Trulyyours

Can anyone from 11th or 12th grade post his/her essays, please? I want to read a sample essay for Exeter. Thanks!

Trulyyours

Can someone* :P

aspirant214

“Chirp, chirp, chirp,” Blue jays chattered.
“Vroom, vroooooom,” Cars crooned.
“Clomp, clomp, clomp,” The mailman marched.
“Clank!” The mailbox closed.
I eagerly peeked out the window, peering at the mailman’s figure sashaying back to the mail truck. When the coast was clear, I scurried outside and pulled out the steel box’s contents. Scrutinizing the scrawled handwriting on the plain white envelope, my eyes widened. It was for me!
“Mo-omm!” I shouted excitedly. “Someone sent me something!”
I gingerly tore open the envelope. A carefully-wrapped letter slid out to my palm, fitting perfectly under my fingers. Mouth parting slightly and breath stopping, I slowly unfolded it.
“Dear Jennifer…” Read the typed lettering on top.
I was immediately captured.
Few minutes passed when my mom found me under the dining table, where I crouched with the letter. After briskly untying her apron, she hung it over the one of the dining chairs. At that time, tears had welled up in my eyes without my knowing. Hiding my eyes behind the sleeve of my flannel pajama top, I handed her the letter.
I peeked out to see my mom’s reaction. First, she was sorrow, then sad, then a little indignant, then… sad again. Shaking her head ever so slightly, she tied her apron around her waist once again and ambled to the kitchen to prepare dinner.
It was a designation letter….Something to do with life insurance, which I had no idea about. It was from my Uncle John, my so-called “Number One Fan” on Youtube. Ever since my first video was uploaded, he had sent me letters, each one thanking me for delivering my music. Although I had never met him in person, we occasionally talked to each other over the phone.
He was nice. Very nice.
Mommy talked to Uncle John sometimes. While listening to hushed conversations of my parents, I learned that Uncle John was an eighty-something year old man living in North Carolina.
I also learned that his wife and daughter had died many years before. He had no family.
Whether it had seeded from pity or interest, I do not know. What really mattered to me, however, was that I began to regard Uncle John as part of my family. I began to love him.
Finally deciding it was time to face the world again, I crawled out of my hiding place. I gently placed the letter on the middle of the dining table. I still was not sure what it said, but somehow, I knew it was very important. To me. To Uncle John.
Looking back to this event today, I now know that even when I may not be aware of it, there are people out there looking out for me. Like guardian angels hovering over my head, they will sacrifice anything to help me.
I will never forget him. Uncle John. My angel.

UKgirl23

Here's my 500 word general 'personal statement' for Westminster school in the UK. The prompt was something like: talk about your interests, activites and why you want to come to the school. I also have 2 other versions of it for different lengths and slightly different prompts for other schools, so PM me if you're interested I got accepted at all 3 schools by the way

I have chosen to apply to Westminster because I want to be stretched academically and I would like the opportunity to experience excellent teaching. I am able to work independently, for example I am studying additional maths by myself, but I want to be in an environment where pushing yourself further is encouraged and actively supported by the teachers. I would love the chance to work with like-minded students, and take part in classes where I am constantly stimulated.
I have developed an interest in biology, particularly in genetics, which has inspired me to read books such as Dawkins’ The Selfish Gene. I read the New Scientist magazine, particularly following advances in medicine, from which I started considering medicine as a career. To help me to get a better idea of whether it would be the right vocation for me, I am going to be volunteering next summer at a local clinic.
History is one of my interests: I love finding out how society and our lives today have been shaped by the past and I also find the human stories behind great events fascinating. A particular area of interest is World War One, which I have researched independently in depth. Reading Richard Van Emden’s The Quick and the Dead was particularly interesting. I have been able to discuss many related topics with experts and enthusiasts like myself on the online Great War Forum. From this I have been given the opportunity to volunteer at the Imperial War Museum in a project for the upcoming centenary of the First World War.
Westminster attracts me because of the facilities and exciting opportunities it has to offer outside academia, with the great range of societies and visiting speakers. I love the idea of extra non-examined options.
I take part in a lot of extra-curricular activities, both in and out of school. I attend a school 'Renaissance' club, which organises cultural visits, speakers and discussions. I have a keen interest in debating, and earlier in the year I competed in the International Competition for Young Debaters. My partner and I progressed into the finals day, where we gained a lot of experience and had a great time. Since then I have been working to improve my speaking skills, and attended a camp run by the English Speaking Union over the summer. This year I am looking forward to participating in a number of competitions including those hosted by the Oxford and Cambridge Unions.
As a keen sportswoman, I have represented the South East in triathlon at a national level for the last few years. I swim at a regional standard, with my speciality being the longer distance events. As a new challenge, I have recently started open water swimming. I cycle for a club, and in the past have represented the central region at the national cyclocross championships. I have just started rowing, which is something I hope to continue and take to a higher level in the future.

UltimateFSwag

bumping for applicants of 2013! you can read through these, and decide if you want to post yours after M9/10!

GoldenRatio

I'll post mine...at the very least, I'll have a censored version by M10 or so I really like this thread! These essays are amazing! Mine seem dingy in comparison.

classicalmama

I really wish you guys would wait until after March 10 to post--you're giving away way too much information about yourselves here. After March 10, it might be useful to see some essays from students, knowing whether they were or were not accepted--then again, we'd have not idea how the essay helped or hurt the application. You're probably better off reading something like this for inspiration:

Amazon.com: 50 Successful Harvard Application Essays, Third Edition: What Worked for Them Can Help You Get into the College of Your Choice (Harvard Crimson) (9780312624385): Staff of the Harvard Crimson: Books

Silverstag

Now that decisions are finalized people can begin to post here, unless you want to wait until March 9. Your decision, just thought I should bump this.

GoldenRatio

@Silverstag: I think I'll wait...who knows, maybe my file is under a last minute desicion crsis!

UKgirl23

It's also more useful for other people if they know whether the person is accepted or not.

confusedonhades

I'll post mine with acceptance,deny, or waitlist once I get my decisions.

Guitar500

Jeez, some posts here make me feel ashamed about my college essay :P You kids are truly something

turks12345

@UKgirl23 I read your essay and I think its pretty good. But there are some things you could have added and changed:
-you describe your academic interests but you dont describe your personality, you as a person.
-Never start repeating the question and answering it, write a hook, something that has to do with the topic youre writting about but its more general; in other words write a sentence or two that are easy for others to relate to.
- i really liked the fact that you wrote about running and your accomplishments.

CellyZ

I love reading essays! Wow, I sound boring. If anyone wants to I'd love LOVE to switch essays.

UKgirl23

@turks thanks for the advice! Luckily the next time I'll have to do this sort of thing is for college in two years