For the first time ever I feel like I have to nag my daughter...

[sax]

2leashes. Here is what you said.


Daughter is a straight A student in honors, accelerated and AP classes.

She is self directed and motivated.

Her AP English teacher has given her a tremendous amount of summer work to compete which you know she will finish.

She is completeing an on line health class through BYU this summer.

She has begun reading the Odyssey.

Your daughters good friends are socializing more this summer.

Your daughters good friend got a higher SAT score than she did.

Your daughter passed up a number of social events during her junior year to stay home and study.

You want your daughter to read more to increase her CR score.

You plan on some college visits this summer.

2leashes. She is doing fine. Really. She needs a break before she gets thrown back into her senior year. She really does. I get tense just reading what she has to do for english class. The teacher should realize these kids need time this summer to think about college choices. I'm glad I'm not your daughter. Let her have a breather.

The easiest and fastest way to increase the cr score is to use flash cards for the vocab. that is on the test. Leave them in the car.

Good luck. I don't mean to sound harsh but I feel bad for this kid.

I also agree with Marians take on her average SAT score and view of herself. I think this shows she has to work very hard for the grades she has. Good for her. She will do great in college.

[Chedva]

She's been out for what, two weeks or so? Given your description of her, realize that when push comes to shove, she'll get her work done. But she needs a break for a little while. She's looking at this as the last summer she'll be with her friends planning for the same year together, so certainly she wants to socialize. She's procrastinating because this is the first time in her life that she doesn't know where she'll be next year; there's no "natural progression" as there was from elementary to middle to high school. It's quite scary. Or maybe she's just thinking, "I worked hard all my life, and now I have to work harder to get to a place where I have to work just as hard for the next 4 years? Why?"

My d was the same; everything was overwhelming for her. So I acted as "executive assistant." I researched the deadlines and admissions requirements for her schools and put them into a spreadsheet. She could deal with this amount of information. She made all the decisions (within our financial constraints), did the apps herself (OK, I filled in the standard family stuff), wrote her essays herself, etc. And she stayed off CC!

And for most teenagers, the more a parent nags, the less she'll do.

Remember that even if she "blows" the summer assignments, she'll still do well. And she'll still be able to find a college she'll love that will love her and at which she'll excel.

Relax.

[smoda61]

^ I also acted as "executive assistant". There was no reason to waste her energy on data entry and such.

[mdoc]

I think Marian may have hit the nail on the head. I also think, based solely on my experiences with other people's kids, as mine aren't there yet, that this is pretty typical senior year behavior - they seem to have personality transplants and become less agreeable and less likely to do what we want. My best friend, who has just been through senior year with her daughter, says it must be nature's way of making the separation easier. She went from crying at the thought of her daughter going off to college to counting the days when she can push the monster out the door.

I'd just let your D do as she will. She knows what needs to be done and has a good track record in school. I doubt that reading the newspaper over the summer is going to make a lick of difference in her college choices or her life in general.

[mmaah]

Welcome to her/your senior year. We empathize. My view is that the AP teacher sets these expectations very high in hopes some kids will do them--and it generates a kind of contagious anxiety that is good for no one (except maybe the teacher who will have some stars in the fall to set the pace for the pack). It is the last summer of high school. These are still kids. Unless she has her heart set on some school for which these scores are the be-all--I would say back off. Nagging is no fun for anyone. Realistically, her social development is also important. You want a child to go off to college feeling competent in many ways. No one thrives in life because of their CR score. (I also commend trying the ACT test;I believe it is a better measure and some kids who are not test-strong do much better on ACT than SAT.

My kids were entirely resistant to any college "prepping", only did college vists with reluctance and at the last moment. Applications were made ED at the final hour.(But done entirely on their own; I provided snacks and proofreading.) Both were accepted. Made me crazy (this forum both helped in the process and made me anxious, so accept that every family does this differently and you have to find your own path that is right for her) Give her some leash and she will lead you.

