Please grade my essay.
This is my first time to post and my native language is not English. I want to be good in English. Please criticize my essay and advise me. I want to get above 2000 in SAT. I'll try hard.
Here is the question.
Are we free to make our own choices in life, or are our decisions always limited by the rules of society?
Yes, we are free to make our own choices in life. We, human beings, have the ability of thinking which makes us different from lower animals. We can think and choose the best way for us freely. No one can control us from thinking since thinking is our inherent ability. By thinking and making choices in life, we write the script for our own lives. As Jean Paul Sartre said, " One can blame no one else if his life is poor performance."
Schooling and organized religion cannot imprison a person's mind and spirit. Schooling even helps him to improve his knowledge and widen his vision of life. The wider his life vision becomes, the more he can make choices in his life. Organized religion teaches us to have faith in god do that our minds become calm and powerful. With these minds, we can make and beneficial decisions in life. It cannot be denied that most of the most famous and outstanding people in the world are not atheists.
As an example, I want to talk to you about my friend. She is a smart and religious girl although she is from a village. No one in her village is a graduate. For them, education is not as important as agriculture. In her village, every girl has to marry by the age of fifteen. As she is smart, she knows that only education can improve her life. So, when she finished high school from a town near her village, she told her parents that she wanted to go to a college. Not only her parents but also everyone in her village denied her request. But finally she left her village and went to college in some way through her effort. Now, she's doing her final year in medicine in a university and everyone in her village begin to realize her acts. They acknowledge her and support financial aids for her.She proved that the expectations and society cannot confine a person's mind and spirits and we have the rights to make our own choices and decisions in life.