Lost my motivation, am scared I'll never get it back

[muzicgirl89]

I did AWFUL this semester, but it's not a huge step down from the last one. Got a D in a math class I probably could've managed a B or C in out of pure hate for the work, and a B- in an easy B+ or A- honors class. Last semester I also got a C in another math class, and a B in an easy A class out of lack of will to go to discussion class. Of course, last semester I was pretty depressed, but I don't think that's the problem at all anymore. I HATE math and I've finally dealt with that (switching majors), so certainly I'm hoping to avoid Cs and Ds in the future, but that doesn't explain my seeming inability to gather up any motivation to do well in most of my other classes. They're not that bad of classes, and I used to be a pretty competitive A and B student. So....... What WRONG with me? I can't keep messing up like this; my GPA is already shot to hell and if it gets a lot worse I'm going to be disqualified for my future grants and current scholarships.

I guess my main problem is I almost never can/want to meet deadlines, at least not if they are deadlines in the short term and there are a lot of them (hw due next week, short writing piece due every other week, etc.). So, good work loses credit for being late. I know I'm disorganized, but I certainly don't forget about the assignments; I just plain avoid them for long period when they stress me out and I can't gather up the motivation. I also don't know what to do to MAKE myself wake up in the morning to attend class; I'm not a morning person, but there's no way I can avoid those type of classes.

Please help in any way you can; I feel like I'm destroying my future but I don't know how to stop myself.

['rentof2]

I'm sure there will be recommendations that you see a therapist and get medicated... but in advance of those, I'll suggest that maybe you just need to take a break from college. Maybe it's not meaningful enough to you right now.

Lots of people take a break and travel or work or just live life and then go back and finish when they're motivated and focused on that goal. I guess the grants and scholarships may be an issue for you, but if you're likely to lose them anyway... maybe it's not such an issue.

I don't know.... but lots of people do college in stages. It's not such a bad thing to spend all that effort and money at a time when you really want to be there and you really want to make the most out of the opportunities there.

[MidwestMom2Kids_]

Seeing a doctor or therapist is a good idea.
Considering a break from college is a good idea.

And focus on what you can control. Don't focus on the grades. Focus on the process: doing the assignments and going to classes and discussions sections, keeping up with your reading, studying for your tests more than just the night before each test.

In college, following this reasonable process doesn't always yield an A but that is okay. You do not have to be a straight A student in college, even if you were one in high school.

I'm sure other parents will have great suggestions for you - good luck. Keep us posted on how you are doing.

[SmithieandProud]

One question to ask yourself is why are you taking the classes you're taking? Do you even like them/are interested in them, or are you taking them due to general ed requirements or are you just taking them because you never put the serious hard thought into questioning what you might actually want and why? Maybe if you were in classes that inspired you, or you at least felt like you were working towards a definite goal (other than just a diploma) you might find your motivation again.

Tthe simple fact is that most college students, even the A+ ones, don't like getting up in the morning, and find it difficult to meet deadlines especially when things pile up. BUT they discipline themselves to do it, often because they have a goal in mind and they know they can't reach that goal without pushing themselves past the unmotivated part and into the "I have to do this now" frame of mind. That goal doesn't have to be a specific job, like say Neurosurgeon at X Hospital, but it can be a general idea: "I want to help people in the US live better, healthier, happier lives. And I can't do that unless I learn what makes them miserable and unhealthy in the first place".

If you can't figure out why you want a college diploma or why you want to learn about a certain subject, then maybe you should take time off until you can remember. Because if you're not working towards a goal, it's no wonder you're unmotivated. No one likes to just run on the neverending treadmill.

[PrincipalV]

At least you are motivated to get your motivation back--that can go a long way.

[Chedva]

Until you can see a therapist, you could try the "Just for today" method:

Just for today, I'll get up and get to class on time.
Just for today, I'll do the assignment that's due tomorrow.
Just for today, I'll put in 10 minutes to study for [whatever is longer term] - I mean, I can do anything for 10 minutes!
Just for today, I'll organize my notes.

Then tomorrow, you can do it again, just for tomorrow. Lose the thought of "But then I have to do it again 27 more times over the next few weeks." Keep in mind the long-term goal, but focus on the very short term tasks.

That could at least keep you moving forward, even if not as quickly as you'd like.

[SimpleRules]

1.Therapist
2. Do the 'Just for today' - what a great idea.
3. Pick a quality you would like to have more of in your life - such as strength, patience, joy, humor, peace, kindness, etc. Work on getting more of that quality by creating it yourself. It is a challenge that is life long and hard but very doable - you will begin to regain your sense of control and meaning as you work on it. Life doesn't always get easier when you have an internal goal but as it begins to make more sense intrinsically, the extrinsic stuff begins to fall into place as well - and ultimately it really does seem easier and really more fun.

[limabeans]

Seems scary, doesn't it, to be on this slippery slope, but it doesn't have to be this way forever. You've been given lots of good advice here.

If school itself doesn't seem "real", take some time off. If you're lacking motivation, try the "Just for today" idea. If the courses aren't interesting, you've already made some changes by switching your major. If the courses are too hard, get a tutor. Sometimes having another person overseeing your progress is incredibly motivating and really helps you to keep organized. Your school probably offers this kind of help.

(As an aside, I tutor an 8th grader who consistently failed tests, even though she told me she tried. I didn't doubt her, but I taught her how to take notes. Then, when she had a recent test, I spent time with her to make sure she knew how to prepare for certain questions-types (multiple choice/short answer, long essay). After failing every test last year, she earned an 80 this year!)

