Summer Curfew for College Students-Need help

[3bm103]

I think it's an individual family thing. If a parent truly has trouble sleeping until the kids are safely home then a compromise has to be made so that they get to go out a couple of nights a week and mom gets to sleep well the other nights.

Personally, my husband's snoring is way worse than any kid coming home. For that they make wonderful earplugs. So no. My adult children never had a curfew when at home. They were responsible, considerate and trustworthy. I honestly don't care what time they get home.

[Singersmom07]

They have been to college and there is no going back. After 4 going away I have learned to let go. I can go to sleep now when they are out. We check the safety issues, the call at 11:30 is good. But they really are in control now.

However, if you really cannot let yourself go to sleep if there is someone still out, you could use that peace of mind issue to get come kind of compromise. Especially if you have to go to work in the AM. It becomes a courtesy thing instead of a control thing. Now that we are retired we don't have that.

[RacinReaver]

There is definitely a higher percentage of drunks on the roads at that time than at other times - just ask any cop.

Well, naturally there's going to be a higher percentage on the roads then, but I've found avoiding crazy drivers at night to be a lot easier than during the day when roads are jam-packed. If you hang back a quarter of a mile from a drunk person at 5 PM, you're going to have people tailgating you. If you do it at 2 AM, you won't have any problems. The only time I like driving during the day more nowadays is when I'm in unfamiliar territory and don't know where I'm going.

[limner]

My son would sometimes come in about 1 a.m. over Christmas break. I knew where he was and who he was with; my problem with it was worrying until he was home safe--my problem, not his.:/

I asked him to turn out the hall light when he came in. That way, I could wake up in the night and know immediately if he was home or not. I know it's not the most satisfying of answers, but it seems that you're dealing with worry, not lack of trust of your daughter or her actions.

I didn't realize until last Christmas vacation how much I felt that my son was safer while at his small LAC--no driving, small town, etc. Then he came home and was driving, out late, and so on. It's not like he's into wild partying at either place; it's just a parent's fears, I guess.

[momofthreeboys]

My 17 year old has a midnight curfew, my 14 year old 10:00. My soon to be 20 year old home for the summer I ask to come in by 1:00 AM Sunday night through Thursday night and on Friday's and Saturday's he does not have a curfew. I find that it helps me sleep alittle better on my "work nights" because I too do tend to sleep lightly until I know they are all home safely. 20 year old does restaurant work but generally they get the kitchen closed down by midnight at the latest, 10 at the earliest. Friday's and Saturdays I have learned to just let go and if I don't at least I can sleep in the next morning. Although it seems to me that 2:00ish is about the latest I hear him pull into the driveway.

[wis75]

An adult child who has lived away from home certainly doesn't need to abide by rules for being home by certain times. It is polite to let you know if she plans to deviate from her customary routine, but not obligatory. Her desire to relax after work is very reasonable, normal sounding hours. Let go and don't worry.

[justhismom]

I agree with Limner. S is home for the summer working full time but there are still those times when he is driving and out. Again it is my problem that I can't sleep unless I know that he is home. But I am finding that I like things a lot better when he is at college. No driving, so I don't have to worry about the drinking and driving combo, plus it is a small campus so I know he is always with a crowd. While he is at school I very seldom wonder what he is doing and where he is at 11 p.m. on any given night. I guess I really don't want to know.

[kenf1234]

She may not drink and drive but others do. I don't like to be out past midnight, 1 am at the latest. Weird stuff happens...

I feel the same way.

[cottonwood513]

When I go to bed, I turn the light on in DS's bedroom. That way
if I wake up during the night, I can look down the hall and see if his
light is off. Then I know he is home safe and go back to sleep.

Your daughter is considerate to call you at 11:30. She is too old
for a curfew.

[paying3tuitions]

I'd put no restriction on her. You are so lucky. She wants to live at home, has found gainful employment, wants to eat out afterwards with coworkers (which absolutely will help her in her relations at work). She is mindful of her own safety (with people walking her to her car). She calls you at ll:30 p.m.

She is doing everything possible. To me, setting any curfew this summer would just assure that next summer she'll find a different location to live and earn, and then you'd miss her a lot all summer. Now she's making many accommodations to you, so this time it's your turn by not imposing curfews so you can sleep more worry-free.

I would let her do exactly what she needs to handle her job. I'm thinking more in the direction of inside-the-house signals (I liked the one about leaving a light on until she turns it off, for example). You just need to go to sleep confident that she's fine, and a way to reassure yourself should you wake up in the middle of the night (the on-light switch) so you go right back to sleep.

Worry less, dance more.

[over30]

No curfew here either, not even in high school. If it's not too late (11 to about midnight) I ask them to call if they're going to be very late or out all night. When I get up in the night (which I usually do) I check to see if the alarm is set.

If it's too late to call I ask that they send me a text. That has helped a lot - phone calls don't wake me but I know where they are.

[archiemom]

My son is working the late shift (until 10pm or midnight) this summer at our local Dunkin Donuts so that he has his days free for flight lessons. On the weekends, he usually goes out with friends afterwards (like he is tonight). We just require him to tell us where he expects to be...so we know where to start the search, should he not be home by the time we wake in the morning. Whether he's out or not, his hours are different than ours; I'm satisfied that he lets us know where he's going to be and that he calls if plans change.

[qwilde]

<needless remark> paying3tutitions seems to be one of the only reasonable parents on collegeboard </needless remark>

[PackMom]

S2's curfew was 12:00 until he turned 18 (6 mos. ago) when we pushed it back to 1:00. Since he graduated from high school a few weeks ago, we have lifted the curfew. This summer he can make his own schedule (he works 9-5 thru the week). We only ask that he call before 11:00 if he plans to stay the night with a friend. I'm another one who leaves the light on in the hall and he turns it off when he comes in.

[somemom]

We use the light on/off signal and also I have my Ds text me now & again when they are out. i fall asleep, I can wake up, wonder what is going on, check my phone and be clear they are safe, yet if I do fall soundly asleep a phone call does not wake me (cell phone on vibrate for text & calls)

I can sleep, they can do whatever, responsibly- a 10 second text every hour after midnight is not a big deal