1st Year Parents' Support Thread

[redbluegoldgreen]

@CM: Wow, each time I spend time on the campus, I love it more and more...and think, what a great place! Great sunny weekend, heh? DS is on third, but felt like fourth floor of his dorm; DD is on top floor.

Had to rent a van to get two kids moved in, but they have way too much!

Don't know if I will have a chance to list this in another thread,...but saw Lawrenceville School two weekends ago and wow...if I were just 40 years younger, I'd give those new 8th grade applicants a run for their money...Hands down my top choice. L-O-V-E-D it!

[friendlymom]

We dropped D off on Thursday at SPS. She jumped right into everything and seems to be having a blast so far. It's hard to be 100% sad when you see what a special opportunity your kid is going to have.

I did already get a call from the infirmary about a head bump she had while horsing around with other kids...and was told that 36 hours is not a record for landing in the infirmary.

[troy111]

My D started Lawrenceville a little more than a week back, as a day student. I have to say that among all the schools my D applied to and later got admission, we as parents, felt L'ville was the least inviting. My D however loved revisit day and chose to go here inspite of our reservations.
Since school started, we have been exposed to a completely different side of the school. The school is very nurturing towards the students and has really worked hard to make sure the new students get comfortable with a new school and system. Her advisor and coach have been very supportive. Classes are challenging but teachers are making every effort to not overwhelm them with academics as the students find their way around high school and home sickness. Best of all, they have a weekly class on personal development which focuses on time management skills.

I have had meetings with some of the school staff and have found them to be very warm and receptive, something I had not felt earlier.

The House system is a great asset and has made my day student D feel as much a part of the school life as her boarding friends. Lets see what the next few months ahead unfold.

[kara44]

that it's normal for DD to call every 2 weeks, saying she's sad/sometimes crying, misses her old friends, doesn't like her school, etc. I recall others saying that this is normal and is the result of having to be 'on' 24/7 while boarding. On teams, has friends there but does, every week, count the days until the weekend when she can come home. Then spends most of her time in her room listening to music, hanging with us and sister (we recently moved here so she does not have friends in neighborhood yet. She's stayed a few weekends but the dorm is pretty empty so it's not a lot of fun.

I know it's still relatively early in the year, but when do you know if it's going to mean a move? How can I advise her? I usually listen, and then gradually move the conversation along to see if she has stuff she's looking forward to (she does). Sibling at the same school is mostly fine.

I would love to hear from others with similar situations or experience! Thank you!

[2kidsnoanswers]

Kara, I'd suggest a call to her advisor to see how he/she sees your daughter adapting. Sometimes kids save the worst for their parents.

[classicalmama]

I had a veteran boarding school parent tell me that even after her children were out of bs, into college, and on to their "real lives," 80 percent of the calls home were distress calls; 10% were neutral; and 10% were good news. I'd say we get more good news calls than that, but the distress calls take way more time and emotional energy.

My son did the same thing as your daughter his first year, though the counting thing lessened as the year went on. Now he counts the days until he can get back to school. Look for the incremental improvement and, yes, check in with the advisor.

[girlgeekmom]

So, as a first year parent who tries to keep mindful of the line between staying involved and staying out of the way, I'm trying to figure out whether or not to send holiday gifts (in the form of cookies, that's all, I swear!) to dd's dorm parent, advisor and one other teacher, all of whom have been particularly supportive of dd during a time of family distress.

I want to thank them in some larger way than the (seemingly countless) "thank you" emails back and forth, but I don't want to be seen as bribing or currying favor for my child. FWIW she will have a different dorm parent and advisor next year.

Anyone with BTDT advice? It would be most appreciated.

[classicalmama]

There was a great thread about this last year. The teacher input was that a note of thanks and, if you want, a gift certificate to a local bookstore, restaurant, or coffee shop were most appreciated, but that gifts aren't expected. We gave our kid's adviser a gift first year for the reasons you outline above, but haven't since.

[girlgeekmom]

Thanks, classical. I found the thread:
Holiday gifts for dorm parents?

Very helpful! Cookies it is, with a heartfelt note ;-)

[ChoatieMom]

The Choate Parents Advisory Council sponsors a Faculty Appreciation Drawing each year and asks parents to consider contributing gifts (under $100, usually in the form of gift cards, books, etc.) so that all faculty receive something in the drawing held before winter break. It’s a nice way to say thanks without the awkwardness @ggmom describes. But, I think homemade baked goods are always a welcome gift that by their very nature convey heartfelt appreciation and can’t possibly be construed in a negative way. I send a large care package of assorted Christmas cookies to DS to share with his entire floor and, this year, will include a separately wrapped box of goodies and a note for his advisor who is also his coach and mentor. @cm is correct that gifts aren’t expected, but a small token to those who have made a difference in your child’s life is not inappropriate.

[Jersey386]

A close friend of mine was a teacher and she said baked goods were the worst gift. Teachers can't possibly consume all the baked goods they get and because of the shelf life they end up throwing much of it away -- on first day they receive it. The calories are certainly a burden too.

[girlgeekmom]

Hmmm... that's an interesting take on it, Jersey. Most of the teachers I knew in day school loved baked goods (or gave a very good impression of it), and the ones who didn't bake said they liked being able to take things to family gatherings. But I suppose every situation is different. In this case, I am pretty sure the holiday treats will be enjoyed; I just wasn't sure if, coming from a parent, they would be appropriate.

[ChoatieMom]

Teachers can't possibly consume all the baked goods they get...

...but the kids can! Excess goodies get shared at BS and all seem to be happy with the arrangement. Teachers often provide treats during study sessions and during other interactions. It doesn't matter who initially provided the booty or why. I doubt much goes to waste, but it's the thought that counts, right?

[stillinschool]

As a boarding school dorm parent, I'll weigh in. Gifts are certainly not necessary or expected, though certainly appreciated. In a boarding school, consumables are good, though I'd time them for when the students are around so they can be shared. Gift cards (very small ones are fine) are lovely - coffee, books, what have you. Probably not so much mugs and other trinkets. While it is nice to look at the mug from the kid you remember fondly, we all have enough stuff in our lives and at boarding schools especially, residents tend to live in tight spaces. And notes are great. There's nothing lovelier that just a nice note in a card. Recently, my other half got a very sweet email from the mom of a student from years past and it was the most lovely and appreciated surprise.

Oh, and my high school music teacher had received so many music related Christmas ornaments that she had to have a separate tree just for them, but that's probably a fairly specific problem....

[Charger78]

A big second to the handwritten note as perfect gift. It's not the money factor but the appreciative words that count, for me.