High SAT, Wilting GPA, Needs campus nature

[NewHope33]

Speaking as a former Slacker Boy, I can state that there's a very fine line between "I'm not doing it because it's boring" and "I'm not doing it because it's hard." (I know, I know ... the boy's not a slacker, he just doesn't wanna do the work.)

[katwkittens]

Have 3 boys (also 2 daughters), single mom and a "fiscally" challenged household. And when they were younger it was the boys' tendency to "slack". Boys were in the gifted and talented programs and slept through class. It wasn't until they heard from me everyday that they were one step closer to their adult future and they were responsible for where they would end up.

They too were varsity athletes but were responsible for their fees, uniforms and getting themselves to practice. They knew if they screwed up it would be gone. They managed to make it to all their practices, games and remain eligible grade-wise.

They also knew they were on the hook for college. They choices and actions they did in junior high and high school would affect their options come college admissions.

I am right there with Northstarmom they need to want it for themselves and be willing to put the work into getting there. I would help with the typing or the post office and money orders but beyond that they were on their own. They knew their grades, ECs, sports and their ability to perform test-wise would be determining their future.

They knew because I told them. Over and over. My job to do that and they knew their job was to be the best students they could be. If that meant checking the box and doing crappy, piddly assignments or "projects", then so be it. Beats food stamps and free lunch any day.

So "slacker" sons figured it out (albeit with my reminders-nice way of saying nagging) and did their 50 math problems and "showed" their work. That alone made my boys crazy, if they can do it in their heads "why do we need to write it down?"

Had many more of these questions along the way. Told them 90% of success is just showing up. Do what is requested and then do what you need. If that was the game at that time and what was needed to move along, then they needed to get along. Play nice and still do what you need for you. And good things will happen.

It wasn't easy. Was a struggle, still is. But it is working for us. Biggest slacker son graduated valedictorian, high SATs (no tutor $-no money) admitted EA to MIT, CalTech, Chicago and early acceptance to West Point and is now happy at an Ivy having the time of his life, studying and not "showing his work" in his physics and math classes. Spent this summer at Yale doing research and last summer at Harvard.

He learned how to do his 50 "useless" math problems and not complain. Just get it done and move on. Older brother also went on to a service academy and does not get frustrated with the military's "hurry and wait". After learning to also do his 50 math problems he realizes that is how the real world works. You will do inane, repetitive tasks in order to make your dreams a reality.

He knows that follow through is what is allowing him to fly a jet going supersonic. Lots of repetitive tasks to get to that point.

It is my job as his mom to support him even if that means telling him something he doesn't want to hear. And that's my honesty. Their high SAT scores were based mostly on genetics and their ability to take a test. That's it.

Their grades were representative of their hard work and effort they were willing to put into getting their "job" done of being students. Their EC choices and sports were them learning time management, good sportsmanship, loyalty and ability and want to do for others. That is what challenging colleges are looking for. Students willing to look beyond their own world and do the tasks necessary to better themselves and others academically, socially and culturally.

OP, your son has his senior year left, it is up to him what he chooses to do with it. It can be a fresh start or it can be more of the same. What he does will be the next steps in his journey to adulthood. The question is, how do you want to be a part of it?

The college he attends will give him the education he desires. It will be completely dependent on how much he is willing to do. It will be what he makes of it, regardless if it is a challenging school or a "easier" one.

I wanted my children to become educated, more than I ever was. It was up to them to decide how badly they wanted that and what they were willing to do to get it. They were accountable, not me, not the teachers, not the homework, not the public school system.

Keep this in mind when he is looking at schools and the eventual application cycle and its results.

Kat

[ThatMom]

Great post kat!

[nysmile]

kat, I totally agree with you (Mom of 2 sons-both now in college). Great post!

[delamer]

I agree with NewHope33. There is also a fine line between "I'm not doing it because it is boring" and "I'm not doing it because there is something FUN I'd rather be doing."

If there has ever been a day in my life when I did not have to do something boring, I sure can't remember it. You have to look at the boring stuff as getting to you toward your goal. Some people have a harder time figuring that out than others.

[anothercollegemom]

Not sure if I missed what state you live in, but UC Santa Cruz is a good school accepting students with less than perfect GPAs. It has the most beautiful campus I have ever seen in terms of natural surroundings. On one side there are trees and plantlife galore and a Redwood forest...on the other side you have the beach and stunning ocean views. Really, I've never seen anything like it for a nature lover's dream. ( Personally, I loved the trees the most).

[pugmadkate]

Our great nation was founded by some very bright guys who were fed up with the "way things were." It's not just my kiddo here that we are talking about.

Your child is not leading a revolution based on the ideals of Democracy. He is not signing his name to a document that makes him a traitor to the country he was born too. He's not in Iraq or teaching the next generation. I think some perspective is called for here.

We, as a nation, are failing our young men. Far more males than females drop out and don't finish high school. Newsweek ran a story last year about the number of males that now choose not to go to college and then spend their twenties couch surfing and holding temp jobs...

I absolutely agree. I attribute to part of this to the ever lowering of expectations of boys or the flip side of that which is making excuses for boys refusal to do work they see as "beneath" them, be it due to their temperment or intellect.

I flatly refuse to reward my kid for not living up to his potential, no matter how inspiring a speech he gives. In life, people help those who are doing their best, including the scut work that no one likes. My son's SAT score and natural intellect will not put a roof over his head, for that he needs a work ethic.

