liv&learn

Crickett -- it is natural to have misgivings about such a life changing event. Our kids were unsure at times before they went, but have told us that this is the absolute greatest gift we could have given them. It's a sacrifice in many ways, but they are truly happy, challenged, thoroughly engaged and as my one child put it, "I'm really loving life right now." Every school is different. Look carefully. At the end of the day, you will end up where you need to be.

keylyme

crickett...at my son's public school, there is so much pressure to "conform" and "be cool". He wasn't really free to be himself. He had only one close friend who was a guy; he was a superstar athlete and a good student ( a combo that is not prevalent at his public school - most of the high profile athletes are football players, and it is not "cool" for them to excel academically). His best sport (soccer) was not a biggie at his school, either. He fit in best with his club soccer team, who tended to be high achievers in the classroom as well, like himself. However, this was not a local team, so he never got to interact with these guys at school. He felt lonely, angry, and frustrated (even in middle school). He is like a new person at bs. Happy and excited about his classes, his friends, etc. We have met his friends (several times) and have had a few over for visits already. They are such nice young people and seem more "innocent" than his public school peers.
Having extra responsibilites (i.e. laundry) does not really "toughen you up" and as far a hard classes, I would think that in your public hs you would take the most challenging course load (right?). The difference at the preps, is that all of the courses are the challenging ones and everyone is there to partake of that.
On the topic of missing family....I am a big proponent of "absence makes the heart grow fonder". I think this is strengthening our relationship. Albeit, we get to see my son fairly frequently as the school is only an hour away. He maintains daily contact with his siblings via facebook/AIM (which he just found out he can use)/and his cell phone. They are always trading pictures, etc. (they all have webcams). I think they all get along better now that they are not together everyday. Christmas break was so much fun...the three of them did stuff together all the time (movies, bowling, skiing)....they never spent that much time together before.
My eldest graduated (as I have stated a few times before) 5 years ago from the same bs (NMH). He definitely did not feel any loss of innocence or childhood. Like his brother, he was energized by his experience and freed from the perceived necessity to somehow "conform" at public school. He (my eldest) particulary enjoyed having relevant associations with his teachers and this got him labeled as a "goody two shoes" in middle school. He was thrilled to get out of that situation and go to a place where getting along with instructors, even dining with them, was acceptable and normal. He would have probably been an angry and unhappy young man had he remained at our local public hs.

icy9ff8

crickett: Much of what you are experiencing now are probably due to "growing pains". Boarding school is not a rejection of your parents, nor is it a destroyer of innocence. Boarding school, simply stated, is a growing, maturing and learning experience. It is normal to fear change; that is part of the growth process.

IluvA's

This is my second year at boarding school, and I disagree completely.

Yes, boarding school is not for everyone. Not everyone thrives in that kind of environment. There are many girls in my school who suffer, either from academic or social-related problems.

And of course, if you're going to judge a school based on its brochure, then you probably shouldn't be going. Applicants should never idealize the schools - despite the pretty green lawns and pictures of smiling students, boarding school is still life - you get lonely, depressed, angry. Everyone I know at my school has been through a "I shouldn't have come here/What am I doing here/My life here sucks" phase.

But for those who try, to make friends, succeed in their endeavors, take advantage of their resources - I don't think kids at good schools, especially boarding schools, ever fully realize how incredibly lucky they are. I've noticed that students easily get fed up with the spoiledness of otheres, and the hypocrisy, or work overload, or a million other reasons. Yet there are millions of underprivileged kids in the world, for whom going to any kind of private school or receiving an education at all, is a mere dream to them.

I don't deny it - I am a teenager, so there's not a day passing when I don't get vaguely whiney, and think about what's wrong with my life - but I still try to think about how lucky I am during certain moments, like seeing a new, beautiful snowfall blanket the school campus, to holding an intellectual discussion with peers, or listening to a speaker ramble on about his time in the Peace Corps.