[NewHope33]

MG - This might not sound "right" but I think you're fine. You know you're not working up to your potential, you've examined your performance, and you're adamant that you want to do better than you're doing. At this young point in your life, you probably have no idea how positive that is.

As for correction, I agree with suggestions provided by above posters. Good luck. Have some faith this will work out.

[paying3tuitions]

I know I'm disorganized, but I certainly don't forget about the assignments; I just plain avoid them for long period when they stress me out and I can't gather up the motivation.

In addition to the advice above, take a pause to google this term: approach-avoidance behavior. See if there are any strategies to deal with it. Try to internalize your understanding of it, so you recognize it when it begins...then apply strategies.

My instinct is you could practice applying several strategies, including Chedva's "just for today" while on break now, to see if they work. Try for improvement this week, outside of academics, for example, attack a messy room or catch up on some undone family correspondence. Choose tasks you don't particularly enjoy. If the strategies work for you at home on such tasks, that should give you confidence to go back to next semester and apply them to academics.

Offhand, you don't sound like someone who should drop out of school. Use home (now) and school (next term) to turn this around. These are habits and can be changed. The therapist can occur while at school, and will support your behavioral changes in real time.

You've already started the process by asking here. Naming a problem is the first step to fixing it, so give yourself that much credit. If you were my kid, I sure wouldn't tell you to leave school just based on what you've written here!

I also don't know what to do to MAKE myself wake up in the morning to attend class; I'm not a morning person, but there's no way I can avoid those type of classes.

Concerning mornings, I am also a night-owl. These are hard patterns and I still struggle. The best thing I've found will sound counter-intuitive, but wake up a half-hour EARLIER than you need to and save something you enjoy greatly for that half-hour. It could be: watch TV, dance to muzik, hot bath, knitting, or reading something extremely funny. You'll wake up with first thought: I can do THIS. It will get you moving. Then, you'll get on to your classes. If that alarm rings and your first thought is "classes" you hit the snooze button, several times. Instead, try starting your day with your most pleasurable activity, and save it for that moment. Try this during vacation, too.

Good luck and don't give up!

[momofthreeboys]

I like the "just for today" advice. Sometimes changing one behavior causes other behavior to change. My oldest rarely studied in the library and did well his first couple years in college so no "real" problem that required parental intervention. This year his keyboard on his laptop broke and he procrastinated getting it fixed. Ultimately he was "forced" to go to the library and use their computers. He got so much done in a short amount of time, the next day he went back and the next and the next. His laptop eventually got fixed, but he got so used to the libaray and the ambience of being able to focus without interuption and get vast quantities of work done in a shorter amount of time that his grades were top notch (all As for the first time). A new habit developed out of an inconvenience, but it was one small change on one day that began a new cycle of behavior. Good luck to you. Agree that identifying a problem is the first step toward fixing the problem.

[umcp11]

"wake up a half-hour EARLIER than you need to and save something you enjoy greatly for that half-hour."

This "this for today" approach never worked for me, but I used to do the above strategy all the time in HS.

I would pick a T.V. series I really liked, find someplace to watch all the episodes online, and then only watch them in the morning before school - one a day!

Also, is there anything particular that you hate about waking up? Try and figure out what it is exactly that you're dreading. For me, I hate how cold it is (and I hate how cold it is when you get out of the shower and get dressed). So I make sure to sleep in long sleeves/pants, have slippers ready by the bed, and bring all of my clothes into the bathroom with me so I can change in the steam instead of walk back to my freezing room :P.

[muzicgirl89]

Going to the library will possibly help, only I don't like working in the vicinity of others and walking to the library, particularly in cold weather, takes me motivation in and of itself. Certainly if I end up working at the library like this year though, I really should take better advantage of that study time.

I am thinking positive and hoping I have cut my biggest de-motivator, math/science classes, out of the college experience. You see this semester I actually took two math classes, but one was too demanding and threatened further ruin my GPA so I had to withdraw, even though this was the math class I liked quite a bit more. Obviously, that made me feel pretty bad about my performance and left me to focus on the math class I HATED so much I would rarely look through the book until a day or two before the test. So yeah, I've learned two lessons: don't take math classes generally, and if you are going to withdraw from a class, make sure it's the one that you dislike as opposed to the one that is more challenging. Looking back, I may have actually done better in the math class I withdrew from :/.

I really like the morning strategy also. Any advice for how to avoid internet-chatting when you are trying to get work done? I am a very slow writer (usually it's just writer's block, or maybe I'm just too picky) and will easily get distracted surfing the internet or chatting with friends back home.

[Olymom]

Make sure there's no health stuff in the mix like mono or sleep apnea -- there is a super loud alarm sold on Amazon that includes a vibrator disk that you pin to the pillow. It literally shakes the pillow like mad. Search for "loud alarm".

Many people need a semester off doing menial work to focus the brain. There's nothing like bussing tables for minimum wage to open the eyes to how fabulous college life and a college degree are. If you took some time away, then you might be surprised at how much you missed campus life. (by "away" I mean supporting yourself -- not sipping little drinks in a warm climate on Daddy's credit card. Who won't prefer that!).

Good luck. The funny/sad part is that work life is a whole lot less forgiving than most professors. The first time you miss a deadline at work may be the last time.

[muzicgirl89]

actually my alarm is fine, but I have gotten into the habit of turning it off as soon as it sounds because it's so annoying. I think I've done it completely without noticing a couple of times, causing me to miss class *unintentionally* as well.