Need during-HS gap year ideas for bright, failing son

[owlice]

Yo! Nice time to hit this thread; thanks, PRJ!

Yes, my son is at Simon's Rock; I'm leaving shortly for Parents' Weekend there.

High school is great for some kids, but many schools do not serve the highly-gifted population well. My son was in a competitive-entry science/tech program (17% admit rate, lower than many colleges!) and some of his classes were just horrible -- a waste of time. My kid didn't even drop out of high school; he was too young to do so. He simply didn't return.

(We had told the school -- principal, GC, etc., -- that our son would NOT be returning to the school back in June. Usually a kid is unenrolled at the school if the kid never picks up his schedule. Of course this year, the school had hundreds of kids show up the first day who didn't have schedules because of problems with the new computer system for assigning schedules; it took a couple of weeks before all kids had schedules. When mid-quarter grades came out, I got a phone call from the school asking where my son was, as none of his teachers had seen him and he had all failing grades so far. Since no truancy officer had shown up on my doorstep, I'd assumed the school had figured things out. They had not. I was not surprised, and was somewhat amused, but also, very very glad my son was out of that school! But I digress....)

Your son may much prefer online courses; for some courses, such as math, he could get credit just by taking the chapter tests, midterm, and final. If he can do those without getting into the lecture/learning stuff, it's a quick way for credit. CTY/EPGY and I'm sure other organizations offer self-paced online courses. You might look into those for him for right now. They can be a little expensive, but if you sign him up for three months of math, for example, he can take as much as he wants in that three months.

I'm happy to talk about Simon's Rock, but it'll have to be next week because I really have to get on the road here! You are welcome to email me at my moniker at hotmail.com, or PM me.

I leave you with pictures of SR; I took these just before Columbus Day: Simons Rock pictures by owlice1 - Photobucket

[meezermom2]

I would second testing for things like ADD and Aspergers. Unfortunately as others have said under achievement with very high IQ can be a huge life long problem. I think you need to contact any resource you can think of for guidance. I would include all the universities that have gifted programs and magnet math/science high schools. You might not be able to get him into any of these schools but perhaps they could suggest books, websites, and/or other resources to help you. I don't think homeschooling is the route to take. He would not have the socialization with his peers plus would you feel qualified to teach him and would he do the work for you?

[PRJ]

You're welcome owlice Have a great weekend. Nice pics BTW.

OP - I forgot to mention this: we did try an online accelerated math class for D, which I thought was going to be perfect for a bright, bored kid. but even that didn't work - she couldn't motivate herself to do the work and missed being around her peers. again, maybe not relevant for your situation, but perhaps helpful for other parents. it was expensive, a huge hassle to persuade the HS to let her do the online class, frustrating to see her not take advantage of it, and then a challenge to ask the HS to let her back into the regular class midyear.

[geomom]

I've known several different boys that remind me of you son.

#1. First met him when he came over for a playdate with DS at the beginning of first grade. He picked up the Wall Street Journal, started reading from it fluently, out loud, and then asked me questions about leveraged buyouts. Fast forward nine years: he had a profitable computer services business, but is barely passing 10th grade. Solution: takes the GED, passes, starts community college where he can choose his classes and hours, gets a high level techie job, and thrives. Transfering from community college to Berkeley.

#2. Started reading philosophy when he was 13. By 15 is corresponding with prominent philosophers. In danger of failing in high school. Starts taking university philosophy classes with a reduced high school schedule -- much happier. Finishes high school and segues into undergrad career at same university.

#3. Avid, avid reader. Won't do assignments. Parents try many different schools, testing, etc. They try a military academy. Kid loves it and thrives. I have no idea how to explain this.

[fineartsmajormom]

My brother was in a similar situation after taking a lot of drugs in early high school. He felt he had burned his bridges and didn''t want to try to get decent grades his senior year. My parents called a small, LAC in Kentucky. They found someone in admissions who agreed to take him for the day to tour, go to classes and experience the college and then the admissions officer told him...if you make a complete turnaround this year...show what you really can do...you can come to this school. The fantastic test scores showed the latent ability/intelligence...kid had to show his ability to take control and step up...worked like a charm. I would do it...at SR or at any other very small school that I could afford ... there are a thousand of these schools .... you don't care about college at this point..you want him to be motivated to do something, anything. He needs someone, other than his parents, to tell him..you are valuable, we want you, but you have to show us that you can do your part. Good luck.

