Colleges far from home

Heron · 07-03-2008, 12:12 PM

Reading all of the posts about parents dreading the empty nest, thinking of moving to be near their college student, I've been thinking. A friend of mine, when her son was applying to school, told him that he had to go to a school within a two hour drive of home! Of course, she lived in the northeast, with tons of great schools to choose from. But I thought then and think now, that depending on your location, that's not such a bad idea for some kids and some parents! Not for everyone, obviously, but with the cost and time of traveling home and back several times a year, and the kind of kids/parents who thrive on being near one another, something to think about when your kid is deciding where to apply.

shennie · 07-03-2008, 12:59 PM

I have a friend who limited their kids to a school that was no more than 1 tank of gas away from home. Worked for them.

laxmom · 07-03-2008, 01:07 PM

I didn't limit where my 2 sons could apply/attend school. I wanted them to make the decisions based upon the school, majors, ECs, etc.
While I'm sure it is important to many parents, personally, I didn't want to limit mine.

giddey_up · 07-03-2008, 01:13 PM

My D wouldn’t consider schools in our city because she wanted to be independent, and have the “college experience.” When she decided to go out of state, we limited our search to those schools that we could reach within a single days’ drive. We also considered several schools in the Northeast where we have hub-to-hub airline service and nearby relatives in the event of an emergency or disaster (like 911). So many great schools in the Northeast! Of course, we might have excluded those options with the cost of airfare these days. My wife introduced these parameters into our search – I didn’t think it was such a big deal having gone to school over a thousand miles from home, as did all my siblings. But, when you get that seemingly inevitable call from the Emergency Room, it is nice to know that you or you family can come to the rescue.

laurstar07 · 07-03-2008, 01:57 PM

i was only allowed to apply to schools which were "drive-able"...ie no more than 10 hours away. that kind of limited me to the east coast. but still, cornell is 5.5 hours away and i go home 4 times during the year (october fall break <5 days>, thanksgiving <5 days>, 6 week winter break, 10 day spring break)

huskem55 · 07-03-2008, 02:08 PM

my parents gave us all a 3-hour driving limit. my brother was about 90 minutes away, i was an hour, and my sister ended up 10 minutes! (fortunately she lives on campus).

UCLA Band Mom · 07-03-2008, 02:51 PM

My Dad gave me a 100 mile radius. Luckily, Pomona College was within that radius.

PackMom · 07-03-2008, 02:54 PM

S1 has an outside scholarship that he could have used at many different schools across the country. We would have let him go anywhere he could get in because the scholarship would be paying so much of his college costs
He chose our big state u 2.5 hours away.

S2 (zero scholarships) was limited (by us) to instate publics. He will attend the farthest away (4 hrs from home) state u. in our state system.

bclintonk · 07-03-2008, 02:57 PM

I don't much believe in these geographical limits. College is a time to find yourself and follow your academic ambitions. I much prefer to look for the best "fit" rather than confining the search geographically. Of course, it helps that we're literally 5 minutes from a major mid-continent hub and everyplace D #1 is interested in so far is in or very near a major city, so it's likely she'll end up a 2- to 3-hour nonstop flight away.

rap_mom · 07-03-2008, 03:09 PM

We live in the Northeast and, in theory, had tons of decent schools to which my eldest S could apply. However, his "best fit" school turned out to be in (U of) Chicago. Turns out that that the plane ride is only ~ 2hrs away, plus he only comes home occasionally anyway.

On the other hand, we've already started thinking about possibilities for my youngest S who just starts HS next fall. For him, we think he'll (and we'll) need the security of being a car ride away rather than a plane ride away. So, as is true for so many issues posted on CC, "it depends on your child" (your budget, your priorities, etc.)

gadad · 07-03-2008, 03:20 PM

I would consider suggesting to a student that they ONLY consider schools > 2 hours from home. Students who live closer than that tend to run back and forth from school to home, depending upon social networks and support structures at home instead of learning how to live on their own. There's another breaking point at around 400-500 miles - the distance at which it makes more sense to fly than to drive. Some parents stress out over the idea of their student going across the country to college. Once you've passed the drive vs. fly threshold, whether you spend two, three, or four hours in flight is of little significance.

cathymee · 07-03-2008, 03:21 PM

Both my kids flew the coop far far away NY to Az then to St Louis,Mo and NY to SC for #2.
D had a HS friend whose parents told her up to 5 hrs in any direction and if she kept the parameters they'd buy her a new car. It worked.

johnshade · 07-03-2008, 04:23 PM

I agree with gadad. I want my kids to be further away, not closer. College is about developing independence and cutting apron strings, not running home to do laundry and cry on mom's shoulder every weekend. First daughter is going across the country to California (though that's relatively closer than it appears since she just spent a year in Kamchatka). Despite my urging, the second one will probably stay in the east, though at least 3 (and preferably 6-10) hours drive from home.

Singersmom07 · 07-03-2008, 05:54 PM

It took longer to drive to S1 and S3's schools, one in-state and one still on east coast, than it takes DD to fly home from TX. Not hard for us to visit and her to get home. Southwest serves the route so not too expensive either. I already visited her more than the one that was at the other end of our own state. She had to learn to take care of things herself and not run home. She made new friends not relying on the old HS group. She grew up a lot.

dntw8up · 07-03-2008, 06:13 PM

Hey Heron,

I concur with your observation. College is different things to different students. Some students will fare better with closer parents, while others clearly need distance. Some students will flourish in a dorm, while others may be happier individuals if they can live at home and commute. College is about personal growth, which for some involves "cutting the apron strings" while others may be more interested in transitioning into an adult relationship with nearby parents. What's good for your student may not be best for mine because each student, and family, is different. Fortunately, in the U.S. we enjoy an abundance of college options.