MDMomofTwo

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atlantabsmom

I am the mother of an African-American son, which (in my opinion) presents a completely unique set of considerations. We are from the SE (currently residing in Atlanta), and boarding schools were never a strong consideration, based on our lack of knowledge about the concept and the opportunities/resources they provide. After attending a local ABC sponsored diversity fair, we just stopped and spoke with parents and representatives from each school and were absolutely astonished at the positive things we heard from the boarding community!

After visiting a number of schools, both day and boarding, we limited our selections to the top four that caught our interest...which included Andover, Hotchkiss, Taft and Choate. Of the four, I would say that Andover and Choate presented the best display of 'comfort'. We are a relatively liberal family and wanted our son to be comfortable, in an atmosphere that truly fostered an appreciation for diversity -- from the administration on down. After visiting all four campuses, Choate and Andover were tied, but we chose Choate due to its' more liberal, laid-back and close-knit community feel as opposed to Andover's size and their 'sink or swim' culture.

The kids at both campuses appeared very comfortable, during my observations -- both in class and in social settings. However, the administration at Andover seemed to be more consumed with the kids stellar reputations (top 1% of his class) as opposed to who the child really was -- which was a bit disheartening.

At Choate, the community fully embraced our family and my son! The administrators that I have spoken with for months greeted me with a hug, vs a handshake and with my son only having reported a week ago, I already feel as though this group has become an extended family vs. a school of 'great staff and students'. One disclaimer...my son is an scholar athlete, so that nuance does allow him to 'acclimate' a bit easier, as they are typically welcomed into a particular group from the start. However, I met a few parents who mentioned that their kids attended the international forums for new students, and that by the second night, they were all asking to go to the movies together. Such a testament to their culture!

I was impressed with Choate during the application process and during my son's 5 week summer program. However, when I visited, just this past weekend, for registration/parent orientation, I departed with only one regret...not looking into Choate sooner (my son is a repeat Sophomore). I am absolutely enamored by everyone there, from the administrators to the coaches and dorm advisors. Everyone knew about my son (his strengths and his weeknesses) and a comprehensive 'plan for success' was crafted before I ever arrived. Not trying to make a 'sale' but certainly wanted to offer this perspective for you to look into during your visits this year. Hope this helps!

And remember...there is no greater joy than to have someone ELSE advocating for your child at all times and I certainly feel that Choate offers this AND MORE! Best of luck in your search and feel free to PM me if desired.

taben1112

@atlantabsmom...Did you get a sense of what the community is like amongst the black students at the schools you visited? Were the kids close to and supportive of one another? Did they have a 'bond' while still feeling free to socialize with other students as well? Were there things like african cultures clubs or african american history courses and if so how were those received?
Finding schools where minorities support one another and are supported by the school, while not being 'expected' to only hang out within your race is often a hard balance to find. Curious as to whether you saw that at schools.
Also, curious as to whether most blacks at the schools you looked at were athletes...meaning was that the umbrella most came in under?
Thanks in advance for sharing!
T

baystateresident

Atlantabsmom- so glad to hear that you are experiencing the caring culture at Choate, because that was our (non minority) experience there as well. When my kids were there, there was a wide range of ethnicities, and within those groups, there seemed to be a wide range of socioeconomic statuses represented! The summer program also seems to be a great way to ease into the school and the big increase in workload that all entering students are sure to experience. I've heard that most of the summer school teachers are regular faculty members and not visiting teachers, so your child has probably already made some important connections!

baystateresident

Like Sevendad on another thread, I'm a little cautious about always being a cheerleader for my kids' school (Choate), there are plenty of other great schools out there, and different people have different memories and experiences, but the farther away we get from it the more appreciative we are.

nylecoj007

I am the parent of a senior, African American BS student and as such, I found the thoughts and comments in this thread particularly interesting.

MrsWeasley’s point in the second post rings true to our son’s experience. There are absolutely vast mixtures of kids that form relationships across all cultural and national lines at his school. These friendships are often the result of shared interests, personality traits and good old-fashioned chemistry.

