phunt09

So I have a problem.

I've been wanting to get into boarding school forever, and I've always been too afraid to ask my mom. Finally I asked her earlier this year, and she said we could look into it! I was ecstatic!

So I spent months doing research, looking for boarding schools close to home with everything I wanted. Finally, I found St. Margaret's in Virginia and I was so happy!

I went so far as to fill out the application (my portion at least), and fill out an inquiry for the school. I was excited to receive an email from the Assistant of Admissions that she was in a town near me and wanted to meet up with me and my parents so we could talk about SMS.

It went well, and I was so excited. I even had my interview right then and there. But then, my mom tells me she won't fill out HER part of the application unless we know how much we can pay for it.

The tuition is hefty (44,500), and we make an okay amount a year, but not enough according to her. The average financial aid grant is 20,600, but there are no scholarships for boarders from the school. I can't find any scholarships or grants I qualify for online, and loans are out of the question for my mom.

So what should I do? I can't fill out her part, but I want to get the application in before my interview is forgotten. Plus, I haven't given my teachers the recommendation forms because I'd hate for them to send them in and I have yet to turn in an application.

My aunt is trying to help me find some scholarships but so far, no luck. I'm in 9th grade, and the scholarships I usually find for boarding school are K-8. I just need to figure out something so I can get into this school! It's my dream school, and I'd love any advice!

classicalmama

Okay, you made me look. What makes you think there aren't any scholarships for boarders from the school? According to Boarding School Review, 80 percent of the students board and 37 percent are on financial aid. The average amount of FA is also higher than the amount of the day student tuition, so clearly some boarders are getting FA.

Without more information (perhaps the AO you and your parents talked to told them you wouldn't qualify for aid?), I'd say you simply won't know if you'll qualify for FA unless you go through the process of filling out the FA form through SSS and applying to the school.

GMTplus7

Does it have to be St. Margaret’s or nothing? If you expand your circle of schools, you might be able to secure a better FA situation. You said that St. Margaret’s offers everything you want in a school, but since FA is critical, you may have to compromise if you want to make your BS dream possible.

Have you looked at Episcopal? It is also in VA and has a huge endowment that would facilitate granting FA.

As classicalmama points out, you will not know if you qualify for FA unless you apply.

girlgeekmom

Hmmm... I bit, too. A VERY quick look at the St. Margaret's website shows what I would call the "standard" FA statement. And there's no way to guess until the school can review the Parent Financial Statement (PFS)... which is all done online these days. Yes, it means your parent/s will have to fill out a lot of what feel like invasive financial questions. But it's THE standard for ALL boarding schools that offer need-based aid.

Perhaps you could take it upon yourself to direct your mother to the appropriate section of St. Margaret's website, and encourage her to call the FA director for more clarification. She may not get "guess-based" answers, but it might allay some of her concerns.

I also agree with GMTplus7 that it might behoove you to look at additional schools. If Delaware is not too far afield (depending on where you live), St. Andrews is one option that comes to mind. It depends on what you are looking for in a school, what you have to offer as a student, etc.

Best of luck in your journey.

phunt09

Thanks everyone for your responses. I wish I could broaden my horizons some more but my mom doesn't want anything to far, and it has to be all-girls as well. Also, I talked to the admissions and there are no boarding scholarships for the school at the time being. I want to apply for financial aid, but my mom won't look at anything until I have a scholarship from some other source or something. She won't look at the financial aid for the school because she doesn't want to fill all that out and not receive enough. The school told me they do NOT give full FA for anyone (so everyone who needs it can get a little), and my mom wants me to have enough.

If anyone could lead me in the direction of any scholarships or anything that could give me some sort of money, something my mom will look at so she can apply to the school, that would be great.

Thanks again for all your ideas!

phunt09

Also, yes boarders receive Financial Aid but I meant scholarship wise as in a merit scholarship. Sorry for that mix up.

girlgeekmom

Very few schools give merit scholarships, and even many of those are tied to financial need, or students from "under-served" populations. Interestingly, many of the girls' schools do have various merit scholarships, but the odds of receiving one are pretty slim.

As I read your responses (mom does not want to fill out FA info because she thinks you won't get "enough", for example, PLUS you have to have all girls, PLUS it has to be nearby), I wonder if your mother isn't setting up unrealistic expectations or unsurmountable obstacles. While she's "letting" you look, she has placed restrictions that will make your search much more difficult than if you both, together, fully explored your options (for example, I could recommend the all-girls Emma Willard, but it's in Troy, NY—which sounds like it's too far for your mother. Madeira, in the Washington, DC area may be closer to home, and, like Emma, is a well endowed school that may offer enough financial aid. It's one thing to ask a kid to be proactive about researching schools, and fair for parents to set boundaries; however, SOME parental participation is also required. And not being willing to fill out FA forms amounts to a deal breaker, in my view.

