icy9ff8

The original poster (OP) has a legitimate point in that boarding school is not for everyone. I know parents that wanted boarding school for their child, but the student was happy, challanged and growing socially and intellectually at the current school. Why disrupt a good situation? Especially with the popularity and availability of honors and AP courses at local public and day prep schools. Boarding schools are increasingly looking at Asian students as an important market segment to maintain "full occupancy" due, in large part, to the substantial academic opportunities offered by private day schools and top public schools.

lbftw

i believe that. seems like fewer and fewer of the old school wasp set and more and more new money. bush didn't send either of his daughters to prep school.

s.martin up

bush didn't send either of his daughters to prep school.

Prep schools don't serve beer at lunch.;>)

s.martin up

bush didn't send either of his daughters to prep school.

Prep schools don't serve beer at lunch.;>)

My bad ..except for South Kent :>0

NeLLyRaE

i think everybody needs to be nicer on this site. I mean come one, lbftw is just telling us of his experience. Just because you disagree with him doesn't give you an excuse to call him names and be mean. this is supposed to be a site for nice people, not people who don't respect each other's opinions anhd are gonna trash talk anyone they disagee with.

i think lftw has good points, and although i am definitely still applying, i respect his opinion and do not think he's a troll.

play nice.

goaliedad

Nelly,

I have moved lbftw off of the troll list now, as he has added some personal evidence to his argument (about 10 posts ago) that boarding school has problems. Prior to that, the summation of posts I saw were negative generalizations that anyone could rattle off whether or not they went to boarding school.

I can see that a student who doesn't really want to go to boarding school will often be much more bothered by those problems than someone who goes a boarding school because it it their idea. And sadly enough, many kids do fake wanting to go to a school at the interview, just to please their parents. And admissions folks can be fooled by good actors.

In the adult experience, this would be similar to the attitudes expressed by people who have experienced a bad marraige and stayed in it because it was expected of them. They tend to focus on those negative parts of the experience that wouldn't bother a happily married adult that much.

Glad to see some light after all this heat...

D'yer Maker

Sorry NeLLyRaE, but the guy's an adult, not a kid. It took until post #83 before he began to back up his conclusory warnings of large-scale disaster. He wasn't sharing his experience as you say. It wasn't until early this morning that we got some meaningful information about his experience. Prior to that he refused to discuss his experience in any useful way.

His point is accurate for some, but not all. He started out making a blanket assertion that boarding school is wrong for everyone (except for the St. Paul's applicant who he encouraged in a backhanded way) and that sort of advice is as preposterous as someone saying boarding school is right for everyone. He's been fighting a straw man: the person who thinks BS is right for everyone. Nobody here makes that claim. Nobody.

MomofWildChild

Bush's daughters did, in fact, attend a prestigious prep school when the family lived in Dallas. When they moved to Austin, they attended public school, but DID interview at a prep school there. It isn't really good form for a Governor's kids to not attend the public schools in the state.

prpdd

OK, my first reaction to lbftw was that he was a troll. After some thought and based on some of his/her further posts, I have revised my opinion. Most of the posters here are kids who are either in BS or applying, or their parents. I think this can lead to a somewhat one sided and idealized view of the BS experience. When someone like lbftw comes on who is almost completely negative about the BS experience it creates a cognitive disonance that is upsetting to our happy little community of posters.

However, the points he makes are not without some validity. BS is expensive and at least some of the students will be snotty, preppy, spoiled rich kids. All of these schools have had scandals. Milton was in the news a few years ago with a "sex scandal" that involved members of the hockey team. A few weeks ago there was another scandal when one student was expelled and several others were suspended after hacking into the school computer and changing grades. St. Pauls had a financial scandal" involving its headmaster a few years ago, and if you go back a few more years a scandal involving a respected teacher who sexually harassed a number of female students. Choate had a drug scandal about 20 years ago that ended up being a story on 60 Minutes. Groton had a hazing scandal a few years ago.

