How much to push a school because of $?

dufay · 07-24-2009, 10:18 AM

My S goes on this CC and finds my posts. Sigh. Anyway- he has a very good chance of getting in ED at local Ivy. I get a very large tuition discount= big savings. I would not have him live at home. His dad (we're divorced) may/may not help pay for college (not obligated to in our state). Should I "force" him to go or should he uber-reach for an Ivy that will cost much more?

thumper1 · 07-24-2009, 11:01 AM

Quote:

he has a very good chance of getting in ED at local Ivy. I get a very large tuition discount= big savings. I would not have him live at home.

Are you saying you have a large discount at an Ivy that is close to you?

I guess I have to say...your SON is going to college. He does need to have a hand in the college selection process. BUT if you have financial restrictions on his applications, then you need to sit down and discuss this with him NOW. In other words, if finances are going to be a deal breaker when it comes time to choose a college to attend, it's better to know that NOW than to face that as a surprise later.

Re: that Ivy and ED...I would only suggest that your son apply to that college ED if it is absolutely his favorite school and he wants to attend it above any other college he would considering applying to. Otherwise...have him apply RD and see how the chips fall.

If he is a competitive admit for any Ivy, he likely has the stats for some merit aid that would lessen the financial blow to you..at some lesser known schools.

In any event...he should have a well rounded list from both a financial and acceptance point of view. In other words, he needs school on his list that he will likely get accepted at (matches), will definitely get accepted at (safety...and he should LOVE his safety), and schools where it's a crapshoot whether he'll be accepted (reaches). And if finances are a consideration...1. don't apply ED. 2. make sure there is at least one school on the list that will be affordable for the family AND that DS would be very happy to attend.

Cardinal Fang · 07-24-2009, 11:04 AM

Could you clarify here? Are we actually talking about Ivies, or is that shorthand for private schools in general? I don't understand why a student who is expected to be accepted at one actual Ivy early decision would think of another Ivy as an uber-reach.

Anyway, I'll repeat the standard advice: give your son a budget before he applies. Tell him how much you are willing to pay. If you are willing to pay more for Prestigious U than for Directional State, tell him that. If you have a fixed budget for his total education, and are willing to let him apply any undergraduate tuition savings to grad school tuition, tell him that. Then let him make his application and acceptance decisions accordingly.

Northstarmom · 07-24-2009, 11:34 AM

I agree with Cardinal Fang: Give your S now the financial parameters and any other restrictions on his college selections, then let him apply and make his choice.

kayf · 07-24-2009, 11:54 AM

I'ld have to go further, not only tell him what the difference is, but explain to him what the payments on any loans would be.

MiamiDAP · 07-24-2009, 12:35 PM

I woud push 100%. Paying tons for UG is not worth it, particularly, since he will be at Ivy anyway.

NewHope33 · 07-24-2009, 03:06 PM

Dear Abby,

My H can (legally) get a brand new top-of-the-line Mercedes for a ridiculously low price ... (think half off). But he really wants a Bentley. To do this he wants to cash in his retirement account. What do you think? Should I support this, or force him to drive around in his S500 thinking "what might have been?"

heyalb · 07-24-2009, 03:46 PM

^^ I think you mean "Dear Suze" (as in Orman). And her answer would be "he can't afford it, girlfriend!!"

JHS · 07-24-2009, 04:25 PM

If you do push, you won't be the first or the last to do it. Our "local Ivy" has lots of students who applied ED because they were pretty sure that it was their best financial option, including because of their parents' tuition discounts. Some are thrilled with that, others somewhat grudging, but by the end of their first semester they all seem to be equally gung ho about the place.

Some parents -- with spouses, or parents/in-laws, who DO contribute -- will leave it up to the kid, with financial parameters, as discussed above. That works fine, too, assuming that there ARE some realistic financial parameters that can be set.

I'm a big fan of putting some space between a kid and his hometown for college, but not to the extent of spending a whole lot of money you don't have.

jonri · 07-24-2009, 05:31 PM

Do you get a discount at any other Ivies? My kid had some friends who were the children of academics and they got discounts at other schools too. It wasn't as much of a discount, but it was still a whopping discount.

If you haven't checked this out yet, do so ASAP.

mdoc · 07-24-2009, 06:19 PM

I wouldn't "push" the school, because it's his college career and it may not be the school for him. However, I would let him know that I was not prepared to pay more for another school than I was for this one (assuming that's the case, and if it were me that WOULD be the case). I'd let him know what the shortfall would be at his uber reach school and what the loan payments would be (assuming he could get a sufficient loan). And if you think it's necessary for him to apply ED to get into the local Ivy, then I'd make that very clear as well. Then I'd back off and let him make his decision with all the facts in hand.

mom60 · 07-24-2009, 07:13 PM

I think each family has to answer a question like this depending on their individual circumstances. If you have other children did you give them choices? Can you afford the other schools or would you and your son need to go into large debt?
I have a friend whose husband teaches at a Christian College. Her D could attend his school tuition free. She also could use a tuition exchange program at some other schools. Her D is a top student interested in some liberal arts sort of major. Her D will be a senior and is pretty much looking at 2 schools that she would be a slam dunk admit with her stats. For the last few yrs we have talked about whether they would let her apply anywhere or limit her to Christian schools with the tuition exchange. 2 yrs ago the answer was wherever she wanted to go. Now the answer is her D feels her faith is the most important thing in her life and wants a Christian student body. The parents also feel with the economy being what it is they are not willing to pay for a school outside the exchange. They have no desire to have her expand her list beyond a few schools. At one of her top picks she would also get free room and board due to the local school being more quite a bit more expensive. My friend feels they are foolish to push any other schools such as the Claremont Colleges which would cost them much more.

hmom5 · 07-24-2009, 08:09 PM

A few years ago my thinking would have been it was OK to stretch, let the kids go where they want. But I'm assuming you work for a university and are not rich. In this crazy global economy all bets are off. Conserve your cash. If you can get a significant discount at a quality college I wouldn't pay a cent more for any other.

rocket6louise · 07-25-2009, 12:20 AM

if you're paying for college(god bless you if you are. I wouldn't for my kid, and my parents won't for me), you have every right to push him where you want him

Its your money....not his

college_query · 07-25-2009, 09:56 AM

I wouldn't push ED, but definitely push applying. We were in a similar situation - due to my university employment I qualified for half off tuition for my daughter at the public university where I work. Daughter wanted to go out of state. We let her apply to the schools she wanted but insisted she also apply to the school where I work. We told her it was HER decision and HER debt. She decided to attend the local university once she compared what her loans would be (also living on campus). However, after she made the decision, one of her wait-listed schools called her last month with an offer and incredible financial aid (they meet full need) so it's actually a better deal than the local university. We are all happy - she gets to go to the school of her dreams, and doesn't feel that I pressured her - once she saw the bottom line she realized why I insisted she apply.