Many parents worry about funding their children's education. And some have higher or lower comfort levels about what they feel they can afford. Since schools do try to assist as many as possible, it's rare for most to provide full tuition. BUT, your mother might find the school or schools you are looking at provide more assistance than she thinks. Even looking at the "Family Contribution" section of the PFS, individual schools come up with different aid packages based on their available funds, the need pool, and a variety of other factors. Some schools openly admit that merit is a factor in financial aid funding; for others, the situation is more nuanced.

Perhaps your mother objects because she feels your local schools meet your needs?
Perhaps she fears losing you to life away from home?
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps?

You sound very motivated to find a boarding school. Were I in your shoes, I would sit down and really have a heart-to-heart with your mother. You might both gain some insights into why you want to go and why she doesn't seem to want you to. A little active listening on both sides is in order.

Good luck to you in your search.

coconutcake

Honestly? Either your mom has no idea how FA works (as in, she doesn't realize that you'll never get an offer unless the entire application is completed), or she has some strange idea that by applying and getting accepted that you are somehow obligated to attend, or... I'm sorry to say it... she is stalling on her part knowing that you can't apply without it and is hoping you'll get frustrated and give up.

You should explain to her respectfully that filling out the application does not obligate you to attend should you be accepted, and that without her part, there IS no acceptance letter, let alone financial aid offer.

I hope that she is just confused about how the process works.

GMTplus7

If it must be a girls school, but u can have some leeway on the distance, then look at Emma Willard. It is the most generous w FA of all the girls schools.

phunt09

My mom is really focused on getting my sister into college, and according to her, financial aid is something you have to pay back, even though I've shower her it's not. I've tried talking to her but it's done nothing, and my step dad doesn't think there's anyway we can afford it anyhow.

I'm going to keep trying though. Thanks for your help guys.

coconutcake

Okay, so it sounds like your mom just doesn't get it. That's a good thing. Intentional sabotage is terrible, but not unheard of. Glad that's not the case.

I would put it to her like this. Loans, you have to pay back. But financial aid offered in a boarding school situation would just be a discount. Kind of like if you get a pair of shoes for 50% off, you don't have to pay back the other 50% later. Tell her that the financial aid process determines what *discount* they are going to give you based on your income and that loans aren't a factor here.

Sorry they're not being more supportive.

phunt09

It's alright, they're probably just busy. Thanks for that though, I'll try to explain it to her. Wish me luck!

girlgeekmom

phunt09, YOU are correct. At least when it comes to boarding schools. Though a small percentage offer loans, the majority of schools that offer financial aid do NOT require families to pay it back. This is different from the college situation, and, in fact, if your mom has already filled out a FAFSA for your older sister's college financial aid application (or will be doing so), some schools may accept it. In any case, she'd be able to plug in most of the same information.

Boarding schools absolutely do consider families' total tuition situation, and it may in fact be to your advantage for your total financial aid picture that your family will have two tuitions to pay.

I can corroborate GMT's comment on Emma Willard. The school has generous financial aid, relative to many other schools, both single-sex and coed. But I seem to recall so does Westover (an all-girls school in CT) and the previously-mentioned Madeira. I don't know as much about some of the other girls schools, but perhaps someone is reading this thread who can shed more light.

@ phunt09, you might want to take a look at boardingschoolreview.com and do a search for "all-girls" schools. You will get a broader picture of what's out there and you can map how far away various schools are from where you live. To address your stepdad's concerns, I will add that, in our experience, if a family truly cannot afford the tuition, schools can be surprisingly accommodating. But if a family just "thinks" it's too much or finds it "inconvenient" (buying fancy cars? Can't take that extra vacation?), then schools may question it.

Also, if a school awards financial aid and a family really can't find a way to pay, the family can ask a school to review their award. In some cases there is a circumstance that doesn't show up on FAFSA or PFS applications, or an extenuating circumstance (because forms are based on prior year taxes, and a family's financial situation may be quite different).

Again, a good talk, and an honest assessment, might help. I can think of several folks over the years who thought they "couldn't afford" a particular school, who pursued the facts and found out they could. Which is not to say they afforded it free from any sacrifice; but they all were able to eat, take care of their homes, purchase clothing, etc.

phunt09

Thank you so much! I'll try to explain this. We definitely can find some ways to cut corners, I'm sure. I'm going to explain this to my mom and see what happens.

phunt09

Well I'm sad to report my parents are not budging. At all. Apparently they won't pay anything. At all. So I guess I need to just let it go (which is really upsetting...I feel really led on). I don't know how to let the schools know I'm not interested. I showed them so much enthusiasm...any suggestions?