I think I kind of got off on a tangent. My point is, boarding school can be an incredible experience - but not for everyone. So we should never generalize . A personal experience should not speak on behalf for thousands of others.

shumpleen

I have similar views and experience regarding boarding schools with the original poster and Ajadedidealist.
I'm a four year senior at a prestigious boarding school and I don't think I would have experienced such an arduous yet precious time if I were in a public high school. Boarding school is not for everyone and I can say, coming from a not very affluent family and joining a VERY wealthy student body that is so typical of boarding schools, that if you are wealthy, preppy, athletic, or ridiculously good looking, then you are more likely to enjoy your experience more, at least in the social life. I find that many kids who would be considered "normal" in public high schools---kids who wear all black or chain mails or dyed their hair random colors or even wear ripped jeans and messy clothes---may be considered very different from the norm at boarding schools. They WILL stand out among a group of neatly trimmed and preppy students who have a proclivity toward hanging out with people who dress the same or come from the same CT or NY homes. This is by far one of the biggest problem I have with boarding schools and it's the truth for most and probably all of them. Yet, I'm glad to have gone to a boarding school. I have learned that now I want to live in a very diverse place in the future where people befriend all types of people, despite their differences. Although my experience with the students are not entirely wonderful, sometimes even infuriating, I learn to shed my naiveness on certain dreams and ideals and see the world more realistically. Here's a general advice to prospective students: for those who care about diversity, a public high school would be a better choice.
Academic wise, boarding schools are very strong and competitive. You will meet so many students who are very smart and ambitious and probably very arrogant. But one of my best experiences here is with the teachers, less so with the students. The teachers always welcome me to their homes for extra help on homework and tests. I go to their dorms to talk to them about my problems or to celebrate together my achievements. We become friends and there is not a moment when I wouldn't come across them and strike a long conversation. Being close to teachers like friends is a an invaluable experience for me. But of course, not all teachers are nice and caring. I had a hall resident, a teacher herself, two years ago who simply favored blond girls and hated certain students. (She gave me such a hard time in sports) It was unfortunate that I met such a person, whom I had barely any respect for because I disliked how she behaved toward her students. However, my main point is that teachers at boarding schools are GENERALLY very intelligent and they care about you.
At boarding schools, you will also have a lot of opportunities to try out new things. Schools often offer trips to foreign countries and travel to other parts of the US or exchanges with other schools that public schools don't offer. You can also find so much things to do and to choose from, such as clubs and sports. However, most of the students tend to be either very smart and goal driven, very athletic, or have a special talent. The atmosphere is thus generally very cutthroat. At boarding school for now four years, I have learned to sharpen my determination, my endurance despite occasional depressions with classes and other issues. I came from a middle school where I was the top student and literally got what I hoped and tried for. At boarding schools, you will probably realize your strengths and weaknesses (mostly) and dislike what you find. But these realizations, if you accept them, will carry you very far into college and life beyond.

I have experienced a lot of difficulties in the boarding school. But even with the difficulties I had, I have at least managed to learn something important about either myself or about the world or about other people from them. Boarding school is simply a very different experience. You cannot imagine and dream about it and expect it will happen just as you predict. You cannot know it until you come and create the experience unique of your own.

shumpleen

Oh wow. I didn't realize I've written that much...sorry if I rambled a lot in the above message. It's 2:30 AM here.

hank93

I have to wonder..... I am applying to some smaller all girls tier two schools that aren't elite schools and every time I interacted with students and administrators they were extemely caring, down-to-earth, genuine people that were a lot nicer then some of the people I hang out with in public schools. These schools have some loaded kids but nothing like the millionaire population at the big seven ( all though there are some kids on financial aid and scholarships). Is it possible that being around so much money makes it harder for a lot of kids to remember how to be good people with morals. Also possible is that lbftw is a pessimistic narrcisist that decides he/she is so special that every should listen to his/her depressing opinion because he/she knows what is best for everyone.

