Need advice regarding "rushing" a sorority/fraternity

doame · 04-01-2009, 10:56 PM

My D is thinking about the sorority/greek involvement. She's a bit wary, and I can't offer much personal advice, as I did not get involved. It seems to me it would likely be a fun experience, but I worry it could be brutal to possibly "rush" and feel rejected if not selected.
My husband was in a fraternity and says she should "go for it". She's social, but not super outgoing...

She obviously can collect a lot of information during orientation, etc. But I was interested - from a parent's perspective if anyone has any advice?

somemom · 04-01-2009, 11:57 PM

I think a lot depends on the school and the Greek atmosphere. Stereotypes exist for a reason, I am sure going Greek at USC has a different feel than at a school where there is not such a huge Greek presence.

My DD went Greek at a huge flagship where the Greek life does not dominate the campus, it was a real lifesaver for her in finding a core group of friends to enjoy every day. She is very happy with her sorority

siliconvalleymom · 04-02-2009, 12:06 AM

Is she an incoming freshman?
Four sources of information:
1) There should be lots of useful information on the college's Panhellenic website...dates, schedule, costs, houses, links to their websites, what to wear, if rec letters are expected.
2) I would also check on the CC subforum specific to the college and ask the question there.
3) Ask older girls from the high school who have gone on to the same college what their impressions are...even if they chose not to rush themselves, they will have friends who did.
4) If you are from an area with a strong alumni panhellenic association (mostly the South), contact them to see if they are hosting a spring reception or information meeting for incoming freshman (these are not specific to any one school or sorority).

Son of Opie · 04-02-2009, 12:36 AM

At my school, rush was much more of a formal commitment for girls than it was for guys... worth finding out what the format will be, at least.

LindaCarmichael · 04-02-2009, 12:50 AM

May I ask how much it costs to join?

Just curious.

Cryto · 04-02-2009, 01:52 AM

Linda, the price of going Greek will vary based on a number of factors. These include the size of the house, the activities your house has, if you have a cook or not, and more. Usually I would say it is comparable to living in dorms and can be cheaper or more expensive depending on ammenities.

Marian · 04-02-2009, 07:00 AM

Don't forget to consider the cost of clothing for the many social activities included in Greek life.

For my daughter, who is not in a sorority, her college wardrobe consists of jeans, casual shirts and sweaters, one suit (for interviews), and two dresses (one of which is three years old). A sorority member would not be able to get away with having such a small amount and variety of clothing.

PackMom · 04-02-2009, 07:25 AM

At S's big state u., the cost of going Greek is around $1000/yr. That is for a student living in the dorm. I know the sorority girls there are required to live in the sorority house for at least one year but don't kow the cost of that.

Find out how long the rush process actually takes. S had a friend who rushd (frat). He was selected for a frat he liked and was all excited until he found out that after selection, the pledges wouldn't actually be inducted in the frat. until almost the end of Spring sem. which meant almost the whole school yr. would be taken up with silly pledge activities. At that point he decided it was not worth it and depledged.

lje62 · 04-02-2009, 07:34 AM

My daughter decided to join a sorority this year. It was all Greek to me

The process started with several sororities and wanna be members sort of chatting and getting to know each other and how well they will be matched. She ended up in the one that she felt most comfortable with. She is in Boston so there are no houses for any Greeks.
It has been a great experience for her. The pledge and rush time was very time consuming and yes, she did have to buy some clothing that she otherwise wouldn't have worn , but the benefits far outweigh anything remotely negative. She has formed some very close friendships and it was good to have the guidance and support of the older girls.Also, she participated in some great community service events . I was surprised to see her take the helm and organize of an event for Alumni. That was something that I felt would have normally been out of her comfort zone.
There have been a couple of semi-formals but she wore dresses from high school.

sunnyflorida · 04-02-2009, 07:54 AM

D went through rush this past fall as a freshman at a big flagship U. It has been a good experience. She has a core group of friends with similar values and interests, for the most part. It allowed her to get into leadership roles within her pledge class, and now with the sorority as a whole. She is excited to be living in the house next year (and it will be at a great savings compared to dorm or apartment living.) This year, the house has been a place to go for meals, a movie in the TV room. I paid for dues this year, and she will work summer (job lined up already) to pay for next years dues. At her U, GPA's of girls in sororities are higher than non Greek girls, and they have study times, and monitor the girls grades. It has been a plus for my D. She went to flagship state U, and wanted to develop a group of friends/support separate from her HS classmates. It has worked out well. Lots of philanthropy. Some socials. A few new dresses. A few trips to Wal-mart or the thrift stores for "themed" costumes for activities--but they make for great and fun pictures as well!!!

