Need during-HS gap year ideas for bright, failing son

[TearingMyHairOut]

"This is it, in a nutshell. A bright student with inattentive ADD has trouble with time management and paper management. Forgets deadlines? Papers crumpled up in backpack? Room looks like a tornado hit it? Sometimes does homework but forgets to hand it in? Trouble managing multiple deadlines for different classes? Always late? Exceptional ability to concentrate on something he likes for hours? Can't get started on some routine task that would take five minutes if he only got going? Can't manage a longterm assignment (like a paper) that requires the student to break the task up into parts and do them over a period of time? These are signs of inattentive ADD."

Have you been spying on this house, CardinalFang?

[PRJ]

TMHO - my thoughts exactly!

Cardinal Fang - I had no idea you knew my D (or had seen her room )!

[SDonCC]

I didn't realize how big an issue the crumpled papers in the backpack and messy room was until this year when my son (thanks to an "academic coach") now has all notebooks for each subject color coded; he does daily housekeeping to put papers in files; and his desk is cleared so that ONLY school work is allowed on it (this last rule is beginning to slip...). His room is still pretty much a mess, but the rest of the stuff seems to be working.

We also have been doing by trial and error figuring out the best work planner system for him; because he was getting daily assignments done, but totally forgetting about the longer term assignments that were required for one class. Instead of the school planner, I bought him a calendar that has a daily and weekly visual that he can see at once.

He also each night now writes down the time he plans to spend on each assignment, and he's working on gauging the actual time with the expected time. This is because he has a "hyperfocusing" issue where he gets very caught up in minutiae (a strength and a weakness - because it's part of his ability to think so deeply, but it also makes it hard to get things done!).

I have to say that it has been a long process to get us this far. The first step was finding a coach (I hate to say tutor because that's not really what it is) who helped him "own" the need to seek help and to change. He tied it into his own sense of himself and his goals. For my son, this resonated with him, because he was missing out on some of the advanced class placements in which he belonged.

[SDonCC]

the other bit of advice that our coach gave was that it takes about six weeks to establish a new habit. This has been very helpful both in terms of seeing it as a manageable issue and in terms of my son making it work. For example, there was a week when it wasn't convenient for him to get to the coach, but he insisted on going because he was in that six week window when he was adapting to new habits and wanted to go in for the reinforcement.

[SDonCC]

Boy, did I just give out alot of free advice that has cost us a fortune!! :-)

Although, my son's working with a professional and not getting nagged by mom probably made it more effective. :-)

[SodiumFree]

SDonCC, how did you find your coach?

[Cardinal Fang]

How did you find the coach, SDon? We have another student working with my son at college, but the organizational coaching doesn't seem to be happening as well as I'd like.

[mom60]

CardinalFang described two of my children. With the 1st we did all the testing, worked with the educational coach twice a week. Unfortunately what we found with our son was that he had a hard time translating what he was learning with the coach to being able or willing to make the changes to do it on his own. All the testing in the world and coaching will not change the educational outcome if the student is not willing to put in the hard work to make the changes. The same applies to accommodations in HS and in College. If the student is not willing to ask for help and use the resources available they are no help. The best program in the world will not work if the participant is not willing to do some hard work to change their behaviors.
With my youngest we thought about the testing. In the end we decided that she was not going to be willing to make the changes and to save the money. (we already had previous old testing and knew she had LD and ADD) With her we have seen that she is not willing to take the steps to get the A. She wanted a tutor who would help her with some of her subjects but more so with getting organized and executive functioning. We found a grad student. The student came over and they set up notebooks with tabs, assignment white board, a desk and HW area in a separate room with all the supplies at hand. They also made a filing system for returned work. They talked about the importance of having everything ready and in the backpack the night before and the backpack at the door. This being a good way to avoid getting to school and not having the HW or paper. They also talked about not studying in the cyclone of D's bedroom. The novelty of being organized worked for about 3 weeks. Now when the tutor comes they work in the designated study area but every other night my D is back working in her bedroom with papers and textbooks scattered all over the room.
Cardinal Fang- you might ask around. My SIL works as a behavioral coach. She is a former teacher who has a counseling masters credential from the state of Ca, she also has completed her PhD in psychology but is not licensed as a therapist. She gets her referrals from a couple of psychologists who specialize in educational testing and from several psychiatrists.

[Cardinal Fang]

Not sure how to ask around, Mom60. Fang Jr is 2000 miles away, in college.

[SDonCC]

I used a local tutoring company, that has people who work as subject tutors or as coaches, for those kids whose problems are not learning the information but in getting the work done. I agree with mom60, that the kid has to be willing to make changes. My son was ready to do so, but, again, the first coach helped him become willing to accept the necessary help. I also have an older son who was not, but I also did not find him the best help, either at the time, although he insists that even if I did, it wouldn't have helped him....... He's also a "twice exceptional."

My younger son also really wants to be in a challenging academic environment and to be able to succeed in college without mom's nagging....While I'm a bit angry at how he fell through the cracks in our school, it actually was probably the best thing for him in the long run that he wasn't in some of the right placements. He never again wants to be in a classroom where the teachers say that they want to hear from someone else besides him during discussions. He learned that it's okay to get help, instead of sweeping things under the rug that he didn't want to deal with. This is a great life lesson.

[mom60]

Cardinal Fang- a couple of places to start might be:
1. The disabilities office of the college
2. The counseling department which is often part of the student heath center. My SIL did part of her thesis work at a community college.

[Cardinal Fang]

The counseling office at his college has been *extremely* helpful. I'm probably just venting because Fang Jr has not made miraculous strides in the six weeks he's been in college. I don't know why I expect miracles; he is in fact adjusting quite well. His room is still a toxic waste site, but he's getting all his papers in on time.

[markbright2]

No miracles, it's a slow improvement. Our son can only handle 12 credits a term so usually does summer session. These kids do well with accelerated summer/winter sessions: less time to lose things and procrastinate.

Of course, he loses his keys, loses his meal ticket. I sent confidential emails to his advisor warning him of son's disorganization/procrastination/ADD so he would understand him a bit better.

My son called home to trumpet "Dad, I studied for a test for 6 hours, I was, like hallucinating after that." My thought was "I studied 6 hours most days, when's he going to get it?" But my next thought was to remember that in high school this boy might not have studied for a class 6 hours a semester.

Keep a long-term perspective.

[bluealien01]

My son called home to trumpet "Dad, I studied for a test for 6 hours, I was, like hallucinating after that." My thought was "I studied 6 hours most days, when's he going to get it?" But my next thought was to remember that in high school this boy might not have studied for a class 6 hours a semester.

Does he mean 6 hours a day, or 6 hours total at one time though?

[markbright2]

6 hours total for that test, done the night before. For this boy and others with ADD, deadlines are the starting point, not the end. Baby steps, baby steps....