MIG31flier

I was wondering whether anyone could please critique myself so I have an accurate picture of myself. It would be nice if you could leave some sort of score, or any comment at all.

Assignment:

Many people deny that stories about characters and events that are not real can teach us about ourselves or about the world around us. They claim that literature does not offer us worthwhile information about the real world. These people argue that the feelings and ideas we gain from books and stories obstruct, rather than contribute to, clear thought.
--Adapted from Jennifer L. McMahon, "The Function of Fiction"

Can books and stories about characters and events that are not real teach us anything useful?

Essay:


At first glance, many would denounce literature as a means of interpreting the real world. However, despite of the fact that literature may be fictitious, it contributes significantly to our moral principles. The qualms which resound through fictitious works are key in helping us to become effective global citizens. Several literary classics provide us with such facilitative morals.

Take for instance To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. The novel is centered around Atticus Finch, a lawyer who takes the initiative to defend a black man, Tom Robinson, who was innocent of the crime he was convicted for. A great majority of the town (and the jury), was white and biased towards the white accusers, with the assumption that all black-skinned people were criminals. As the situation progressed, the white inhabitants of the town began to recognize Tom Robinson's plight and Atticus's noble cause. Tom Robinson' innocence taught the townspeople to not make immediate assumptions, while Atticus;s decision exemplified universal fairness and equality. Both morals presented in this fictitious work are applicable in society.

The novel In Dubious Battle by John Steinbeck also dons its own important morals. The story is focused on a group of apple pickers in Central California during the Great Depression. The apple pickers are paid a meager salary which barely allows them a daily meal, so they begin to strike for higher wages. At first, the strikes are unsuccessful and disorganized due to disunity among the workers. After the arrival of revolutionaries Jim and Marc and the murder of a union member (Joy) by the police, the apple pickers are able to drive away vigilantes and successfully conduct their strike. This work of historical fiction teaches us that unity is strength, and that overcoming differences is critical in solving a problem.

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald also falls into the same category. The novel fixates upon a young soldier, Gatsby who is unable to marry Daisy Fay due to differences in social status and military commitment. When Daisy marries another man for his wealth, Gatsby decides to become wealthy in order to win over Dasiy. However, to become wealthy, Gatsby followed a dishonest path as a mobster. Due to this fact, Daisy refuses to marry Gatsby. The imaginary character of Gatsby shows how dishonesty can never lead to success in long term. "Honesty is the best policy" is definitely an appropriate phrase for the real world.

Many people believe that fictitious works are solely for entertainment purpose and cannot teach us about ourselves or the world around us. Although fictitious literature may be the products of authors' imagination, these works contain moral values which teach us how to interact in society.

112358

You write well. There were some places where I had minor issues with sentence length and over-use of sophisticated vocab, but I think this would probably score in the 10-12 range.

gammacat

My essay was far worse than yours, but I got score of 9.
I didn't use sophisticated vocabulary or expressions. All two examples
that I used on my essay did not come from literature. If you can compose
an essay with this style, I am sure you don't have to worry about essay section any more.
And thanks for providing me such a perfect essay !!

Unholy Sigma

10, mainly because you didn't outline in your intro paragraph the examples you would be using, your transitions were a bit weak, and I noticed some words that were out of place. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, don't get me wrong this is a solid essay, but not 11 or 12 material. Just keep practicing and getting feedback from CC, and I guarantee you'll get the score you want.

shen0211

i think that with a bit more practice and a good topic, the elusive 12 is yours.

DunninLA

I don't know... this is my first crack at a critique of an essay.

"despite of the fact" -> despite the fact
"The qualms which resound through fictitious works" that is a very awkward phrase, almost like you're forcing dime store words into a sentence. -> "the moral challenges that are presented in fictitious works" is I believe what you meant to say.
"Several literary classics provide us with such facilitative morals" -> The literary classics To Kill a Mockingbird, In Dubious Battle, and The Great Gatsby present common real-life moral dilemmas that help shape the a thoughtful reader's own morality.

and on it goes (sorry not enough time right now to discuss the entire essay. However, the opening paragraph is really critical to earning an 11 or 12 score.

1st paragraph: Summarize what you are going to write.
Write it in detail.
Summarize what you wrote and how it reinforces your position introduced in the 1st paragraph.

sendoutalarms_92

The only difference I noticed with my 2 SAT essays, the first of which was a perfect 12 and the second a 10, was that in my first essay, I used an obscure, yet critically acclaimed play for my literary example. I think just having a well organized & well written essay is a 10, no matter what examples you use, but using truly creative and powerful examples leads to a 12. So it depends how often the College Board sees your literary/political examples.

ForskakenOne

I took the writing twice and got an 11 the first time and a 12 the second time using a formula I came up with as such
1- use humor or a lighthearted opener or quote. For instance if the problem was tv usage " a wise man once said ahshdjn!" that man was watching tv.
2- relate it to the person who will be reading it. Don't be dry.
3- form a plan of coherence showing where you are going to go.
4- use a personal anecdote and one unrelated circumstance this us important.
5- eloquent and wise choice of words not just spouting big words totrt and impress the scorer it won't work.
6- make sure your transitions are relvant and light but get the point across ie: " if we turn the channel well be able observe the next point being. .. ......" there
7- finally after doing the above formula relate your conclusion to your opener after restating your points in a single brief sentence.

This is a tried and true formula I created it in my AP English class as a project to " break the essay bank" if you will and evryone I've taught it to has at least gotten a ten when they used It on the SAT or ACT. And like I said before I've gotten an 11 , revised it, used it and got a 12.