Hey, really sorry for posting here but because I have made less than 15 posts on this website, I cannot PM you back. Nonetheless, what I could suggest is, keeping your tone consistent. You use a lot of big fancy words, but they do serve a purpose as it gives me a good visual idea. However, words like "idiot" or "Dam*" could be written in a different manner.
For the summer one, you start off with an anecdote, so you should stay with that conversational tone. I noticed that you suddenly started to generalize your experience towards the last paragraph.
Lastly, avoid passive voice, use active. Some of your sentences are unrelated to the message you are trying to convey with the essay; your essay must be coherent.