HELP: CSU Kicking Student Out - Page 2

poetgrl · 11-02-2009, 03:47 PM

Could you imagine if the mother of this D, or the other D,were to find herself on this board right now? How surreal that would be.

mom60 · 11-02-2009, 05:22 PM

I think one of the biggest favors we can do for our kids is to let them live with the consequences of their actions. Fighting for her to stay in school would in my opinion be a mistake. But also bringing her home is not the answer if she is going to spend the time at home doing a bit of school, partying some with the CC friends and mixed in a bit of therapy. I would consider having her work and offering her room and board at home but no car or extras.
Another option- this is not one I would suggest if this was honestly a first time problem. A young friend of ours had a similar case, his family arranged for him to be admitted to a residential treatment center to work on issues of anger, drinking and possible depression. He arranged to have a letter from the treatment center and presented it to both the school judicial board and the county court. The letter stated he was admitted and would be entering inpatient therapy. In light of this the court gave him a reduction in charges to Disturbing the peace which required just a fine. The school gave him a reduction in time of the suspension if at the end of treatment he presented documentation that he had completed treatment.
From what I have seen the problem is usually worse than it appears.

thumper1 · 11-02-2009, 05:25 PM

What am I missing here? If criminal charges were filed against this girl, she NEEDS a lawyer.

marite · 11-02-2009, 05:36 PM

She also needs to focus on anger management, honesty, drunkenness, and maybe other issues as well. Being suspended is probably the best thing that could happen to her. She needs help--and not just the legal kind.

MidwestMom2Kids_ · 11-02-2009, 05:43 PM

The OP says "the other girl has filed criminal charges" so it is not 100% clear to me whether the D in question has been arrested/charged. If she has been, then of course, my goodness - she needs a lawyer to make sure she doesn't get actual jail time.

I think the one-year suspension is a generous offer for a student who was in a fight with another student, a fight in which the other person was hurt - especially since this is not the student's first offense. I hope the other person is punished, too. Two adults shouldn't think they can physically attack each other, with or without provocation ("she started it?!?!"), and have there be no ramifications.

ebeeeee · 11-02-2009, 05:48 PM

The OP posted that the criminal part has been handled in mediation. Given that information I revise my advice about getting a lawyer ASAP if the only purpose of the lawyer is to get the CSU to overthrow their decision on the one year suspension. Agree with mom60 on this one, let her live with the consequences of her actions.

MidwestMom2Kids_ · 11-02-2009, 07:19 PM

I need to work on my "close reading" skills.

hmom5 · 11-02-2009, 07:28 PM

ebeeeee has it right, both girls ended up filing charges against the other and the judge sent it to mediation. Neither family had a lawyer in court.

We don't know if the other girl is also being suspended. This family's issue remains the daughter being kicked out of school for a year and having this on her permanent record.

Mom60 brings up a good point, going home would probably mean hanging out with old high school friends, the same kind of partying and a few cc classes. A step backwards no doubt.

marite · 11-02-2009, 07:33 PM

How about she goes home and gets a job while also learning to deal with her anger, drunkenness, etc...? That is her family's responsibility, not the college's, nor the college's community's job to deal with this brat.

bluealien01 · 11-02-2009, 07:41 PM

Is this the same girl from your other thread?

menloparkmom · 11-02-2009, 07:45 PM

"This family's issue remains the daughter being kicked out of school for a year and having this on her permanent record"
Well, it strikes me that they are being very short sighted. If she does take a 1 year suspension, but ends up graduating from CSU, who is actually likely to ask her a few years from now "how long did it take you to get your degree? and why?" A future employer? There are LOTS of kids who for one reason or another are taking more than 4 years to complete their degree. Unless she is planning on applying to grad school in the future, it is very unlikely that her complete record, including the suspension, would be seen by anyone outside.

ebeeeee · 11-02-2009, 07:54 PM

A case in point, I had an employee who had a degree from a UC. I verified his degree before hiring. Found out later that he had taken a leave during his time in college. Likely it was due to a mental illness. Didn't come out when I called to verify the degree. They just confirm the degree itself..not the time frame.

hmom5 · 11-02-2009, 07:54 PM

Would a suspension not appear on a transcript? They seem to think future employers will see this.

ebeeeee · 11-02-2009, 08:02 PM

Future employers may or may not see a transcript...I have seen transcripts where a suspension didn't appear. Depends on the school. At this point in this young women's life it is a little late to worry about outward appearances. As many have stated before, she needs to get her drinking and anger issues under control now. Future employers would be the least of my worries...I would be focusing on keeping her out of jail and keeping her alive. This is not a good road she is going down. (I know you know this and are only trying to help...it's late and I'm ranting..)

europegrad · 11-02-2009, 08:19 PM

As a recent honor graduate who now attends Grad School, I would say that family should be thankful that criminal charges were handled to mediation instead of the DA's office.

Anyhow, I decided to comment here because I've read some comments suggesting that in a physical fight between two adults, the issue of "who has started it" would be significant. It is not - except in the context of self-defense, which in case case would mean leaving the fight, not fighting back -. College students, as young adults, MUST be able to hold the pressure no matter how hard they are pressured, provocated or having their boy/girlfriend cheating on them.

It's called civilized life: you don't release your anger just because something is not like you would like it to be. In this sense, it seems that anger management program is an indeed good pick for this troubled girls. I sincerely hope she'll get better and come back to college in shape.

I'd been familiar with a case of an acquitance of mine, not he most friendly guy in town but still a cool and down to earth guy who happened to date an ex-gilrfriend of a troubled (though not violent) kid in his college. In a given night, this acquitance take it to the means the public "stalking" of his gf's ex (used to insist to talk to her, never with violence or threats). The agressor (my acquitance) was barely spared from being expelled, and his parents - which I happened to know better than the guy btw - were taking his stance and insisting that "boys should be able to sort their things out". Better said then done when your son weighs 210 lbs. and is 6"1 tall.