[DougBetsy]

OP, have you considered something like Intercept Program for At-Risk Teens by Outward Bound

[Gwen Fairfax]

My brother was a lot like this, and my nephew as well. Both managed to graduate from high school, got fairly low level jobs, and moved up, up up thanks to their talents and abilities. Both are doing quite well now. School isn't the place for some people--they need more hands-on challenges. (And imho, home schooling would be disastrous in such a case.)

An earlier poster asked the essential question-- what does HE want? If he knows, then what can you do to help him reach that goal? If he doesn't maybe he needs a good shrink-- not because there's anything really wrong, psychologically, but because he needs to sort through his motivational issues and decide what paths he might feel comfortable on-- and that is really hard to do with your parents at this age.

I hope it goes really well, he sounds like he has such great intellect!

[stradmom]

What Dinmor said.

This is not something you can plan for him; he needs to be taking the lead here.

[SDonCC]

I don't buy the so-bright-they're bored scenario at all. Many people who have extraordinarily high cognitive abilities are hampered by a serious deficiency in other brain functions, such as processing speed or other things that are necessary to organize and produce work. These type of people are "twice exceptional." The fortunate ones are those whose intellectual capacities are matched by the perceptual and processing skills as well and their output can match their input and instead of being "bored" they can be productive with their prodigious intellect.

[geomom]

You're never bored in a slow moving meeting where the discussion goes round and round and doesn't move forward? This is what school is like for a highly gifted kid in a regular classroom. It can be positively painful.

[fogfog]

2 cents for what its worth


Depending on your state,
he may be able to on-line classes..and then work in some vol programming or something that applys his giftings....

I think several great schools (MIT) have courseware online.

A classic symptom of our school system failing the kid--where a really reall bright kid drops out. In fact many of the kids who don't succeed in a traditional setting are very intellectually and creatively gifted (I know you have probably read everything on this)

Underlying things could be:

drugs
a social thing (girl)
internet p*rn addiction
being bullied at school
depression
sleep disorder
ADD


We just had our younger son tested-- he is very bright, gifted IQ, creative and a very kiniestic learner, very empathetic etc....
...but last yr (7th grade) ... it was going down the tubes...

Testing revealed that compared to his extraordinary IQ that his achievement was in the 20% percentile in all places...and he has a processing speed and VMI disability..and is at a low level for ADD...those disabilities were being masked by the high IQ.
The Psych who did the educational eval said its like a great car with a great engine but the shift and steering aren't working right...

So he is now using a laptop for written work (his handwriting is like a child in elementary--his brain wroks so hard to form letters/spell that he forgets thoughts)
so a laptop had greatly helped.
Also a low dose of a med has made his consistency and work porduct better. He got a report card yesterday ..made all Bs and 2 As....

Hugs to you.
I know you really care and are doing what you can to through him the life preserver.

[compmom]

-In our state, he could take the GED if he gets a letter from the high school stating that he has withdrawn, so check on that. As long as he is under 18, you have to go sign up with him for the test. He can take it this month, if there is room in the testing room for him.

-Online courses vary in content, format and difficulty, and also, there are both high school level and college level online courses available: look up educere.net for an umbrella organization; these courses may or may not work, depending, again as others have said, on your son's ability to be motivated and organized, and how much interaction he needs to learn

-look up North Atlantic Regional High School for another path to a diploma; it could also spark some creative ideas about activities There are other options like this too.

