HELP: CSU Kicking Student Out

hmom5 · 11-02-2009, 02:16 PM

A friend's daughter is being expelled from a CSU for a year following a fight in a fraternity house during which all involved were drunk. The other girl has also filed criminal charges against friend's DD.

No witnesses seem to want to get involved. Friend's DD, who does not have the best track record in terms of honesty and anger management, is saying the other girl started the fight.

Is this worth fighting? Do kids even win going before these judiciary committees when underage drinking was involved and bad behavior? DD already has discipline for drinking on her school record already.

If an attorney was to be hired, what kind?

Any advice appreciated.

RSBuletz · 11-02-2009, 02:24 PM

I'd say if she has an acknowledged history of honesty and anger management issues, let her take her medicine and experience some consequence for her actions. Besides, why keep her in that environment where drunkeness and fighting are probably the norm.

cartera45 · 11-02-2009, 02:26 PM

My question would be if this is something that they want to fight or is in the best interest of the kid to fight. Clearly, there are lots of issues that need to be worked out and maybe that environment is not best. Drinking and lying, escalating to fighting - I think I'd consider time off to get some things straight. Getting kicked out could be a blessing. Maybe someone can negotiate a leave of absence so she can work on her problems and return.

ebeeeee · 11-02-2009, 02:27 PM

Regardless of what happens with the CSU your post indicates criminal charges were filed. That would mean an immediate call to a lawyer if I were this girl's parent. I would find a lawyer who has a history of defending cases in the area of the CSU. He or she is likely to be connected to the system and may be able to plea bargain some anger management and probation for the girl.

oldfort · 11-02-2009, 02:28 PM

This is not the same girl who was fighting with her dad and his girlfriend, is it?

If it's not the first time, maybe she should leave the school to get her anger and drinking under control. I wouldn't to leave my daughter in school knowing she's got those issues. Next time it may not be in a fraternity, it maybe at a sleazy bar and she could be dead.

bluealien01 · 11-02-2009, 02:29 PM

Not to take the thread somewhat off topic, but what is with the popularity of drunkenness? I have never understood why this is something to be happy doing and be proud of.

2bizee · 11-02-2009, 02:31 PM

It is a great opportunity for parents to insist that she get treatment for her substance abuse, anger and/or depression, mood swings, anxiety disorder, etc. No treatment, no money for school. Time off from the CSU will underscore that they are serious.

SlitheyTove · 11-02-2009, 02:35 PM

If criminal charges are being filed, then the family should be hiring a local criminal attorney immediately. Is there any chance of a civil action for damages, as well?

Your friend should find out if CSU's policy on the expulsion depends on a criminal conviction and/or witness statements.

Anger management programs and/or cognitive behavior therapy should be considered. I realize that I'm spending a great deal of your friends' money, but their daughter could be involved in something far more serious Man sentenced to prison for killing USC film student -- latimes.com

kantianethicist · 11-02-2009, 02:39 PM

Seriously, girls fighting like they're on some stupid reality show? This is sad. Not to make light, OP, know you are upset because this is a friend's D, but I think this girl needs something more than a college education right now if this type of behavior is a pattern. I agree with cartera45, this could be a good thing for her--a chance to straighten herself out, before she gets out in the world and ends up getting arrested.

Maybe parents should try to negotiate suspension/probation rather than expulsion if she meets certain conditions--maybe anger management classes and alcohol education and some relevant community service. "Fighting" it -- the expulsion-- kind of suggests that the parents don't see anything wrong with this behavior. Even if the other girl did "start" the fight--it's still not ok.

Actions should depend upon what's most important for the D's well-being, and what will get the "best" result.

Stay strong. Be a good friend. I'm sure this is tough for the parents and for you.

hmom5 · 11-02-2009, 02:56 PM

As is typical, the parents want to believe their daughter. The school has 'informally' interviewed both girls and has chosen to believe the other girl.

I think I used the wrong word--what the school is offering is a one year suspension as a 'settlement'. This is what they would have to fight in a hearing to gain the right for her to remain at school.

The criminal part has been sent to mediation and the family is now less concerned about that part.

So their real issue is do the fight the one year suspension and bring an attorney in to help?

I am in full agreement that this young lady needs to suffer the consequences and get help for this problem that has been apparent to many for a long time. I personally would not fight the suspension, I'd bring her home to attend a CC and get real help. Of course the family is not ready to hear this....

Oldfort, no, many problem kids out there unfortunately.

SlitheyTove · 11-02-2009, 03:05 PM

hmom5, totally agree with you that fighting it is the wrong decision. The school ombudsperson might be able to suggest some resources for the parents, and might be able to gently suggest ways for the parents to come to terms with the situation.

What happens if it goes to judicial court at the school? Will the young woman be expelled? That's a lot of downside risk instead of taking the offer of a year's suspension.

cartera45 · 11-02-2009, 03:10 PM

When they say a year's suspension, do they mean that she can return Fall of 2010? I assume this semester is shot - even this far in and next semester off? Or does it mean reinstatement Spring 2010?

Shrinkrap · 11-02-2009, 03:23 PM

I Know this may not be answering your question, but while "drunkenness" is common," fighting", no matter who started it, not so much. Not the first time I've heard of it-at a CSU, but then I was hearing about it from my patients! I think a "time out" could be just as valuable as a year at a CSU, if the family uses it right. And I'd be wary of some of the court ordered anger management programs. The family should make sure they are getting what THIS girl needs; not just some protocol.

vinceh · 11-02-2009, 03:34 PM

She admits to being drunk, she admits to being in a fight, a fight severe enough that her combatant sought criminal charges that none of the witnesses sees fit to dispute.

Given the woman's history I think the best course of action is to accept the suspension but make sure she can restart in the fall of 2010. That would give the school its pound of flesh and the young woman time get help.

menloparkmom · 11-02-2009, 03:45 PM

"So their real issue is do the fight the one year suspension and bring an attorney in to help?"
ARE THEY NUTS? Sorry, but this family needs a big time reality check! A 1 year suspension, instead of an expulsion, is a very fair offer from CSU given the circumstances AND the D's prior record. If they choose to fight it, the offer would likely be withdrawn, the D expelled and then where would they all be?