Teachers intentions are good, but don't let them ruin family time which will soon be even less. Give her the responsibility and then put on the duct tape. It is SO hard. But this is the time for them to step up and show you and themselves how they are going to do this next step and beyond. We can model how to organize and support implementing things--but beyond that we are interfering in their development I think. And remember: There are LOTS of colleges that will want your child as a student.

[esobay]

OP ... I vote with the BACK OFF crowd. Your DD is fine. I also send sympathy, because been there, done that. DD top student (literally, val) We never nagged her to do stuff, we yelled at her to STOP doing stuff and go to bed. Did she pick a college summer after JR. year? NO. Did she look at the common app during the summer? NO. Did she do the summer reading. NO. She needed a break and took it.

She still got into a good school. She didn't do the summer reading for college much in advance either, but skimmed the book on the plane. She said she'd read more than most of her freshman seminar group.

A driven, great kid like yours CAN go off the rails, but usually I see a flame-out complete change. She is just taking a well-deserved break.

Oh, and my D finished her last college app at 11 pm on the day they were due, leaving me to franticly try to get through the servers to pay. I paid Harvard twice because I wasn't sure that it got in (and they never sent a refund for the extra. They also rejected DD so now I hate them ... jk).

[UCLA Band Mom]

Maybe the original poster should "nag" the school instead of nagging her daughter. Assigning massive amounts of homework over the summer is abusive. Colleges don't do this, so neither should high school AP classes.

[sax]

Actually, maybe the daughter can learn a great college skill this summer. Sometimes you just do enough to get by because you do not have the time to do it all

[geek_mom]

One more vote for "back off." You say she's been out of school for just two weeks? I think she's to be commended for having read part of The Odyssey already (geek_son, reading over my shoulder, said, "Dear God, congratulate the girl!"). Let her have some decompression time.

And reading the newspaper -- huge waste of time in my book. If critical passage reading is the goal, give her a stack of magazines on a favorite topic. If general vocabulary is the goal, let her read murder mysteries or some other novels she finds interesting (Mary Higgins Clark and Dean Koontz use plenty of "tone" words). If she has to have an essay done by 8/18, give her a nudge on 8/1.

College will become more real to her after she's set foot on some campuses; if she falls for one of them, she will find the motivation to prep for those tests and work on the applications. In the meantime, you can assuage your parental neurosis (which most of us share) by taking on the "executive assistant" role some parents have mentioned here. You might consider making a spreadsheet that lists her ECs -- dates participated, hours per week, positions held, awards received. This will help her fill out her applications later. And/or you might ask for her list of colleges and emphasize in the asking that you're not going to burden her, but you'd like to take some of the burden off her shoulders by getting the deadlines figured out, researching contacts and requirements, and other such administrivia that doesn't require her "personal touch." Map out the available test dates based on the college requirements (ACT, SAT retake, SAT subjects?) and the application deadlines (including deadlines for merit aid consideration). Then set a date with her, perhaps at the end of your college visit vacation, to go over the milestones together. She'll probably appreciate having a roadmap to help make some sense of the application season.

geek_son found the college search process completely overwhelming and mostly didn't want to look or even think about it in junior year. College meant leaving home, which meant responsibility and the unknown, which made him nervous. He also refused to consider any further standardized testing. Then he fell in love with a college on our summer road trip and became engaged in the process. The difference? He could see himself there. (So could they -- he submitted his application ED and was done with the process in December.)

[wis75]

It must be nearly unaminous- back off. She's been doing the work, and successfully.

I do not think AP teachers should even dream of assigning summer work- it ca all easily be done during the assigned school year (around here AP exams are a month before the end of the school year). It is fine to give "suggested" topics for those looking to avoid boredom. The best students don't need the extra time. Someone made the point about college classes being the 15 weeks plus finals- AP courses are doable in the allotted school year/semester. Students who can't handle them in the allotted time perhaps should rethink their college ambitions- they won't have time to do the course's work before it starts then.

Newspapers now are a lot less worthwhile than years ago- online info is the way to go.