-Look into getting a full neuro-psych./educational assessment; it can be presented to your son in positive terms, as a way to find out his learning style, and help figure out the best path for the future; doesn't mean he has psych. issues but there may be some learning "difference" along with the giftedness, that it will be helpful to uncover (you' ve done some testing, so forgive me if this is redundant- if the testing you had done was not recent, maybe doing it again would help)

-Maybe just let him leave school and lie fallow for a bit...this may or may not work, but that is what I have done at different points with two out of 3 of my kids...one left in 7th grade and ended up working with a vernal pond team doing real science, did a lot of theater tech., and he also did a lot of tutoring...he graduated from a top college and is working in Silicon Valley, quite happy...

My daughter left school in kindergarten (no kidding!), 3rd grade and now 12th. School does not fit her and she does not fit school, period. She was evaluated in 3rd grade and it showed slow processing speed, huge gap between "verbal" and "performance", but services were refused because she was "doing well in class." She is engaged in performing arts and is happy to be finally doing what she loves without the burdens of school. She is getting her GED this month, at least we hope...and we will just have to see what develops.

Will he fall into a depression if he just comes out with no plans yet? Or can he use that space of time to explore interests and options and possible activities? Improvising a life from scratch can feel creative and is a good skill. Combining, say, a course, a job, and some fun activity with others.

CC can be a good solution, or taking college classes, but academic classes at traditional schools can sometimes bring the same problems for gifted kids, as high school. At least they are flexibly scheduled and do not involve being locked in a building though!

How about working with a mentor of some kind? Could be a professor. A lot of people take an interest in a kid like this.

He could look at schools that are less traditional, but the math and science aptitudes make that a little harder- a lot of those schools seem oriented toward humanities. Thinking of Marlboro, Bennington, Hampshire. Talk to the folks at Olin in Needham MA, which is for engineering and a unique environment. Also, low-residency schools like Goddard and Union Institute can be interesting, but require self-motivation. Still, give them a look.

I was browsing in a bookstore and saw this wonderful book about a Dad who allowed his son to come out of high school, at around the same age, with the condition that they would watch a movie together every week. Does anyone know the title? In that case, the kid worked in restaurants for a couple of years, and eventually went to college when he was truly interested. It was a great book- not sappy, very practical.

From your post, I think your son sounds like a very interesting person with a lot of potential. You sound like a great parent and advocate, supportive and understanding but also with the right touch of "tough love" and it sounds like you have been very thorough.

Without knowing you or your son, I have a feeling that things are going to work out. I would have faith in him and in yourself because it sounds like it is well-deserved. Just do what you know is right and stay on the path with him!

[campbellmom]

I would try and keep him on track to get a high school diploma or GED. At our kids' high school, you can graduate with straight D's--it is considered passing. With his intelligence, even with the problems with motivation, I would think he could pull of 60% in his classes. A friend of mine has a GED because she hated her senior year and withdrew from high school but got her GED. She went on to get her BA right afterward.

Home-schooling is an option, or on-line diploma, but you are right, he will miss out on his social world at high school. It just seems to me that not getting a high school diploma or GED might mean he won't do it later either. If he can achieve at least this, community college, vocational college, 4 year college, and further education is more probable in his future than if he were to drop out.

Plus what does he think of the idea of dropping out? What does he want to do?

[PRJ]

Look into getting a full neuro-psych./educational assessment; it can be presented to your son in positive terms, as a way to find out his learning style, and help figure out the best path for the future; doesn't mean he has psych. issues but there may be some learning "difference" along with the giftedness, that it will be helpful to uncover (you' ve done some testing, so forgive me if this is redundant- if the testing you had done was not recent, maybe doing it again would help)

good suggestions, compmom. this is exactly the way we presented the neuro-psych testing to D. I think she actually enjoyed the process and the results made her feel so much better about herself and her academic struggles. also, we did have her tested in elementary school and the results were negative (meaning no disability), so I concur with compmom - if the testing wasn't recent, do it again if you can.

[starbright]

Not a solution but some hope: Your son sounds IDENTICAL to a friend's son. Abysmal HS record, couldn't even get into CC. Such tough tough years for his family during that time.

He did however fall into a program (at the time- not sure if it still exists or who its good for as it was in the 90s) at U of Oregon that was a sort of conditional transitional year for kids who couldn't do HS but needed college. Long story short...he's now a practicing physician, an opthamologist.