Of course public high schools also their fair share of scandals, drug problems, hook ups, etc. - we are after all talking about a concentrated population of 14-18 year olds. You just don't hear about these scandals because they don't occur at prestigious, well known schools.

However, while lbftw does offer us a reality check by pointing out some of the negatives of BS life, ultimately I think that, for the right kid, the positives far outweigh the negatives, and I think that some of his arguments are flat out wrong. The caliber of teachers at the top boarding schools is far higher than at a local high school. They are also more available and more committed to establishing a personal relationship with their students.

For most kids, the quality and depth of the friendships you develop with your classmates will be stronger than they would at a day school.

The facilities, breadth of course offerings, opportunity for extra-curricular activities, etc, is far greater at most boarding schools than it is at most public schools.

The maturity, self-reliance and self-confidence you will have after you graduate from boarding school will make the transition to college MUCH easier.

BS clearly is not for everyone; and its sad that lbftw is so bitter about his/her experience. I think his/her view of BS is unduly negative, distorted and in some instances flat out wrong. However, no BS is a utopia. If you think otherwise your view will be equally distorted and you are bound to be disappointed with the reality.

BTW - to respond to lbftw's comment that none of the posters know what they're talking about/lack personal experience, I strongly suspect we both attended the same BS. (Only I went there when the school was slightly larger and shortly before the board of trustees was merged).

liv&learn

While I disagree with ibfts's method of deivering his message to us, I agree with others here that he did make valid points that we might want to explore. The issue of dorm supervisors/dorm mothers, etc. having their own lives and therefore not paying enough attention to our kids is of a concern to me. I wonder how they balance taking care of their own young children, wearing many hats and being available to our kids. It's not always a good situation. Our kids are on their own quite a bit and there are certainly positives and negatives associated with that. While I absolutely believe that boarding school is not for everyone, I also believe that those who willingly choose it and want to succeed, can do so wonderfully. IBFTW, I would like to learn more of what parents and kids should look out for from you, and others, based on your experiences, if you don't mind sharing. We're all trying to do good things for our kids. Let's try to do it in a constructive way.

MomofWildChild

My son and his friends would use the grill at his dorm parents' apartment and hang out with the family. It was truly a "home away from home" and I felt the boarders got lots of attention from the house parents. Not much got by them!

Not all boarding schools are created equal. My son attended one for a couple of years that I felt was negligent in its supervision of the boarders. It also had too small of a boarding population with respect to day students. Rules were enforced arbitrarily. The kids were out of control. Some of the dorms were in bad condition and dust filtered in like you were in a sandstorm.

On the other hand, the school my son graduated from AND Interlochen, where my daughter graduated, were the most amazing places. The residential, academic and athletic/music faculty were attentive, nurturing and realistic. Faculty homes were open to students- my son could spend the night in a spare bedroom at his advisor's house if he needed a break from the dorm or a good night's sleep before a big race. There were many checks and balances and a lot of safety nets for the kids. Academics were hard, but the kids didn't compete harshly against each other. College counseling was aimed at finding the right fit for each student- not at making the school look good with acceptances to highly selective schools.

lbftw

you people may not say boarding school is right for everyone, but 99% of the threads here seem to be about how great it is in every way. i don't see too many about the 10,000,000 different scandals at these places that made or are making the national news.

get both sides of the story. there are a lot of books written on the subject, and you'd be wise to look into them. preparing for power is far and away the best imo. another good one is i am charlotte simmons; even though its fiction and about college, a lot of it is the same.

Linda S

The reason 99% say glowing things is because we feel BS is a good/best option for either our kids or ourselves. It's not because we don't see that there could be problems or are in denial, it's just that we've already made the choice.

And, if you look closely on the threads, there was one that discussed the recent racial problems at Loomis.

D'yer Maker

We've discussed these books before. We've linked to news articles, current and ancient, of scandals. From scandals involving students to those involving rifts among trustees/regents. The first thread that I started here was to compile the "dark side" of boarding school that the AdComs will never tell you...and it had numerous contributors.