[ellemenope]

Some of my college classes hit the ground running as soon as that first class period began back in my day. How was I to know that the professor had a little note on his door that said, "Read Chapter 1 and be ready to discuss on first day of class"? (This was back in the day before email or web sites.)

[ellemenope]

I wouldn't nag about her not reading the daily newspaper. Maybe there are other magazines that she would read instead that would discuss world/national topics.

You can't expect one summer of "critical reading" to raise scores. In the alternative, maybe going over xiggi vocab lists will have to do.

[geek_mom]

One thing I meant to add before... her strength in college applications will be in her twelve years of preparation. Not just her last summer as a kid. Adcoms aren't going to look at her very solid academic record and say, "Yeeees, BUT! did she read the newspaper last summer?"

[historymom]

Just raising my hand in agreement with esobay geek-mom and all of those who are advising you to lighten up and listen to your husband. The most important part of your daughters equation here is to raise those SAT scores.

Junior year is over so her admissions profile GPA wise is in place now focus on the SAT prep. Show her what it took SAT wise to get into her favorites and do what you can to help her improve her SAT scores. But be low key. My D did on online course through Petersons and raised her CR by 50 and her Math by 90. She did it on her own time maybe spending a half hour to 45 min at a time. She could have worked harder at it and had even better results but we were pleased with her results the 2nd time around.

The teacher encouraging the students to read a newspaper is fine but as Capt Barbosa said, it's "...more of a guideline." Your D clearly knows how to take care of business and has done so beautifully. Enjoy ths summer together and allow her her down time she has earned.

[LazyBum201]

First, newspapers are written for a rather low level of reader and not the best way to learn vocabulary or fine writing skills in my view. That said, if newspaper reading is a goal, how about making it more interactive? Rather than just read the newspaper, have her see if she can RESPOND to something in the paper and get a letter to the editor published? We never suggested this to our son, but when he was 9, he read an article in our local paper about a teen who was pulled over at the same time as some man driving on a license that had been suspended for four years and the dispatcher or whoever ran the license check for the officers switched the information for the two and the teen ended up spending a night in jail due to it while the other guy was let free. Our son said, "This makes no sense as you have to be 16 to get a license in our state and so there is no way the teen could have been on a license suspended for four years already. How did the officer not realize this given that he had the teen's birthday information right on the license?" He decided to write a letter to the editor about this, hoping the police might read it and "get a clue" (not that he noted this in his letter) and not put any other innocent teens through such an ordeal. Now when the editor read the letter, she did call the house in disbelief (our son gave his age in his letter, feeling if he could realize the issue at 9, an officer should be able to have caught the lack of logic in thinking a teen would be driving with a license that was suspended for four years, and I think the teen was also only 17, making it all the more obvious, though I am not positive); she said she didn't believe a child had written it as we live in a very well-educated area (more graduate degrees in the adult population than anywhere else in the USA, I think) and most of her letters to the editor from adults aren't as well written. Once she heard our son was in college at 9 (he had won awards for his verbal and math SAT scores from a talent search he took part in at age 8 and those scores no doubt helped him to get accepted into college at 8), she believed our son wrote it and went ahead and published it.

If she isn't into getting published in a newspaper, maybe she would like to play "editor" and see how many errors (logical, grammatical, spelling, factual, whatever) she can find. You could make a game of it and see who can find the most errors in 30 minutes or something.

You could try putting newspapers in the bathrooms. People often read what is left in bathrooms, especially if they see something marked (highlighted, cut out, whatever).

Have you tried reading articles to her at breakfast or lunch, or discussing them at dinner? Rather than just read them straight through, pause at times where you have feelings on what you are reading yourself and ask questions about her own thoughts on the material. If this isn't just a chore to do on her own but something where people are getting to know one another better and learn from one another, it could be more enjoyable for her. The key is really to have reading be something enjoyable to her such than she *wants* to do it rather than something she is feeling she *has* to do.

You can also ask her to put herself in the parent role and ask, "If you had a child whom you felt would benefit greatly from reading the newspaper, what would you do to try to help your child have an interest in reading the newspaper?"