However, I would guard against using the dining hall litmus test or any other public gatherings as an indication of the schools’ success or failure to promote and foster cross-cultural social interactions. Assuming there is no structured dining requirements that randomly determine student seating kids are going to associate with whomever they please. The congregation of all blacks at a table is no more indicative of the schools’ failure that to promote cross-cultural exchanges than that of all Chinese students at the next table.

The truth is, human beings tend to socialize in a way that is most comfortable to them. It is not unusual for individuals for whom shared cultured experiences exist to use those familial relationships as anchors in an ever-changing, often confusing world. Boarding schools are not bubbles but rather, they are microcosms of the world at large. If Korean students huddle to discuss the implication of the daughter of an assassinated dictator as a viable South Korean presidential candidate, perhaps this may be a conversation that these students feel most comfortable having amongst themselves. The same may hold true if a group of African American students offer their opinions on the outcome of the Travon Martin murder trial.

But keep in mind,, these public gatherings do not necessarily provide a glimpse into an interpersonal relationship exchanges that may occur later that day on the south lawn or in the dorm; a conversation between two friends, one black, one white, as they bear their experiences about untimely/unfair romantic breakups or about overbearing parents who often fail to see or understand their children beyond the confines of their own myopic views or any other challenges they may face as human beings in general and adolescents in particular, regardless of racial, national or socioeconomic lines of demarcation.

And while we’re on the subject of socioeconomic distinctions, who cares if groups of students are viewed as “the scholarship ones”? Only in an a bizzaro-world, alternate universe can a young person who has been evaluated and vetted by an institution, received an enthusiastic thumbs up based upon their academic competency and character history, and has been financially rewarded for their endeavors in an effort to further promote their intellectual and personal growth, can being the recipient of scholarships be viewed as a awful thing.

At the end of the day, if students receiving financial aid are viewed negatively simply because of their FA vs FP status, it is clear to me that this analysis speaks volumes about the person doing the judging and absolutely nothing about the student. Remind your children that you can’t please all the people all the time.

Fundamentally, we can hope for an environment where our DC are afforded the dignity and respect deserving of all members of the BS community. At best, we can hope for opportunities for them to form strong, meaningful bonds across ALL lines. There is much value in the lesson learned that, in the final analysis, we all have more in common that the differences that divide us. However, encourage them to hold steadfast to their strong bonds with their dining buddies because the two friendship paradigms are not mutually exclusive.

Good luck with your searches everyone. Keep in mind our DC are not as fragile as we may think. Just trust your instincts and gut feelings of your kids during the school hunt and they’ll be fine.

creative1

nylecoj007 - Your post is why CC needs a "like" button. Beautifully said and accurate based on my observations and experiences.

baystateresident

great post. nylecoj007.

ExieMITAlum

We're "comfortable" and send our daughter to BS. It's been a good experience. The initial "adjustment" can often feel like it has to do with race - but it is mostly about finding your niche and posse of friends.

It is also (I CAN"T YELL THIS ENOUGH) about visiting campuses and finding the one that feels like a good fit. Different schools have different personalities and emphasis and what is good for one student might be hell for another.

Yes - it's true there is sometimes an assumption that if you are black you are an ABC kid - but that doesn't last long. Certainly it's not as bad as it was in the '80's with the labeling. These days - it's about how you act and interact, not what your income level is. My daughter has friends on full scholarship, and friends whose families own empires. In the end, she found people with like personalities of diverse ethnicities.

I do find, sometimes, that students who "don't" find a way to fit in, struggle because they can't get their preconceived notions out of their heads once on campus. Or are trying to prove something. And, if we're being blunt, I used to observe wealthy black kids wearing it on the outside and acting if students of their own race who were less wealthy were beneath them. OR who thought it important to adopt some pseudo-stereotype of what the media portrays as urban behavior in order to fit in.

If that's not your kid, don't worry about.

We've enjoyed are experience, but it's mainly because our daughter chose a school whose students and faculty clearly liked her as well.

Classical6

Excellent post AtlantaBSMom. Conducting site visits is very important and asking the right questions.