[pugmadkate]

Kat, Beautifully written.

[curmudgeon]

What he does will be the next steps in his journey to adulthood. The question is, how do you want to be a part of it?

kat, I have long admired you. Never more than right now. Thank you for being here.

[Singersmom07]

I know that sometimes I sound like a broken record, but with all 3 S's, a reluctance to do the "busy" work and show work was actually related to a processing issue and LD that made writing everything down much harder for them. It also showed up in not writing down the homework. Since they were very bright they could mask it with doing it in their head and doing well on tests. Until the work just got to be too much to keep in their heads. The long testing done with an educational tester picked up the issues and helped us get the help they needed to be successful.

S1 took what was needed and did well. S2 still decided he did not want to do what was necessary and took 3 years off school. He is back now doing everything required and doing well. S3 did not want to do what was necessary and failed. He has not yet decided to try again and is a waiter. Each took the knowledge and skills they were taught and did what they wanted with them. We did our part by helping them find the issues and get the teachers needed to develop the skills required to compensate.


So are you sure there are not any LD issues? .

[EMM1]

kat, I should have forstered my children out to you.

[ReadyToRoll]

I was a former bright slacker kid who graduated college with a 4.0. I went to large public schools for both college and grad. school. I'm sure my parents were frustrated with me...I was in a GT program as a youngster, skipped a grade, and started high school as a 12 year old. I can't look back on high school and specifically pinpoint why I didn't feel like working as hard as I felt like working in college. It could have been any number of reasons. I think because of this, I have a lot of confidence that my own kid will do fine. (Plus, he is way more active in ECs than I ever was...all I did was talk on the phone! Okay...I did have one major EC, but it wasn't nearly as time consuming as his are.) I think we all know our kids best, and while it is always good to read of others' experiences, one can't take too much of it to heart. Some kids take longer to develop, some really do struggle, some have learning disabilities, some get into problems with drugs and alcohol....all of those kids may have the same GPA but completely different situations or personalities. Take the advice that helps you the most.

[eg1]

Are there any dual-enrollment options available to your son - he might be able to find more stimulating classes (no guarantee, but he could talk with profs before signing up) at a local community college? Or, would he be interested in taking control of his own education and homeschooling? There are many good online options, if that style of learning would work for him (although they can still involve tedious busy work, so, again, you'd have to choose carefully). For English, Duke TIP has a great online course with a teacher who individualizes for each student, and for math AoPS (artofproblemsolving.com) is a great resource. He would have to be very motivated to making independent learning work, however, or he could end up wasting the year.

['rentof2]

I know kids like the OP's son. They are undeniably very, very intelligent, but for whatever reasons do not do well with repetitive tasks, assignments that feel unproductive for them, staying organized about due dates, etc. My own kid is probably a bit less naturally gifted intellectually, but he has a good work ethic and it has served him well.

That said, I don't think in all cases being the "perfect parent" who constantly impresses on a kid the value of a hard day's work is going to make a cat into a dog... if you know what I mean. Cats go their own way, dogs labor and please. Some kids are just who they are.

That said, I think Northstarmom is right on the money. It will fall into place when it makes sense for *them*. Not everyone has to be a lawyer or a scientist or an astronaut. What matters is that kids find a way to feel productive and happy in the world. The capacity of doing scut work increases as the point of doing it becomes clearer. For some kids that happens long after high school. Sometimes long after college. There is so much heavy judgement in this thread.

As for public versus private colleges; my hard-working responsible son is at an elite private LAC. My also hard-working but more naturally "gifted" (that word makes me puke, by the way) daughter chose the flagship state u. honors college. She likes the larger environment, the more diverse student body, and the 'real world' ambiance. She did her first year of college at a regional state u, because she wanted to start college very early and I thought she was too young to leave home. Even at that school, she quickly learned where the great professors were, took challenging classes, and had a great year. She met other really smart students, got in involved in activities outside the classroom, and was very happy.

I agree with the earlier poster that said finding a school where your son can be happy and enjoy where he is, make friends, etc. is probably the best path. He'll either do well there or he won't, but it will be up to him. Maybe he'll end up taking some time off and going back to school later on when he knows for himself what he wants to accomplish there. Nothing wrong with that. Life is long and full of twists and turns.

I don't think the point is really going to be, so much, finding the perfect college though. I mean, finding something with a lot of nature seems important if it will make him feel happy there, but honestly if a student is looking for quality in their education they can find it almost anywhere. And if they're not, it won't matter that much where they go.

A kid I know had so-so grades, great test scores, and he got into an elite private college. He's not doing very well there and may not last much longer if he doesn't get his act together. Whatever issues caused him to be careless or dismissive of what was required of him in high school, those issues have naturally gone with him to college. Still, I'm pretty sure this kid will eventually sort all of this out. He may end up taking some time out and returning to a state school later in life, but when he does he'll do great there.

Nearly all those smart cats become more dog-like as they get older and identify what they want to accomplish for themselves. And maybe some don't and they end up living below what other people believe is their potential. Well, that is still up to them -- it always was and it always will be. That's really their business. They get to define happiness and success for themselves.

[NewHope33]

"There is so much heavy judgement in this thread."

Yes there is, and without it CC would be just another social site. That said, I think posters in this thread have been constructive in their comments. No?