ConcernedFather

I went to AESD school twenty years ago. Had grown up overseas (Europe), and coming back to the US first to a public high school then to boarding school was a terrible challenge. My classmates didn't understand me, I dressed "weirdly" to them, I was culturally very different -- in short, I was a freak. But they respected me, in a weird way that I don't think would have happened in most public schools. Unfortunately, I couldn't handle BS academics. (My parents were hippies and I had never gone to a real school with GRADES and TESTS until going to the school I attended). I lasted two years at BS. Was kicked out and moved back to Europe for a while. I ended up never getting a high school diploma but went to one of then-and-now most fashionable Ivys, and I have lived overseas ever since. It's something I laugh about, now, the fact that I never graduated from HS. (I am quite successful in my very conservative profession, now, although I was in the US, teaching at private and public high schools, for a number of years after college.) I have two kids, both boarding school age, and I am sending them both despite the fact that (a) I am not hugely rich, (b) I am not sure it will get them into an Ivy more easily if than if they stay in our current country of residence, and (c), I miss the one who is already at boarding school terribly. So why am I doing it? Much of the time I was at my -- super conservative -- bs, I hated it.

I think I am doing it for the following reasons:
-- If you're smart, boarding school is to learning seemed to me then to be like trying to drink out of a fire house at full blast. It's a challenge, but if you can handle it, you can get much more volume.
-- Boarding school teaches you that you are responsible for your own destiny. Nobody pulls you out of the fire when you go down. (Although I think this is more true of AESD than the other St. Grottlesex institutions.) If you can handle the responsibility, it brings a lot of self-confidence to you when you pull it off.
-- Boarding school teaches you that you can be different, proudly. From what I know of families in the US, US public high schools can be conformist places. Indeed, great success at public high school, in my experience, is often a negative indicator for great intellectual success in later life. This is not universal -- and I am sure that I have already outraged some of you for saying this -- but at my BS, eccentricity was tolerated to a degree unimaginable in most public HS in the US today. And kids were allowed to flower in all sorts of unique ways at my BS. Even today, I am regularly amazed by all the cool things they've done since getting out of BS. My one child at BS today, living in the US for the first time, tells me that things haven't changed in that regard at all. There's a weird sense of tolerance for eccentric flowering at my child's boarding school that wasn't present at the public school (one of the best in the US, according to all the surveys) my child previously attended. In the end, I think that's why I am sending my kids to boarding school. It's true that it's not for everybody; but for people who are different, it can mean salvation.

lbftw

i guess some things you just have to experience for yourself. parents, you all went to high school; would you really wanna live there?

Lexima

Nice post, ConcernedFather.

keylyme

lbftw....good question. For me, yes, absolutely! I envy my sons' experiences at bs and, every time I visit, I wish I could have had that opportunity. I had a very boring and un-challenging hs experience.

prpdd

This is proving to be a very interesting and worthwhile thread. Even though I don't agree with everything that's posted here, I think it's interesting to get a variety of viewpoints.

One of the dangers of this forum is that it is composed of people who are applying to BS and whose focus is primarily on getting in. Because many of these schools are competative, prestigious and it very difficult to get into, it's easy to idealize them and think of them as some kind of shangrila. If I remember the etimology course I took at Choate some 30 years ago (thank you John Joseph) the word Utopia comes from a book written by Thomas Moore and is actually Latin for "nowhere". In other words, no place is perfect. Every school has it's share of jerks (both kids and teachers) and students who struggle to fit in - sometimes socially, sometimes academically, sometimes both. Moreover, the high school years are tough for everyone and it is the rare kid whose not going to feel depressed, lonely, and misunderstood at some point in time, regardless of where you're going to school.

Moreover, the elite boarding schools do have a lot of rich kids. And a lot of competative high achievers. And for a lot of kids it is difficult to adjust to no longer standing out among your classmates.

However, I do think that, for the right kid, boarding schools will offer you what few high schools can. Outstanding academics. A huge variety of extracurriculars and sports. Dedicated teachers who become a part of your life outside the classroom as well as in it. And the opportunity to establish deep and longlasting friendships with classmates who share every aspect of your life and get to really know you because you live with them 24 hours a day.

JB1

lbftw - Absolutely, I went to boarding school and loved it.

prpdd

Oh, and lbftw - some adult posters also went to BS, so we do have firsthand knowledge, and even those that didn't go to BS presumably went to college. For me, living with my classmates was definitely a positive and enabled me to form friendships I don't think I would have had if I'd stayed home.

ops

Well said, prpdd. Do it again in a heart beat but yes there were some rough times but no escaping those lessons in life whether in BS or PHS. Got a letter from S the other week "Can't imagine home being more fun than this." I truly believe he understands simply put, how lucky he is.