massmomof1

I was wondering if people could weigh in on this question: Which prep schools in New England are best/worst for a helicopter parent, and why?

I won't disclose whether I am or am not a helicopter parent, but responses will have some bearing on how we see the schools mentioned!


Thanks

dodgersmom

Deerfield - limited parent involvement in school activities
St. Mark's, Governor's - lots of day parent involvement in school activities

Periwinkle

I don't agree that there's "lots of day parent involvement in school activities at St. Mark's." I would deem the "helicopter parent" ratio to be near nil. I have the impression that the most involved parents concentrate on attending sports events. (Many parents of boarders will also make the effort to attend home and away games.) And even there, "involved" = ever seen on campus, with the exception of school performances, official school events, and picking up and dropping off children. And, there aren't many day parents at all, as many of the "day students" are the children of faculty, who live on campus.

The school does ask parents (perforce day parents) to assist in chatting with applicants in the admissions parlor, and parents do volunteer to help on revisit days. This may lead to the impression that there are lots of very involved day parents.

Governor's does have lots of day parent involvement.

dodgersmom

Actually, correction for St. Mark's - I meant "local" parent involvement and not "day" parent, because many of the parents seen in the admissions parlor (as Periwinkle notes above) are in fact the local parents of boarding students. But it was my understanding when I visited that they are also involved in other "PTA-type" activities . . . baking treats for exam days, for example.

Periwinkle

Exam bakes are twice a year, during finals. Boarding parents can arrange to mail treats to school. There is a parent who coordinates the bounty. Parents can also bake or donate treats for concerts on campus, athletic teas, and teacher appreciation events.

A list of volunteer opportunities: Volunteer Descriptions - St. Mark's School. You'll notice that many of the opportunities are off-campus, such as hosting potluck dinners or assisting the development department.

There are a few activities which would bring willing parents into contact with students. Parents can volunteer to transport students to medical appointments. I don't think many parents volunteer for this, as the school will provide paid drivers, for a very reasonable fee, and my child has never been driven by a parent to an appointment. Acting as a croupier at the annual Casino Night, and chaperoning the VI form dance after-party would also bring parents into contact with students.

Oh yes, they also arrange flowers. A parent attends the PINS (parents independent school network) meetings, and reports the results.

At any rate, there's a small and stalwart group which generously donate their time to the school, and the current parents' association heads are wonderful, but there's not "lots of local parent involvement in school activities."

ops

Without getting into specifics, I would think it depends on your definition of a helicopter parent. I believe all schools enjoy parent participation, to a point. It is boarding school after all and my question would be how much the son or daughter wants your presence on a regular basis, especially as a day student. I don't think it would be long before many faculty would go whipee it's Mrs. Massmom and then walk the other way. I do know personally of a self proclaimed helo parent and last time I spoke with her she was ticked off because she felt the school was dodging her, you think.

Mango15

........is this really a deciding factor in your child's college choice? You don't need days and activites to go visit your child, if your child wants you there he or she will ask you stop by for lunch or to accompany them to a sports game.

Ha if my parents wanted me to decide where I'm going to spend the next 4 years of my life based on whether they can suffocate me or not, I'd laugh in their face. I think this is VERY selfish.

Mango15

^I thought this was for university. My statement still stands though.

sonoratoo

I would be inclined to believe that there is not a single boarding school that is good for a helicopter parent. IMHO, if a parent still felt the need to be that involved with their child's day-to-day operations, the needs would be better met at a "day only" school. As a parent of a BS student and former attendee of a boarding school, I think one of the great things about boarding school is that: the children are able to learn to function on a day-to-day basis without their parents help yet they are still under the watchful and caring eyes of adults. I do believe there is a wide range of "adult supervision" depending on the school choice. In general, larger schools offer less adult supervision and therefore require a more self-starting student. So, if one were looking for heavier adult supervision, I would think small school.

PhotoOp

Exeter sucks. Helicopter or no, they barely keep in contact with parents at all. Perhaps if your child has a really good advisor who calls you occasionally, but otherwise all you get are the term report cards and they actually send you a letter, in the mail, if your kid has accumulated X number of dickies. In the mail. Like what are you supposed to do with that? It would be nice if we got an e-mail for every unexcused absence, that way we can get our on kid sooner rather than later.

They have added a parent portal this year but it's still just the same info on the website only you can look at the report card there. Oh, and you can pay your bill on the parent portal. Lucky us.

dodgersmom

Periwinkle - I stand corrected. All I had to go on was my limited contact with the parents in the admissions parlor. What you describe is still quite a bit more involvement than one would find at some other schools, however.

Periwinkle

Some schools are geographically isolated. I also think schools vary in how thick the "bubble" is. St. Mark's has a great community. The campus doesn't generally empty out on weekends (from my child's description,) with the exception of the parents' weekend, and I think, Easter, when they encourage students to see their families. The adults kids come into contact with, on a day-to-day basis, are the teachers and their spouses.

But, you know, I think of "helicopter parent" as being someone who swoops in to protect their child from disciplinary consequences, and badgers teachers about tests, etc. I've never heard of that happening. In comparison to our local public schools, the St. Mark's parents allow their children independence. If there's a problem, the school will contact parents, but I don't have any sense that parents are meddling in academic or extracurricular events.
My child's had fine advisors. They've been responsive when we've contacted them, but our child hasn't had major disciplinary issues, (thank heavens!) so I can't comment from personal experience on that side of things.

A few children are serious athletes, and their parents may pick them up for off-campus sports obligations.

PelicanDad

re sonoratoo's point: I recall distinctly at a new parents' orientation meeting on dropoff day this past fall, one parent asked an LC Dean, "When do we get to get access to our kids' syllabi and assignments online?" to which the bemused Dean started his response, "There's a reason why we call ourselves an independent school..."

PA-C

PhotoOp- So sorry you haven't been pleased with Exeter. I agree they put alot of demands on the kids to be independent and that was very hard on me the first year...letting go of day to day involvement. However, I think it was good for my son in the end. He's blossomed into a much more socially confident person than he would have otherwise. Things like having to solve his own problems- whether by going to speak with the bookstore about a return, applying for an on campus job by himself or making his own appointments at the health center...all those things were exactly what he needed to learn to do. I definitely can see where Exeter gets its sink or swim reputation sometimes but I also have been very pleased with the response from my son's advisor. I email him whenever I have a concern - and he responds within 24 hours after checking in with DS and his teachers if needed. So the support is there at Exeter IF the child and/or parents ask for it.

PhotoOp

PA-C - Believe me, I've asked for it. But she's done now, graduating in June. And I can't wait!