How is your Freshman adjusting? - Page 2

Kinderteacher · 08-30-2009, 07:01 PM

Thank you so much ny...we are agonizing for him, encouraging him to keep trying while investigating if it's possible to transfer for the spring. There are so many positives at his school that he will not find anywhere else but ultimately he has to be happy and know that he fits in.....

njmom · 08-30-2009, 07:11 PM

Kinderteacher- my son will be a senior at Wake Forest, born and bred N.J. boy. He has had the greatest time at Wake- made lots of friends from very diverse backgrounds. I hope your son learns from the nice roommate and the friends he has already found about how nice a place Wake is- and not from rumors about a "Wake ideal" -if that were true, we would not have met his many friends of different religions and areas, including India, Saudia Arabia, Canada, Maine, Long Island and the very nice North Carolina Baptist boys he counts among his closest friends. Best of luck.

Kinderteacher · 08-30-2009, 07:20 PM

Good to hear, nj. While the lack of diversity and the looks he has gotten when he says he is Jewish are most troubling, that is not his only complaint, just the one he knows that his dad and I will sympathize with. He is also upset that there isn't a whole lot going on except for the frat scene. I keep telling him to wait until sports and clubs are going strong. And his roommate absolutely hates it, which can't be helping matters any. But I will remain hopeful that things will improve, because it is a beautiful school and the people that we met were all very friendly and his classes are small and good......

nysmile · 08-30-2009, 07:33 PM

Kinderteacher: hang in there. Encourage him to focus on his academics and shoot for a strong gpa. This will give him options if he does decide to send out transfer applications. Also encourage him to get to know some of his professors--go to office hours even if it's just to say hello and talk. Not only will he need professor recs for transfer applications, but the professors can be a great resource during the transition phase.

Give it some time. Be encouraging and try to let him handle things on his own. Try not to react to his venting. In a few weeks, he may have a different outlook about the school. The only suggestion I would make is that if he is considering the idea of a possible transfer, he should send a couple of applications out sooner rather than later. This will give him options in the Spring or Fall.

Kinderteacher · 08-30-2009, 07:48 PM

Thanks again, ny. This is exactly what we said to him earlier, and he is very good at establishing relationships with his teachers. His schedule is not that heavy so he should do well.(hopefully!!) We are also concerned about the possibility of having housing difficulties if he transfers for spring. I almost feel that he is starting to like it more but has his mind set that he doesn't want to stay. I'm hoping that he will turn around and decide to stay, but he's already looked at the online apps and knows what he has to do to apply...

khsstitches · 08-30-2009, 07:49 PM

Kinderteacher - is there a Hillel House there or nearby? Maybe not and I understand that, but perhaps something nearby? How about a club that interests him? When a friend's D was having horrible roommate issues and adjustment problems someone told her to go to something familiar - for her it was the ice arena (she was a highly accomplished figure skater). That, and working with the RA on the roommate stuff, started to help. If he has had a passion for something can he connect with it at Wake? Club sports, music, theater, whatever. It truly is a wonderful place and there is diversity - it may not jump out at him right away.

njmom · 08-30-2009, 07:52 PM

Kinderteacher- My son is not a drinker, nor does he belong to a fraternity. You are so right about clubs and sports starting up- he was on intramural flag football, ballroom dancing, Model UN,student government and a few more. Ultimately, he had to cut out ballroom dancing for lack of time! The academics are top-notch, and even the best students will need to leave plenty for time for studies. I am going to ask my son to PM you, and maybe you can pass it on to your son if he wants to talk to a more experienced student who also felt a little misplaced at first. I feel bad about the roommate not liking it either- especially if he has a "I don't fit in the south" mantra. As you and I know from life experience, people are people everywhere, good and bad. Again, I truly hope it works out, and I will call my son about PMing you!
P.S>Also, if your son loves sports, it seems EVERYONE comes out to root for the Demon Deacons- and then they "bond" over the "rolling of the quad."

Kinderteacher · 08-30-2009, 07:58 PM

Yes, there is a Hillel, but his complaint is not that he feels the need to be around other Jewish students; rather that he does not want to be associated with a school where there is racism. (his words, not mine, and he did give me specific examples)
He's played soccer all his life but chose not to play in college so that he could concentrate on academics--we expect that he will play intramurals and he did play in a pick-up game the other day. I do think that once the clubs get started he will be happier. He's so conflicted right now and we feel so helpless just telling him to hang in there, make an effort, give it time but I know that's all we can do for him. Just sort of breaks my heart, because he's such a great kid, zillions of friends, got along great with teachers, dream school.....this is not what I was expecting..

Kinderteacher · 08-30-2009, 08:17 PM

But, I guess I should add that there are ignorant people everywhere, and just because he may have encountered some narrow-minded students does not mean that the vast majority of the people there aren't open, accepting and friendly. I do hope that my DS can find some like-minded nice, kind people and enjoy himself.

nysmile · 08-30-2009, 08:26 PM

sent you a pm

Knights09 · 08-30-2009, 08:26 PM

Quote:

he does not want to be associated with a school where there is racism

Good luck anywhere... There are racists at every school in the United States..

Kinderteacher · 08-30-2009, 08:41 PM

I guess coming from an area where his high school probably had what, 50 countries represented, having good friends of every race, religion around, did not prepare him for this.....

ebeeeee · 08-30-2009, 08:46 PM

My son from CA was shocked at how racist some of the students at his school in Boston were. Being from CA he has Hispanic friends and knows the Hispanic culture. He has a lot of respect for them and was very offended by some of the racist comments other people made to him about other cultures. He is a very Irish looking freckled kid so people seem to be comfortable being racist around him (at least the first time and then he blasts them).
There are racists at every school... and great people at every school.
Hopefully he will give it time.
Galwaymom-hoping your son is better soon. I can't imagine how you feel.
sk8rmom-I was worried about teary phone calls from my DD but so far I haven't had any. It seems like she is having some bumps with adjusting but she hasn't shared them with me. Not sure if that's good or bad....

nysmile · 08-30-2009, 08:58 PM

Good luck and I hope everything works out for your son.

Kinderteacher · 08-30-2009, 09:06 PM

Thanks to all. It is so helpful to have this site to share and discover that we are not alone. I appreciate everyone's advice so much.
And Galwaymom, I'll be thinking good thoughts for your son.
It never does get easier being a parent, thank goodness the rewards are so worth it!