.

Venkat89 · 06-13-2008, 09:59 AM

Thanks for all the advice so far. I've tried talking to her and showed that I'm still serious about working hard in college and getting a good job when I get out by looking up good study abroad programs that can give me good experiences and trying to slowly research big name companies that might hire a sophomore for a summer internship next year so I can start applying in the fall and stalk them when they get on campus for OCR.

I'm starting to think that this is mostly because I dropped premed. She really really wants me to become a doctor (her dream). I think she pushed me to be an engineer because if I don't have the grades/MCAT score to get into med school it still offers a good job compared to a bio or chem major. The easiest way for her to have justified me not going into medicine would have been going to Wharton because that is the path of least resistance to getting a good job out of college. I'm sure she'll get over it sooner or later.

gadad · 06-13-2008, 10:04 AM

Memake sounds like she's got the right perspective on things. As all of us "South of the Mason-Dixon line, north of Cuba" are inclined to observe, "If Momma ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy!"

ocho cinco · 06-13-2008, 12:18 PM

Venkat,

I can kind of understand what you're going through. Though my parents aren't anything like that, I have several Indian friends with similarly insistent parents. I think it might have been mentioned, but you really have to consider your mom's intentions here. Indian culture and traditions revolve around the "doing well in school --> getting a good job" concept. Your mom feels she's simply looking out for your best interests. My advice would be to educate her politely in terms she can relate to. Somehow convey the point that Econ/Math majors especially from Ivys are highly valued in the job market because of their quantitative abilities and liberal arts backgrounds. I'm sure she'll understand in time.

hahaha SIB...never heard that one. guess I'm just an SI, don't have the caste qualification to justify the "B" LOL.

NJ_mother · 06-13-2008, 04:46 PM

To the OP: a friend of mine from college pursued his mother's dream and not his. Went to med school and although a certified genius (was a naval architect in high school!!) he couldn't hack med school courses. He had a lot of trouble during residency and now works part-time in a path lab at a med school. Never married. The moral is that to be a physician takes a special person. I'm medical school faculty (PhD researcher) and I don't have what it takes to be an MD; I like going home nights to my family. Better to know yourself now and follow your heart. And feel free to show my message to your mother or PM me for info.

MommaJ · 06-13-2008, 11:05 PM

You know, I don't think you really need help talking to your parents. You need help accepting the idea that it's okay for your mother to be unhappy with your choices. You seem intelligent, thoughtful and levelheaded. You have confidence in your decisions. That's good enough. Stop trying to amass evidence to support your position--this isn't a trial. A simple "I understand how you feel and respect your opinion, but I disagree and I've made my decision," should be the response to any continued carping. Then move on.

By the way, you are the essence of patience. If I had pulled any of that nonsense with my kids, they would have just stopped talking to me mighty quickly.