MiamiDAP · 04-02-2009, 07:58 AM

I did not think at first that D. will be interest, but she decided to go for it and having a great time and learning tons that she mentioned that she would not have learned otherwise. They even nominated her to be a President, but she had to decline being extremely busy with everything on her plate. However, she has an important position and part of board and is going for National convention in a summer. Couple year ago she would not imagine herself talking in front of non-familiar faces for hours, and now she knows that she is completely comfortable with it (formal recruitment experience). There are other positive experiences like this that she mentioned. I personally liked a lot the way they cared about one girl who was admitted to the hospital, like real family. D. feels that it is her family away from family. However, sorority is expensive and girls who do not really participate, but just pay membership are just wasting their money.

Need_coffee · 04-02-2009, 10:19 AM

I was in a sorority at a California flagship U and it was one of the most significant aspects of my entire college experience. It was really important for me to feel part of a smaller group within a larger university and I loved my sorority experience. That being said, the actual sorority rush is very stressful (depending on the school) and in many cases is as stessful as the whole college selection process. In my case we had to go a week early before school started for rush. I was far from home, alone in my dorm room (my roommate did not rush), and no matter what anyone says you are being judged every day throughout the rush process. Instead of being evaluated on your GPA, SATs, etc., you are being judged on your personality, fit with the house, and frankly, on your appearance.

There were 15 sororities at my school and the first two day everyone had to go to all 15 houses. At each house, you sit and chat with members who rotate every 10/15 minutes so you get to talk to quite a few people. At the end of the second day you had to list which houses you wanted to keep and the sorority submits their list of candidates they want to keep. Only the ones that match will be on your list for the next day. You, and the sorority, eliminate more each day until you have two houses left for the final selection. You can see how this process could lead to much heartache if you are dropped by houses that you loved where you thought you really connected with the girls, etc.

Like I said, I did love my sorority experience and ALL of the college friends I keep in touch with today (many years after graduation) are from my sorority. I do think kids need to be informed about the rush process and decide whether they would be ready for that type of process as a freshman. I was quite social and talked to new people easily, but I did find that the process brought out my existing insecurities about my looks. It didn't help that the sorority I loved had the reputation as being made up of really tall, beautiful, California blonds. It turns out that many of the reputations are not completely accurate and that they still liked this short, spunky, brunette girl!

I think your daughter should talk to kids who have been through the process at the specific school she will be attending. If she handled the college application process well and can handle rejection and bounce back easily, I think it would be worth going through rush.

jessiehl · 04-02-2009, 10:34 AM

Quote:

A sorority member would not be able to get away with having such a small amount and variety of clothing.

That depends on your school and specific house.

I think the best advice to give her is that she needs to do her research on the scene and the houses.

siliconvalleymom · 04-02-2009, 11:45 AM

I had to buy one black dress and one white dress, which I wore repeatedly for chapter events. For semiformals, I just traded dresses with my friends, which was never a problem.
Frankly, my equipment costs for my sport were far higher than my sorority costs.

somemom · 04-02-2009, 02:13 PM

DDs sorority has guidelines for attire for certain events, but what is great is the go with general themes, like primary coloured short dress and they have a girl who will email every one guidelines and ideas as to where to obtain the items in all price ranges. So, they actually help the girls compile a slightly dressy wardrobe with guidance and to what looks good on different body types, choosing colours to go with your colouring etc. This could all devolve into a snotty nasty high school attitude opportunity to put some one down, but it is not that way.

If your kid is considering Greek, but is more low key and not sure they are up for the whole rush thing, you might suggest watching for the fall rush and then participate in the spring rush which usually has fewer options (only those houses with room for more girls) and the while thing is just much more low key. I am not sure my Dd could have stomached some of the intensity of fall rush, she may have just decided it was not worth it.

Rush is very stressful for the sorority girls, too, they meet until late in the night each day to make cuts or matches or whatever they do to create their list. And they have to agree on every one and they must stay as late as it takes to compile the list!