gloaming

So I just got my actual essay online, and the score report says I got two 4's, and that such an essay: "has some errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics" and "exhibits adequate but inconsistent facility in the use of language, using generally appropriate vocabulary." I can't find ANY errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics in my essay, and I think the vocabularly is pretty darn good. It doesn't have a conclusion, though. I dunno, this criteria doesn't make a lot of sense to me. So here is my essay, tell me what grade you think it deserved. (Sorry for the long-windedness!)

One of the key tenets of a democratic society is the rule of majority. Politicans are elected by majority vote; celebrites are worshipped when they fit the dominant ideals of beauty. Despite these examples of majority rule, going along with the predominant view on an issue is a poor guide. This can be evidenced with examples from history, such as slavery, examples from my own personal experience as a teenager, and various instances from literature.
Only two centuries ago, the United States had a policy of slavery. The majority opinion at the time was that African-Americans were mere objects to be bought and sold, undeserving of even the most basic human rights. Countless tragedies occured, with millions of people forced to spend their lives laboring without compensation. Clearly, slavery was morally abhorrent, and had the small minority known as abolitionists not made their voices heard, we might still have slavery today. The importance of following one's own views and not those of the majority was great in this instance.
I have also experienced firsthand the negative consequences of following majority rule as a teenager. Within the turbulent halls of high school, popular standards are sometimes absurd or even impossible to meet. For example, fashions are in constant flux, and many students are always rushing out to buy the latest fad, often at considerable price. These students feel they must confirm to the majority view on popular appearance, and as a result they spend a lot of time and money fretting over superficial issues. This time and money could be better invested in things the student truly enjoys, rather than useless fads that will soon become "uncool" anyway. Not following majority rule in the realm of "coolness" and fashion is a wise choice.
Instances of the majority rule being a poor guide abound in literature. One prominent example is from the novel "To Kill a Mockingbird," in which an innocent man is convicted of murder simply because of his race. Set in a small southern town in the mid-twentieth century, this novel deals with the consequences of following majority rule, and such consequences are not positive.
{Then I ran out of time}

ohnoes

It's pretty obvious why you got 4s... you didn't finish. You hadn't even started your conclusion, and were half-way through a third example.

acacia

You didn't finish! The examples might not have been discussed enough. You gave good ones, but didn't really elaborate on YOUR view...you just gave more concrete detail and perhaps less commentary. How many pages did thsi essay fill? THey also look at that (even if they say they don't)
I thought it was well thought out for the most part. You just could have elaborated.

gloaming

The odd thing is the scoring thing for a 4 says it is "generally well-organized" and constructed. Mine wasn't, but was fine grammar and vocab-wise. I'm not saying I deserved a better score, I didn't..the way they are using their criteria just seems odd.

michaelburt

It didn't have a very rigid structure, weak examples, not personal, but it didn't deserve a 4

Hecatonchires

If you look in the Blue book and the examples they have given for each grade level, yours would best fit in the 4-bare 5 category.

Hemin12

its fairly well written.. U deserve 4..