Can you rate my SAT Essay?
Good Afternoon CC.
Sorry to bother with many threads, but I don't have anyone else who can help me, so I'm relying on you.
This is my second SAT Essay ever written. I'm an international student and english isn't my strong.
For me, this essay is lacking a lot. I would probably have gotten 5/12 or less.
My problems are that I can't think of good examples and that I'm a SLOW writer, even for those 25 minutes.
I would like you to read my essay and if it sucks, which probably will, tell me. Don't mind to be harsh,. Just tell me if it sucks and tell me why and how can I improve.
Prompt: Do people have to be highly competitive in order to succed?
"Success is the position were someone achieves and fulfills his or her established goals.
It is crucial for that person to fight with herself and any other obstacle that can make him or her not achieve the goal.
To achieve succes, it is integral to be competitive, but in the right and wise ways.
We have various examples of social reforms were competitive persons fighted with the society itself to achieve what they were looking to.
Let's take the case of Martin Luther King Jr.
He fought with extremely strenous work to achieve the rights for african-american people in the USA.
He was in a place were the government and society were competing against him so he could not succed in his goal, and this was their goal.
King never stopped trying to fight against them.
He kept standing up in the many falls he encountered and was determined to achieve the first place in the run for wether or not there should be racial rights.
If he had not been very competitive and had given up so easily to his competition and extreme challanges that he had to take, it's probably that the black people wouldn't have achieved rights.
Being competitive as Marting Luther King Jr. makes you strong enough to get what you desire the most.
If you're diffident and not that strong to oppose those who neglect you, you certainly won't achieve anything.
We can also see this idea in World War II, taking Great Britain as an example.
As you know, Germany began the war with a superior position, which means that it got the upperhand in the beginning of the war since little by little he was taking over European territories by defeating the Allies, until Great Britain was the only one standing up.
It was just a matter of time for Germany to complete his objective and take over the European continent.
However, Great Britain oppose and stood up against Germany, which was shown in the "Battle of Britain".
Great Britain competed with great passion to preserve its goal of unity and peace in Europe, which opposed to Germany's goal.
This competitive nature led to an unbelievable outcome, considering the actual situation of the era: Great Britain stopped Germany and could still fulfill its goal, which it did later in the war.
As you can see, being competitive isn't bad. It's actually one of the best qualities a succesful person can have.
If both of these advocates wouldn't have oppose to their competition, we'll be living in a different world today, since their goals were and are of extreme importance to today's world"
As a matter of fact, I took 27 minutes in this =/
I think I'm going to fail.
Please, tell me what I'm doing wrong and how I can better!!