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Prep school disciplinary policy re alerting colleges


Replies to: Prep school disciplinary policy re alerting colleges

  • doschicosdoschicos Registered User Posts: 12,521 Senior Member
    edited April 21
    Depends on the questions asked. There is lying and there is not answering.

    Were you alone? "No."

    Who was with you? "I'd rather not say". Or name the kid who named him.

    Neither is a lie.
  • preppedparentpreppedparent Registered User Posts: 1,798 Senior Member
    edited April 21
    As a resident of a boarding school, there's no down time. Can we all agree it's like being in a fish bowl where your every move is being watched by someone at any given time? When you send in that tuition check, you're giving up some freedoms no doubt. It heavily reminds me of living on post as an active duty soldier...you can never relax because you are living in a ranked order society all the time. Kids and parents need to keep that in mind when they get that Honor Code and Student Handbook. Go through it together and take it very seriously.
  • roethlisburgerroethlisburger Registered User Posts: 1,365 Senior Member

    From the OP:
    For his part, I do not believe he smoked alone but he insisted and insists that he did.
  • psparentpsparent Registered User Posts: 49 Junior Member
    All lies are not the same. 95 % of teenagers - probably 99.5 % of teenagers - lie about something at some time. Making all lying a serious offence basically gives the school unlimited power to discipline a kid for the most trivial reason. It also can force kids to tell on other kids or face expulsion. Thus, judgment is required. To be clear, I don't know that my son was with other people, he insists he wasn't. Personally if he's lying about that I'm okay with it.
  • psparentpsparent Registered User Posts: 49 Junior Member
    edited April 21
    I'm pretty sure that if he said he was with others but refused to name them he would be going to our local public school right now. Or, they would drug test all of his friends on "reasonable suspicion." Reiterating - I don't know that he wasn't alone, I suspect it. I'm not asking. May press the matter once the diploma is in hand.
  • Korab1Korab1 Registered User Posts: 324 Member
    When faced with a request to rat out your buddies, you can either choose to lie, or choose not to answer. One has more honor than the other, but they are both honorable in my book.

    Its not like they are going to waterboard you...
  • roethlisburgerroethlisburger Registered User Posts: 1,365 Senior Member
    Making all lying a serious offence basically gives the school unlimited power to discipline a kid for the most trivial reason

    Yes, but your kid wasn't lying about something trivial. It was on an issue that could potentially get other students suspended or even expelled. This is a major lie.
  • psparentpsparent Registered User Posts: 49 Junior Member
    I wasn't referring so much to the specific circumstance as the absurdity of having a rule that *any* lying is expel-able, given that basically every student lies about something (being on facebook during study hall, etc.). See my first posts about imperfect kids. It gives the dean a LOT of power. If you trust the deans to have judgment about how the apply the rule, then fine, but it can be abused. And, again, I don't know if he lied. If he did, I can totally understand why.
  • PeriwinklePeriwinkle Registered User Posts: 3,489 Senior Member
    They don't expell kids for lying to questions like, "does this pair of pants make me look fat?" A lie to a direct question from the disciplinary committee or head of school in such a matter, however, is a different matter. Refusing to state where you were, or lying about your location, is also extremely serious.

    In context, for the OP's son, if he was a boarder, he had to sign out. There was a record of where he planned to go, his hosts, how long he would be away. Any other boarder involved would also have left a record with the school. Day students would not have.

    So there are questions the school did not need to ask him. The school would only have to follow up on the students the dealer named. Schools do follow up on dealers' contacts.

    Again, read the school's rules carefully. The schools take the rules seriously. It does not matter if you find them unfair, or unjust, or out of touch with teenaged development.

    If it helps, the boarding school alums I know can all name very successful people who were suspended or kicked out of school for misbehavior. However, they can also name suspended or expelled former students who became addicts. It need not be more than a bump in the road, but it can be a sign of deeper problems.
  • psparentpsparent Registered User Posts: 49 Junior Member
    I agree with both of your extremes. There is a pretty big grey area in between though, which goes back to whether the deans are applying the rules with appropriate judgment.
  • CaliMexCaliMex Registered User Posts: 329 Member
    Does this pair of pants make me look fat?
  • 123Mom456123Mom456 Registered User Posts: 532 Member
    edited April 21
    A lie is a lie. Kids and parents have agreed to the honor code. I doubt anyone would expel the student for being on facebook during study hall but the right thing for the student to do under the honor code is say what they were doing a accept the consequences. If a teacher walked by and saw the student on FB and the student immediately closed it down but was asked, the right response is - yes, I was and I am sorry for my actions.
  • Korab1Korab1 Registered User Posts: 324 Member
    Darling, I prefer you without pants. See what I did there?
  • roycroftmomroycroftmom Registered User Posts: 315 Member
    cute non-answers don't really work in this context, @Korab1. The questioner will keep demanding an affirmative or negative answer, and failure to do so itself is an offense. To the OP, my sympathy and gratitude for your post. Good luck with your challenges.
  • Korab1Korab1 Registered User Posts: 324 Member
    It depends on the skill of the interviewer/interrogator. The extent to which it is an offense or not depends on the individual school and their rule book. As I said before - read the rule book, know the rule book, and prepare your child for the rule book. Instruct your child that if anything serious hits the fan they don't say anything until they talk to you.
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