That's not to say that those things shouldn't be mentioned again. It's to say that all of these things are in context...and the bitter comes with the sweet.

lbftw, you seem to think that everyone here ("you people") are all about sweetness and light. And, it's clear that you are decidedly all about bitter. You seem to think you're the yin to everyone else's yang. You've totally overlooked the fact that there's context provided here to these flaws with boarding school that you're announcing as if they are revelations.

We had a thread here about parents who were excited about their kids coming home for Thanksgiving. Do you think that those parents are clueless that there's a cost incurred that goes far beyond the tuition? Do you fail to apprehend that that thread was not just for Stepford Parents and that the bitter was the mortar of that thread even though it was explicitly couched in terms of being happy?

We get it. Thanks for the newsflash. Boarding school isn't a family trip to the Magic Kingdom.

You're right. It's not going to be the DisneyWorld experience that I, too, believe some kids sort of expect it to be. High school years are tough all over and boarding school isn't a sanctuary and comes with it's own set of sacrifices and problems and concerns.

If you want to actually discuss these things and weigh bitter against the sweet...and come down on the side that there's too much bitter...then welcome aboard. You're far from being the first one to take that position. You do have the market cornered, however, when it comes to just throwing around highly generalized notions of doom and gloom without any context at all. That's why so many people assumed you were a troll. For my part, I find it more disappointing that you're not a troll. You keep sounding the alarm and when asked for directions to the fire, you have nothing more to say than, "Oh, it's yonder. Just look for the smoke."

I don't object to your thesis or your conclusion. I object to your inability to provide directions that take us in the vicinity of where you think we should be going. I'm watching you struggle with this and that struggle is just about the best case you've made that boarding school is not a panacea.

lookingformore

SO YOU HAD A BAD EXPEIENCE AT BOARDING SCHOOL? don't take it out on the people on this board. because from what i can tell, everyone on here want's what best for their kids and best for themselves.

So maybe it wasn't the right choice for you lbftw. But, what about the thousands of kids that want to reach higher and excel? Some people don’t live in good areas and don’t come from rich families, yet they are smart and can't get all of the opportunities they want at their public schools. And saying, "being forced by your parents" that’s not even close to true. I know so many kids that wanted to further THEIR OWN EDUCATION with no real push from their parents. I think that by bashing the world of boarding school, you are ruining people’s chances of finding out for their own.

Boarding school IS NOT right for everyone. It’s for kids who want to push themselves and reach higher goals. Sure, scandals happen, but you think they don’t happen at public school? Bad things happen at EVERY SCHOOL. Open your eyes, the world is full of bad things, threes no way to escape. But it doesn’t have to be that way. If you went to boarding school and ignored all the social distractions and scandals, you would come out with an amazing education and would probably go on to do what you were supposed to and change the world. Sure, you can do this at public school to, but there is so much negative energy from the kids that don’t like school. I went to public school. I know this to be true. You get held back. When you go to a school that you love, that you are going to BY CHOICE AND EFFORT, the benefits are much greater. So, while you may be set in your ways as the anti-boarding school person, I am going to say that sure. Boarding school was NOT the right thing for you to be put through, but to ruin the chances of others who may not be anything like you at all, that’s just wrong.

And for every parent that sends his or her unwilling kid, sure that kid is going to get in trouble. It’s the parent’s fault, that’s why scandals happen. But its not boarding school, its the rebellious kid. And for every parent that doesn't research high school scandals and inform their kids that it’s not worth the money and time to screw up like that, then that’s a shame. And, you mentioned earlier that you make bad mistakes with out your parents. what about the kids that are mature enough to handle it? they should be given the chance to find out for themselves what it's all about. But to say that 10s of millions of scandals take place at only boarding schools (which is how i'm interpreting your last message) you are horribly wrong.
watch what you say, you could fake someone out of getting a really great experience. you get what you put into it, if you went into BS thinking it was a load of crap, thinking that it was all just grade-grubbers and richies, then thats the impression you got, for thats what you were looking for. if you went in with a better attitude, you would have a better time. but maybe not.